Thursday, March 29, 2012

Perfect, Schmerfect

Apparently, I have used this blog to make myself appear better than I am.  My dad recently chastised me for not writing anything bad about myself.  He wondered why I hadn't written about an incident that occured a year ago.  Well, I wasn't writing on the blog a year ago.  He wasn't satisfied with the fact that I sent out a Christmas card to 80 people telling them about the incident to which he referred.  So, in order to dispel any false images you may have of me, I give you a lovely parenting story that gets brought up with annoying frequency.

It started off as any normal afternoon.  Race home from school, get chores and homework done while scarfing down some food, pack up the car, get everyone in it, and head to practices.

As usual, I had asked everyone if they had gone to the bathroom, as there are no facilities at track practice. 

We drove the 10 minutes to soccer, dropped off two kids, then drove another 20 minutes to get to track.  I was one of the coaches, so we were there to stay.  As I collected my things, I alerted everyone that we had arrived at our final destination and that they needed to stop reading and get their sweet little rear ends out of the car.

I saw one child get out, and the two little ones were making their way to the van door.  I couldn't see Giant. 

"Come on, Giant.  We're here!"

No answer.

"Not funny, Giant!  Let's go!"

No answer.  No little eight year old Giant.

I ran and grabbed Star, who sits in the back seat of our 12 passenger van with Giant, and basically yelled in his face, "Was Giant in the car when we left the house?"

"Um, no.  I don't think he was."

I couldn't even speak I was so astounded by that response. 

I grabbed my phone to see if he had called.  My ancient phone that I had just charged was dead.

I rudely grabbed the phone from a co-coach's hand and called home.

On the first ring, Giant answered with a sweet little, "Mommy?"

I left Star at practice and raced home, where I heard the story.  When I reminded everyone about the lack of facilities, he went to the bathroom.  When he came out, we were gone.  He tried to call, but there was no answer.  He knew I'd figure it out when we got to the track, so he simply watched TV until I called.

On the way back to pick everyone up from their practices, an ambulance went screaming by in the opposite direction.  My dear smart aleck commented, "Huh.  I wonder if another mom forgot her kid at home alone."

Feel better about yourself yet?  If not, you will in a minute.

A full two months later, we were once again headed to soccer.  For the first time, before or since, Turken yells from behind me, "Do we have everyone?"

"Yes, dear.  Phoenix, say hi."

Check.

"Buttecup?"

Check.

"Star?"

Check.

"Giant?"

No answer.

"Not funny, Giant.  Tell Turken that you're here."

No answer.  No Giant.

As I reach for my phone, it rings.

"Mommy?"

"Hi, Darling.  I left the house five minutes ago.  What took you so long to call?"

"I had to get back to the house first."

Yeah.  This time he came out of the house while we were still in the driveway.  He ran after us, waving and hollering, but we didn't see him.  Once we turned onto the street, he walked back to the house to call.

To give you a visual, this is the reenactment photo we included in our Christmas card. 
The moral of the story:  Get in the car when your mother says it is time to go.

Have a lovely, humbling day!

20 comments:

  1. Lol! That is way too funny to keep it to yourself. I'm so glad you shared it!! I'm still laughing...

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  2. See. Aren't you glad you told the story? You got an LOL from Raise them up!

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  3. Oh, yes. Thrilled. I love it when people laugh AT me.

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  4. I dare not say "how could that happen?" It's a wonder I even know my name some days. =)

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  5. Hi, I'm Anne from Life on the Funny Farm, and I'm visiting from the TALU. I'll have to come back to read your story b/c I have to dash right now, but I just wanted to say hi, let you know I added myself as a follower, I love that you gave your kids chicken breed names, and:
    "I have one loving husband, six wonderful children, dogs, chickens, pigs, a garden, a house built in the mid-1800s, and a head that doesn't stop spinning. You can often hear me muttering, "Is that normal?" "

    That's me. Except for the pigs (although they are coming next spring). How weird. How wonderful. Hello new friend!

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    1. Thanks for stopping in! I found your blog a couple of weeks ago and have been enjoying it thoroughly.

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  6. LOVE it!!!! We've all been there, or somewhere similar. Like one day my youngest stripped naked in the car while going through a car wash tunnel which resulted in me driving home with a naked, screaming, tantrum throwing kid in my back seat. Lucky I didn't get pulled over and have to explain that one!

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    1. Is it wrong for me to say that I almost wish you would have been stopped? It's hilarious that you had a naked, tantrum-throwing child strapped in the car, but I'm so curious about what a policeman would have done in that situation. Thanks for stopping in!

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  7. Not sure which is funnier ... that it happened a second time to the same kid (poor Giant is going to get a complex) or that you used it for your Christmas card LOL. Maybe you should assign seats in the van so whoever normally sits next to him will be more likely to notice him missing. ;)

    (New follower via the #TALU)

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    1. I was a bit worried about Giant, for all of about 5 seconds. He just needs to be quicker :) We don't send out a normal Christmas card. It's basically four pages of us making fun of ourselves. Each and every year. Actually, when this happened, all of the kids yelled, "It's going in the Christmas card!"
      Thanks for stopping by!

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  8. Oh man hahaha! I think everyone has a story like this, so don't feel bad.

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    1. I don't, anymore. I've found that every big family has a story very similar to this. But many of them happened before cell phones, and kids were left in many places besides home.

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  9. So flippin' funny!!!! Giant might be spendin' some time on a therapist's couch when he grows up, but hey, who doesn't. I'm a new follower from TALU.

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    1. My goal in life is to make sure all of my kids have stories to tell their therapists. Thanks for stopping by!

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  10. ha ha ha great great! how fun to have a big family isnt it? i love it!!I think everytime you all go out, a count off by shouting will be fun to do!! cheers!!

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    1. I have always counted heads when leaving school or some other location, but for some reason never did from home. Poor Giant.

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  11. Oh no. hahahaha - now it is funny, but then I'm sure you were going bonkers. Loved that last illustration lol

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    1. Bonkers for sure. The only thing keeping me somewhat calm was the fact that Giant is my most resourceful child. I knew he could take care of himself. I do crack up every time I look at that photo. Thanks for stopping in, and hosting such a great link-up!

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  12. Slowly reading all through your blog when I get a few spare minutes so only just caught up with this. Poor Giant, getting left behind once is bad enough but twice?? A very funny story though, it did make me laugh.

    I once did something similar with my son when he was about eleven years old; we were taking part in a car treasure hunt organised from work, though my friend and I were on motorbikes and my son rode pillion behind me. We stopped at one point to consult our clue sheet but when we set off again I realised when I got up the road that I'd left him behind in the lay-by!

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    1. Oh, I'm so glad to hear you are reading back through old posts. All that hard work just seems abandoned there in the archives.
      I'm glad you got a laugh out of the telling.
      I was nervous enough when I left him at home. Leaving him in a public place would have left me a complete wreck!

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