Monday, March 11, 2013

Maybe if I Had a Bench

Friday dawned bright and beautiful.  Finally, finally, the clouds blew away and we got to enjoy some sun.  And the temperature even got up to a sweltering 42 degrees! 

I have been singing all day.  I have sung the same song every single sunny day of my life. (Hello obnoxious alliteration.)

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood,
a beautiful day for a neighbor,
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
.....
So let's make the most of this beautiful day,
Since we're together we might as well say,
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
Won't you be my neighbor?

Because it really was a blindingly beautiful day.  (I can't seem to stop them.)

After picking the big kids up from school, I told them to get themselves into the out of doors, and then sang all the way up to the door.

"It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood..."

Once inside, I immediately took off my shoes and donned my favorite warm slippers, which I keep right next to the door.

I took off my coat, hung it up, then grabbed my warm fuzzy robe I leave on the banister by the front door.

As I put my sleeves into the robe, I had a shocking revelation.

I HAVE BECOME MR. ROGERS!!!!



This revelation led to a whole thread of thoughts regarding the late, great Mr. Rogers of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood fame.  Am I really anything like him?

Let's have a little look-see.  (Make it stop.)

1.  He always talked in a quiet, calm voice.   Um, no, I don't do that.  I probably would, though, if, like him, I didn't have to be in the same house with the children to whom I was talking.  If I didn't have someone challenging me with follow-up questions every time a sentence exits my mouth or someone demanding me to, "Wipe my bottom!" or multiple children yelling, "Mom!" I could talk in a quiet, calm voice all the live long day, too.  It's actually my dream to always talk in a quiet, calm voice. 

OK, that's probably not true.  I've never talked in a quiet, calm voice.

2.  His house was spotless.  Once again, my house would be spotless, too, if children didn't actually live with me.

Um, that's probably not true either.  For the first four years of our marriage, we didn't have any kids.  Our apartment was not spotless. 

3.  He had fish that never died.  We had fish once.  They died.  We flushed them.  Now we raise pigs and chickens.  And they all die, too.  They don't get flushed, but some get thrown in the back field.  Others get eaten by us.  

I'd like to see Mr. Roger Calm Pants work a farm.

4.  He had a trolley run through his house.  We have a train run next to our house.  It is a lot louder than the trolley and it doesn't have random, fun things on it.  Usually coal or some such thing.

5.  Mr. Rogers was friends with the mailman, Mr. McFeely.  While our mail lady doesn't come to our door, (I actually don't even know what she looks like.) I am friendly with the lady that works at our small-town post office.  I would never call her McFeely, though.  It seems that moniker should be saved for a character in a show most certainly not appropriate for little kids.

6.  He keeps one hand in the land of make-believe.   (Apparently, we've left alliteration and moved on to rhyming.)  While I do have my own make-believe land, mine most certainly does not include puppets.  It is more of a world where my husband feeds me grapes and gives me massages as I lounge on the beach under a palm tree.  I go there pretty much any time I have to deal with purple poo or bickering children.  Which, by the way, Mr. Rogers never has to do.  I don't quite know why he needs his land of make-believe.

Yeah, we aren't anything alike.  We just happen to share the feelings of always being cold and hating to be barefoot.

Revelation crushed.  We're all good.

Have a lovely day!

18 comments:

  1. Good 'ol Mr. Rogers...yeah, I'm nothing like him either, especially that calm voice he has. Oh and if it makes you feel any better, we had fish once too and I could not keep them alive for very long either.

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    1. Good to know. I don't know what we were thinking. If we can't keep a fish, why do we think we can keep real farm animals?

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  2. Holy crap! I swear... I need a new keyboard. I should know by now when I take my "break" to read your posts to NOT drink Diet Pepsi at the same time. McFeely...LOL. I was laughing so loud, my friend several cubicles over sent me a message to ask if I was okay!

    Julia

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    1. Hahahaha! So sorry. Honestly, though, you've been a reader of the blog long enough to know better.

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  3. Oh goodness are you back on chocolate??? That was a funny post! ...Apparently we have moved on from alliteration to rhyming... ahahahahah
    And whispering scares kids, they think you really are going to loose it!
    j

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    1. Not a single M&M has crossed my lips. Glad you liked it.

      My kids certainly know that if I'm whispering in a moment when I should be very angry, they should tread carefully.

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  4. We once lived near a train track, too. Generally all we saw were the typical freight trains, but two trains were memorable: a steam-engine train, and a circus train. I was as excited as the kids to see the circus train!

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    1. A circus train! I didn't think those even existed.

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  5. Oh Gawd, I used to watch Mr. Rogers change his sweater and sneakers every day after school. I do go to the land of make believe every day where I have a beautiful life with Anderson Cooper and his mother Gloria Vanderbilt just adores me. That's right, I turned a gay man straight.

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  6. That's a very creepy name for a character in a kids show, but probably no worse than Chitty Chitty Bang Bang's 'Childsnatcher', really.

    Your post reminded me of a song I listened to growing up - The railroad runs through the middle of the house. It was on a 'Hello Children Everywhere' CD and I loved it.

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    1. I had forgotten about Childsnatcher. Not a good name.

      We have a pizza chain around here that has a little train that runs through the wall to deliver drinks. Kids love it. I want one in my house.

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  7. Hi-larious!

    This post is amazingly brilliant and witty, and it got me thinking, could I write a follow up post to this on my blog? I can put a link on my blog to your post, which would encourage people to come and read this first. Then I would write a follow up with some questions/observations about Mr. Rogers and what you pointed out. It wouldn't be derogatory to you or anything like that. I just think this idea is genius and I would love to play off of it, assuming you're okay with it, of course.

    I've never done this before but I feel completely compelled to give it a try. I mean, anyone who eats half a pan of brownies is someone who gets me.

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    1. I'm so glad you liked it. Feel free to write the post.

      A pan of brownies is one of my favorite things in the world. How can you not eat half a pan?

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  8. I always thought Mr. Rogers was a bit creepy. And now that you've pointed out McFeeley...hmmm...

    That's another difference. You aren't creepy.

    Did you see my post today? You are in it. :) No one wants to be my neighbor right now. LOL

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    1. So glad you find me uncreepy.

      Your post is hilarious. No one wants to be my neighbor either, but I can understand that.

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  9. I adored Mr. Rogers. Even as a grown up right now I find him so soothing. And I admired his open curiosity about the world and other people. For his time he was revolutionary really.

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    1. He really was revolutionary. I do like his way of encouraging kids to slow down and really look closely at things. To study them and delve deeper.

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Thank you for taking the time to tell me what you're thinking!