Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Interviews With the Pig Wranglers

********** Wednesday morning, as the kids ate breakfast ************

Christine:  So Buttercup, tell me.  When did you realize that something had gone terribly wrong outside last night?

Buttercup:  When Dad called me.

C:  What was the first thing you saw?

B:  A pig out of the barn.

C:  And what was it doing?

B:  Just looking at Dad.

C:  Why did he call you outside?  What did he want you to do?

B:  He yelled at me to grab the barn fence.  He used it to corral the pig back to the barn.  He also yelled at me to get the barn door open.

C:  And Giant, why didn't you go out, too?  Perhaps with a camera?

G:  I didn't know what was going on.  Dad called her, and she went.

C:  Did Dad sound panicky?

B:  Yes.

G:  I don't know.  I couldn't hear him.

C:  How did you not hear him?

G:  She was the one who answered the phone.

C:  Hold up.  He didn't come to the door and yell into the house?  He actually called from the yard on his cell phone?

G:  Yes.

********* The night before ****************

Christine (on the phone):  Hi, Honey.  Just wanted to make sure someone fed the pigs, since Phoenix isn't home.

H (breathing hard):  Yeah, they got fed, but not the way you're thinking.

C:  What?

H:  When I got home, there were two pigs in the orchard.

C:  Aah!  How?

H:  They busted through the barn wall.  I have to go.  I'll tell you about it when you get home.

************** An hour later, Christine pulls up to the house, where she sees her husband rolling a large piece of tree stump down the hill and putting it in front of the barn door.  This conversation takes place in the front yard. ************

C:  What happened?

H:  I put the little kids to bed, then came outside to make sure the pigs had water.  I walked around the house, and when I got right about there, (points to the "garage") I saw a pig on its way to the garden.  I then saw another one under a tree in the orchard.

C:  Where were the dogs?

H:  I realized they hadn't figured out the breech of security, so I found Roy and tied him up.  Hershey followed me.

C:  How'd she do when she saw the pigs?

H:  She immediately hopped on one, but stopped when I told her to.

C:  How did you get them back in the barn?

H:  Well, the first one just ran back in when it saw me, and that is how I figured out their escape route.  The second one ran up to me, just to say hello.  He then went back to digging around the yard.  I used one of the barn slats the pigs knocked out to try and corral the pig, but it wasn't working.  I basically just scared it around to the other side of the barn, far away from the hole in the wall.  I told Buttercup to get the barn door open and guard it so the others didn't get out.  Finally, I just grabbed the pig by the hind legs and drug it back in.

C:  You drug it???

H:  Yes, and it didn't like it one bit.  It was flailing and squealing something awful.

C:  So the barn is now fixed?

H:  Yes.

C:  And the tree stump by the barn door?

H:  Extra precaution.

**************** After breakfast this morning, a walk around the scene *************

The hasty repair job on the barn

"Extra precautions"

**************** and drawings *************

First indication that something is amiss.
Confirmation that yes, something is just not right.  (Don't ask me why this pig looks like his parents were an odd pig/elephant mix.)
Shocking, really that this tactic didn't work.

Pig Wrangler Extraordinaire.
*********** Du, du, duuuuuu **************

The pigs are planning their next escape.  There is a big trench dug out right next to the fence.  A pig posse has never done this before, so after last night, worry has set in.

Christine is a fake farmer, mother of 6.  Sadly, she was at a soccer game with her third oldest when the above event occurred.  Besides the disappointment she felt in not being a part of this new pig adventure, she is mostly appalled with her children.  She was heard to yell, "How in the name of all that is good, did not a single one of you think to grab a camera when this all went down???   Have you not learned anything from me?????" 

Have a lovely day!

39 comments:

  1. Haha, I am loving drawings from paint. Cracks me up!! Might even be better than the real thing lol!

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    1. Glad you liked them. I had an unusually good time making them. :)

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  2. That made me laugh until I cried! 1. Me thinks there's a lot more attorney than pig farmer in your husband. Breach of security? BAHAHAHAAA! 2. Perhaps a long talk with the dogs is in order? Obviously, the pigs need to be reprimanded. 3. I'm sure he can bill the pigs .25 hours for the phone call from his cell phone alone. 4. Love your artwork!

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    1. There is no doubt, he is a much better attorney than farmer. Bless his heart. :) If only the pigs could pay. Oh wait. They will come September!
      Thanks!

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  3. Your drawings help capture the moment, although the expressions might have been different if your husband heard a child yell, "Smile, Dad! I'm trying to take a photo for Mom!"

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    1. Hahaha!! I told the kids that if their dad ever calls them on his phone or sounds panicky when calling them outside, one is to just go with him while another is to get a camera. They were warned that the photographer better stay out of the way and not draw attention to himself, as Dad would not be pleased to have a photographer mess up whatever he is doing. And then I warned my husband that future fiascos would be captured. :)

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    1. Ha! And, I'm not wasting our good sausage on them. I think we all know what the pig punishment will be...

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  5. Wow! Good for him. And clearly you haven't been influencing your children enough - go and do it some more. And let me know when you want me to come mow that yard (I know, yesterday, right?)

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    1. Shoot, I was hoping no one noticed the lack of mowing around the orchard/garden! I swear, the rest of the yard got done! This weekend is Memorial Day (three day weekend) and LOTS of yardwork will get done. You and your mom are welcome to join us!!

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  6. I have to admit that I, too, am disappointed in your children...though, your artistic renderings do capture the moment as nothing else could...and I do mean NOTHING else. ;)

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    1. :) Can you tell I took an acting class instead of an art class, in college?

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  7. I have to tell you, your drawings are just about as good as the real thing. Just about!

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    1. Why thank you! I've really been practicing. :) (No I haven't.)

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  8. Those drawings were hilarious! While it may have been fantastic to see some pictures, then we would have been deprived of your artistic renderings. Great story!

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    1. And life isn't complete without artistic renderings. I always have fun drawing them.

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  9. Please, please, please tell me that one of the pigs is named Wilber!!!

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    1. Ha! We haven't named them for a couple of years now. The first year we named them Pork Chops, Applesauce, and Leftovers, just to make the point crystal clear what these pigs were for. The second year we named them after my siblings. Last year's group had one that looked way too much like Wilbur, and I got nervous.

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  10. I NEVER would have stopped for a photo of any sort of emergency with only one kid but after the second one was born, I make sure I take a picture for any sort of entertaining event. After 6... well, you have to. Maybe you need to make that a posted rule in your house. Do like Pinterest and frame it "House Rules: Funny emergencies must always be photo-documented."

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    1. I didn't take any of my oldest either, mostly because he was so straight-laced that there wasn't any emergency to capture. With our daughter, though, so much material. I've been taking them ever since, much to the kids' dismay. :)
      Great idea about the house rules. We haven't hung anything on the kitchen walls since the remodel. Maybe I'll do something in there...

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  11. LOL! I love your re-enactments! It always looks like a particularly gruesome pig murder occurred in your yard.

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    1. Thanks!
      Probably because there usually has been a gruesome pig murder in our yard.

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  12. Your photoshop skills are brilliant;)

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  13. HA! This is great. Love the drawings.
    Glad the bacon is safe. ;-)

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    1. Thank you! I am very happy about the safe bacon, too. Very happy.

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  14. The whole thing made me laugh, but the drawings on the photos? - Brilliant!! Thanks for brightening my day!

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    1. Glad you liked them! I always have fun drawing them.

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  15. Oh my goodness!!! I wish there were dark action pictures like the pictures of you and Phoenix pulling the drown dead pig to pasture... Oh i wish! You really should hang a camera by the back door, because I think that pig has drawn out plans and hid them under the trough like Templeton did.
    Your poor husband never figured he'd be calling Buttercup for help last night did he? We always call for O because she is quick to act and think, the boys stand and watch in amazement.

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    1. Oh I do, too! A camera by the door...hmmmm...
      Men will almost always do well to call a woman when he finds himself in an emergency. :)

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  16. Over from Green Girl in WI.

    And THAT was very funny!!

    Greetings from Minneapolis,

    Pearl

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    1. Thanks for dropping by!

      I'm glad you liked it.

      Minneapolis is a lovely place. My husband lived there for a year before we got married.

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  17. Haahaa! I'm with everybody else...your drawings were AWESOME! :D

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    1. Who knew stick figures could make people so happy? :)

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  18. HAHAHA! In the middle of a crisis/chaos ALWAYS grab the camera. :-)
    from The Dugout

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    1. ALWAYS!! How do the kids not know that by now?!?!?!

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  19. Lmao that is hilarious! I can't believe no one grabbed a camera to take pictures. You know you really should just install security cams to catch all the shenanigans on film. Then you can Youtube them :)

    I'm a bit concerned, though. Pigs (I think) have good memory... I've NO idea the massive memory capacity of a pigephant! Your hubby better be careful, the one he dragged is likely plotting its revenge. Tell him to speak softly, and carry a big pen... >.>

    Jak at The Cryton Chronicles & Dreams in the Shade of Ink

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    1. I know! If I didn't give birth to them, I wouldn't believe they were mine. A security camera is actually a great idea. We won't do it, for a variety of reasons, but it is a great idea.
      Ha! It makes sense now! Since the event, pigephant practically attacks us each time we go into the pen.

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