Wednesday, April 4, 2012

The Incredible, Edible Egg

About six months ago, my mom and I had a conversation about moving parents into a nursing home.  (Don't ask why.  We just have odd, depressing conversations sometimes.)  She is adamant that her children will not be the ones taking care of her in her old age.  She wants us to put her in a home.

The conversation then went down the road of when someone should move into a nursing home.  We agreed that there has to be a right time.  If a child waits too long, her parent will put up a fight, unable to see that living on her own is just a bad idea.

I jokingly suggested that she and I will evaluate the situation every year on her birthday.  We can discuss if "this is the year!"  It has now become a huge joke.  She will call me and say, "We may need to move that talk up.  I finally found my glove I lost three days ago.  It was in the freezer."

It was all fun and games until these last two weeks.

I'm starting to wonder if we should have this conversation about me.

I have turned into Crazy Egg Lady.

We are getting between 15 and 19 eggs each and every day.  I'm thrilled to bits.  We love eggs.  Only problem is, we cannot eat 15 eggs each and every day.  

Why do we have so many, you ask?

Two reasons.  First, when you order chickens from the catalog, you have to order 25 in order for the chicks to stay warm enough during the shipping.  (Yes, day old chicks come in a box.  The post office will call us when they arrive.)

Secondly, we know that we won't have this many chickens for long.  I don't know if we've ever had a chicken last its full two years of prime laying.  The reasons for this are long and gruesome.  Another post, maybe.  Let's just say we have a dog that loves the taste of chicken and a plethora of wild animals that also find them delectable.  Plus, we are ridiculously bad farmers.

Why don't we sell them, you ask?

We do.  For the bargain basement price of $2/dozen.  I am often seen walking around the pick-up lot at school, toting a cooler full of eggs, trying to find the people who said they wanted some.

What's the problem then, you ask?

Two words.  Spring Break.

For a week before everyone leaves for vacation, trying to clean out their refrigerators, sales plummet.  The week all of Indianapolis heads out of town, the eggs multiply worse than a family of mice.  At one point, we had 18 dozen eggs in my fridge.  "Sorry kids, no milk for the cereal today.  There's no room to keep it in the fridge."

And I become the Crazy Egg Lady.

Making deviled eggs for every function we attend.  Insisting that I make the four dozen hard boilded eggs for the Seder Meal at school.  Forcing my children and husband to eat eggs for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks.

I didn't realize I had gone completely off my rocker until I was at the grocery store a couple of days ago.  We were in the dairy aisle when I ran into a fellow soccer mom.  Did I ask how she was?  No.  Did I ask how her son, who just broke his toe and is out of soccer for the next month, is?  Nope.  Did I even say hello?  Didn't even cross my mind.  I skipped every polite nicety.  My eyes went straight to her basket, where I saw that she was carrying nothing but two dozen eggs. 

I very forcefully screeched in her face, "Why are you buying eggs when I have a refrigerator full of them???"

Everyone in the aisle stopped.  Even my kids got quiet.  All eyes were on my soccer mom friend and me.

When she very quietly and calmly said, "Because we've never discussed the fact that you have extra eggs."

Oh.  Right you are.

I didn't stop there, though.  I totally made her put those eggs right back on the shelf.  Didn't tell her how much we charge.  Didn't ask her if she would like to try some free-range, oganic eggs. 

Just gave her the evil eye until those pale, caged-up chicken eggs were back in the grocery store cooler.  

Then I asked how her son was doing.  Like I had not just proved myself to be completely out of my mind.

Things are better now.  Between the two dozen for soccer mom, and the three I sold to the folks in the office at school, and the four dozen that went to school for the Seder Meal, and the three I'm selling to a friend today, we're down to eight dozen still in my fridge. 

Until 4:00.  When Phoenix collects eggs.

Then we'll be up to nine and a half.

Hope I don't run into my mom while I'm stalking people in the dairy aisle.


  1. Lol! Do you deliver? Hee-hee! Seriously, now. I know of a good nursing home. Snicker...

  2. Ah-ha! I found it! I remembered you'd referenced me and had to see what you were pretty accurate in your description of how you accosted me in the dairy aisle. :)

  3. I love to glimpse into a live so different than my own. I've always been a city dweller and reading this makes me so jealous (in a good way, I promise) of your life. Such a funny, lovely post!

    1. Thank you! I was a city dweller until we bought this house. We were not planning on this life AT ALL.
      Thanks for stopping by!

  4. This was hilarious!!! Even funnier that she commented above. At least she still speaks to you. I think I would look for your car in the parking lot, but that wouldn't help me a bit if you were already there. #TALU

    1. Cracks me up that she came and tracked down the post. She does still talk to me. Just last night even.
      You would certainly know my van. Everyone does. People give me updates as to where they saw me, but I had no idea they were around.

  5. Sure wish I had a friend with fresh eggs to spare! We grew up eating all the eggs we could stand, fresh from our own chickens. I used to eat scrambled eggs for my after school snack every day in high school.

    1. Fresh eggs are the very best. Great snack! I eat a hard-boiled one every day for breakfast.

  6. LOL at the grocery store scene! I wonder if you're still doing eggs...Spring Break is coming up very soon... ;)


    1. We had some unfortunate difficulties with predators in the fall, so we are out of chickens at the moment. (With the winter we've had, I almost want to thank the animals for getting rid of one of my outdoor chores.) We'll be getting some chicks as soon as it warms up.
      Thanks for stopping by!

  7. Love it, love it, love it! I wish I lived near you. I would stalk you for eggs every day. "Hey there... So.... You got any more eggs today? How's your soccer season? Yeah, what time do you collect eggs?"
    I want my own chickens. My husband won't give in. He never will if he hears I have to order 25 chicks. And I love this idea of the talk. My mom and I have also discussed she will be placed in a home "where people love her" but we haven't started having the talk. Yet. #TALU

  8. It's easy to get caught up in our own issues. It happens to me all the time.

    My parents took off to Florida and my father says that when he gets to the point that he knows he can't take care of himself, he is going to grab a knife and finally have it out with a local crocodile that keeps giving him problems when he is fishing. #TALU

  9. AHH! 18 dozen eggs in your fridge! I also sell eggs, I have one person that pays me $4 a sozen because he says that is what they are worth. I try to encourage him to buy frequently. Everyone else gives me $2 bucks. #TALU


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