For a while now, Kate and Stephanie have tried to lure me into getting on the Twitter bandwagon. I have managed to avoid it thus far. Unfortunately, my brain is getting in on the act.
My brain keeps thinking in tweets. Something will happen, and my brain will immediately work on telling about it in a simple one or two sentence synopsis. It even checks to make sure it's less than 140 characters.
I am not, I repeat, NOT getting a Twitter account, no matter how much my brain nags me. Instead, I shall put my non-tweets here.
1. I made my first blog button. I think I'll sew it onto my shoulder-padded blue blazer, as neither should ever actually see the light of day. #IthinkIdiditwrong#U-G-L-Yyouaintgotnoalibi
2. Anyone know how to discretely scratch the 10 bug bites lined up under the band of my underwear? Reaching up under my skirt isn't working. #howdidthemosquitoesgetthere? #IswearIdidn'tmeantoflashyouOfficer
3. Our 19th wedding anniversary is next week. My husband and son are celebrating by going on a dream vacation to Puerto Rico. #Igottheshaft #Ibettergetmorethanat-shirt
4. My fingers look like I just plucked a mouse. Will I ever remember to clean the lint screen BEFORE I put the wet clothes in the dryer? #wheredoeslintcomefromanyway? #yesIdoknowwhatapluckedmouselookslike
5. FYI: Slipping and falling on your butt in the baby pool of a fancy country club will not endear you to the trophy wives sitting on the pool deck. #savethebabies #ouch
6. Whoever decided to put in mile markers every HALF mile never answered the question, "How much farther?" with "When the mile markers get to zero" #notcoolstateofIndiana #thenextoneis73.5 #thenextoneis73.0 #thenextoneis72.5#thenextoneis72.0 #thenextoneis71.5 #thenextoneis71.0...
7. A helium balloon is like a gigolo. It's loads of fun until the first time you release your grip and it flies away. Or pops on the ceiling. #notthebestsimileI'veevermade #Ihatewaitresseswhopassoutheliumballoons
8. I am unhappy to report that I learned "bled like a stuck pig" is in fact an appropriate simile for someone who is bleeding profusely. #raisingpigsisdumb
9. After seeing the ads all over TV, I think the only dating site that hasn't been created is IneedtoregistereverytimeImove.com. #soooogladI'mmarried
10. Just played "Memory" with my 5yo to prove I still had some brain cells left. I lost. #allmyconversationsincludethewords"what'shisname?"
Glad I got that out of my system. Maybe now I can go back to thinking in nice, long, over-wordy, parentheses-filled blog posts.
Have a lovely day!