Friday, May 3, 2013

Quick Takes - AKA Getting This Blog Back to Normal

Good grief, it's been so long, I forgot to add the link to Jen!  Go forth and see more quick takes.  After you read mine, of course. 

************** 1 *************

So, I cut myself shaving, and it hurt, man!  Before you go and say, "I hate it when that happens," let me just say I would bet 100 bucks you never cut yourself like I did.

As you continue to read this story, please picture me completely clothed.  I am not a fan of public nudity.

I face away from the shower spray to shave.  I then have to twist around to rinse the razor.  Well, on one of my twists, I miscalculated my girth and swiped that razor right across my hip.  A three inch slice of pain, if you will, right along the line wear my underwear goes.  For 24 hours, while a 3 inch scab formed, my hip stung every time I moved. 

I am a genius.

************* 2 **************

Remember all of that rain during the two weeks leading up to the play?  During that time, lots of soccer games were postponed.  Guess when they were rescheduled for?  Yes, this week.  All of them.  Add those to the games already scheduled for this week, and my kids have a grand total of 25 games in nine days.  TWENTY FIVE!!!! IN NINE DAYS!!  Ya'll, this is ridonkulous. 

Fortunately, most of the games are home games, so we've been able to eat real dinners together at home.  Sure, dinner is at 4:00, but we're eating healthy home-cooked meals.  And the weather has been quite pleasant, so a night at the fields is not bad.  And it's ISTEP week, so no homework to worry about.   We're doing quite well, considering.

************ 3 *****************

Speaking of ISTEP, let's talk about stupid rules made by people who don't work in schools.

This week is the statewide ISTEP test.  All kids in grades 3-12 take it each year.  This year, the state made the rule that all students in all schools take the test online. 

There were many, many issues that made this a dumb idea, but we'll just skip right to the meat of the matter.  The finale, if you will.  Every single school in the state is using every single computer they have at the exact same time.  Guess what happens then? 

Computers crash.

Kids were getting kicked off the test in the middle of it, if they could even get on it in the first place.  Chaos ensued.  Monday's afternoon tests were cancelled.

Same problems the next day.  Schools were then told to go to 50% capacity.   Teachers were told they were to turn their own computers off until the end of the day.  Wednesday was marginally better.  Of course, with all of the setbacks, getting them all in will be just a touch difficult.  I feel the most compassion for the kids that stress about these things, especially the third graders who have never taken one before. 

I have no idea how any of these scores can even be valid.

It is not that big of a deal at our school, as we are parochial and can do our own thing.

For the public schools, though, it's a different story.  Last year, new rules went into effect which sets teacher pay partially based on their performance, which is partially based on the performance of their students on ISTEP.

Fiasco.  With a capital fiasco.

**************** 4 ************

Cuckoo wanted to know what kind of candy he was having after lunch.  Normally, this would be an easy question.  However, he doesn't like normal and threw me a curveball.  The candy was already in his mouth, being chewed, when he asked, then opened his mouth to show it to me.

*************** 5 ****************
It is check-up week here at the farm.  Two kids and two dogs had their yearly appointments.

All four patients had to get shots.  Each dog and the five year old received two, while the human teen needed one.  One person had to practically be hog-tied in order to get the shot, and it wasn't the dogs or the five year old.  We'll just say I have zero tolerance for a teen who loses her marbles at the sight of a needle.  It wasn't pretty.

You know what else isn't pretty?  My dogs.  They are outside farm dogs.  They do not go to a groomer.  They do not get bathed except in the heat of summer.  I brush them when I can find the blasted brush.  They do receive their heartworm medicine (usually) and their vaccines (always).

Trips to the vet are soooo much fun for dogs who have never been inside of a house or outside of their yard.   (Unlike the children, the dogs go in two different appointments, seeing as I cannot take two 90 pound dogs at once)  Each time we go, I look for every opportunity to jump in and defend my dog-parenting abilities.  This time, my opportunity came when the vet assistant said, "Your dog has dreadlocks all down his backside and legs."

The appointment got even better when the vet asked if Roy chews on things.  I deadpanned, "You mean like raccoons?  Or opossums?  Or tree limbs?  Or maybe chickens?  How about pig bones fresh out of the dead pig?  Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes."

Two days later, in a fit of anxiety, Hershey let his anal glands loose just as the vet was bending over to examine Hershey's rear.

Basically, they don't love me there.

Fortunately, they love, love, love my little boys, so they don't yell at me or turn me in for animal neglect.

 In the end, the vet discovered two ear infections, a dead tooth, and arthritis in our dear Roy.  He's a mess. 

**************** 6 **************

Turken and I have poison ivy.  I have no idea where we got it.  Thanks to appointments and games, we haven't done any yard work, (as the foot-long grass clearly demonstrates) so it is a big mystery.   The location of our rashes adds to the curious nature of it all.  Turken has it all over his chest, neck, and right arm. (He didn't have a single dot of it when we were at the doctor yesterday.)  I have it on the backs of my legs, riiiiight up next to my rear end.  Fortunately, he's tough and hasn't complained one wit about it. 

I, on the other hand, started itching last night and cursed all things nature as I climbed into bed.

Between the poison ivy and the three inch slash on my hip, I am praying I don't get in any sort of accident which would send me to the hospital in an unconscious state.  The doctors could have a field day trying to figure out the origins of all that is going on under my shorts.  (I know that sounds horrible.  I'm going to assume that no one will be reading that particular sentence out of context and take it the wrong way.  Behave yourselves.)

************ 7 ***********

I leave you with photos from our one free hour this week, which we enjoyed to the fullest extent possible.  We've been having some fantastic weather round these parts.

Have a lovely day!


  1. Hmm.. it was very difficult for me to imagine you fully clothed after I just read the post..LOL!!

    love the photographs!

  2. Jeez, that many games! Maybe it's time to teach Phoenix how to drive? Sure he's under aged, but think of all the time you'd save if you start using him to taxi the others around!

    1. One more year. He'll get his temps when he turns 15 in September, then can drive on his own when he turns 16. He will be driving whether he likes it or not.

  3. OK, I know it's early but for the life of me I couldn't figure out why you would be shaving your hip 'cause hair normally doesn't grow there. A hairy hip was a new one for me! Then I re-read it a few times and figured it out. That's where the razor landed. OUCH!!!!

    1. While it does seem my hair is now growing on every inch of my body, it hasn't gotten to my hips yet. Glad you figured it out. Yes. OUCH!

  4. I'm very sorry about the razor cut and the poison ivy. It's those stupid little things that often really annoy and preoccupy in life. But I loved your Quick Takes in general... the ordinary and extraordinary details of life made hilarious. :)

    1. It's amazing how such little things can consume so much of one's day.


  5. GOOD GOLLY you are up to your ears in it! Bless you--running your crew and feeding them between all those games.
    And about dogs? I hear ya. People don't always appreciate "outdoor dogs" since they're conditioned to only understand "indoor dogs."

    1. My ears are flooded, to say the least. Fortunately, we have the day off school today and have gotten plenty of relaxing and chores done.
      Glad I'm not the only one who has an outside dog. I always feel like I have to explain myself when people come to our house.

  6. Wow! Funny AND tiring! I had to laugh about the shaving accident, though! If it makes you feel any better, my friend accidentally cut her nipples as she went from shaving one armpit to the other! I told her that she was supposed to LIFT UP the razor blade! Ha ha!

    You poor thing regarding the poison ivy. NOT FUN!

    I hope the coming weeks are calmer for you!

    1. Oh my word, that sounds dreadful! Ouch, ew, and funny all at the same time.

      I get poison ivy at least two times each summer. Why, oh why, can't there be a vaccine for it??

      After this week, it will be smooth sailing.

  7. Oh dear, so much happening in your world this week! The photos are beautiful, the itchies are not! As for shots, I used to help the nurse with them in high school, and every time it was the big, touch football players that fainted, while the girls laughed and giggled and got it done!

    1. It's a busy one, for sure. We're almost to the end, though. All will be better next week. My daughter is tough as nails when she is on the soccer field, but put her in the room with a needle, and she acts worse than a two year old. People actually faint when they get shots??

  8. I shaved the tops off two mosquito bites, one on each shin, the night before I started junior high. (This is pre-safety razor - it was a single edge razor blade.) Much bleeding and searing pain. And I didn't want to wear band-aids on them the next morning, because I was wearing pantyhose to my first day of school and didn't want them to show through and make me look like a little kid. Soooo, when I got home from school that next day, I had to soak the pantyhose off the open sores on my shins.

    Beauty is painful.

    1. Ew, ew, ew! Beauty may be painful, but this is over the top. I'm thinking the band-aids would have been more attractive than hose scabbed into your legs. Once again, EW!

  9. Some days I don't know whether to laugh with you or cry with you. I am glad I am not the only one who has weeks like this!


  10. Once O had to get shots the nurse {who did NOT listen to me} came at O who has the strength of a kangaroo kicked the nurse ACROSS the room! The sound of the thud was amazing! she had to go back and get 3 more nurses to hold her down.
    I shaved 3 inches of skin off my shin in high school, talk about ugly scabs.
    beautiful park pictures!

    1. Hahahaha!!! The image of O and her kangaroo kick is hilarious. Although, I'm guessing the nurse wasn't laughing at the time. :)

      Thank you!

  11. That had to be one sharp razor to slice your hip throu your clothes. I picture you wearing mom jeans in the shower, as that's the only place they are acceptable.

    My laughter wore off quickly, however, when inroad about how kids take tests on line. That made me feel old. Not cool.

    But the redemption came with the checkups. Although I don't have kids, I have 3 dogs that always need something from the vet, so I can at least relate a bit. Not that your kids are like our dogs nhopefully your kids don't lick their own crotches and smell each other 's pee.

    1. What makes you think I own mom jeans??

      Sorry to make you feel old. Welcome to my world.

      No they don't lick their crotches, but they are boys. I wouldn't put the other past them.

  12. Im at the gym typing on my iPad so please excuse the large amount of typos in my last comment. I didn't notice it until after it posted. Flipping iPad!

  13. *shuts eyes* she is fully clothed, she is fully clothed... in... the shower... GAH fully clothed... haha I hope you are healing up faster than The Wolverine! If it makes you feel any better, I've never yet learned how to shave with a razor. I've used an electric shaver my entire life! So basically, if I were to try, I'd likely end up dead, or you know... worse... like morbidly mutilated.

    That is crazy they rescheduled all those games. I'd imagine a handful of parents are in panic mode about it, no? I am glad you are keeping your cool! I'd be one frantic rabbit.

    I think I heard about that school testing fiasco on the news some? What a stupid thing. I guess I don't understand who comes up with these ideas, but like you said, obviously no one working in the school system. I view it more as a common sense issue, though.

    How did you not start cracking up after answering the vet's question about chewing? lol OMN! that is hilarious!

    Sorry to hear about the poison ivy. It's been ages since I've ever had to deal with that, and I definitely do not envy you :)

    *closes eyes again* stay in context, stay in context... So, you are a bloody mess it seems lately. If you do have to go into the clinic/hospital I would advise you to avoid wearing over-sized sun glasses and telling the Dr/nurse you tripped.

    Jak at The Cryton Chronicles & Dreams in the Shade of Ink

    1. Thank you for keeping things modest. :)
      Never shaved with a razor?? Impressive.

      Not much gets me frazzled anymore.

      It has been all over the news in Indiana. I don't know about other places. Too many people think that just because they went to school, they know what should happen in a classroom.

      I have poison ivy at least three times each summer. I'm really wishing there was a vaccine for it.

      I did start laughing after I saw her reaction. She wasn't impressed. :)

      Ha! I will keep that in mind.

  14. Ouch. That cut sounds so sore. And poison ivy as well. I think you need a week off to recover. Just lounge on the sofa and watch the food channel. :-)
    from The Dugout


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