Tuesday, March 12, 2013

This Boot Was Made For Walkin'



For a torn ligament or two.  But, thanks to my voracious milk-drinking, no broken bones.

(Jen, are you taking notes on how to announce things? :) (This is filler.  I have to write more, since you can't put an ending parenthesis right after you put a smiley face.  It looks funny.))

I will be in this lovely bit of footwear for at least 10 days.  Then I am to go back for a check-up to see where things stand. 

I've had lot of time on the couch to ponder things.  Like muffins being given to a particular mouse and how that relates to my life.

If you injure your foot, you won't be able to walk on it.

If you can't walk on it, you won't be able to take care of little children.

If you can't take care of little children, the little children in your care will watch a whole lot of PBS.

If they watch PBS, you will have lots of time to think about how much you have to pee.

When you can't take it anymore, you will finally get the gumption to get off the couch and use the facilities.

When you get off the couch, you will tell the little children that you are going to the bathroom.

If you tell them, it will remind the three year old that he has watched a lot of TV and has to pee really badly, too.

If your three year old has to pee, he will sprint to the bathroom.

In his sprint to the bathroom, he will run into you and knock you off balance.

If you are knocked off balance, your foot will hit the ground really hard.

If your injured foot hits the ground, you will pee your pants.

Hitting your foot and peeing your pants will make you involuntarily curse.

When you curse, your three year old will almost feel badly.

Since he just almost feels badly, he won't let you go first, but will yell, "I just have to pee!  I'll be fast!"

If he keeps yelling like that, he won't pay attention to what he's doing.

When little boys don't pay attention, they make a mess.  That they won't clean up.

While you clean up the mess, the three year old will finish peeing and wash his hands.

After he washes his hands, you will finally get to go to the bathroom.

Getting to finally go means you get to sit down and get off of your foot.

If you get off your foot, it will start to throb.

And when it starts to throb, you will remember that you injured your foot.

When you injure your foot, you can't walk on it.

And if you can't walk on your foot, you are stuck sitting on the toilet.

I've learned a few things besides the importance of keeping my mouth shut when I head to the restroom.  For one, if you are going to injure yourself, make sure you do the grocery shopping first.  We have been without milk and fruit for two days.  I miss my milk.  And my fruit.

Also, make sure your husband breaks his foot six weeks before you injure yours.  He'll be more compassionate.  He will also have tips, like the best way to crawl up the stairs.  Most importantly, he will have leftover pain medicine, when your doctor didn't even discuss pain relief.  (I didn't realize it until we were half-way home.)

Don't hold back when telling your kids how much pain you are in.  They may just feel enough pity to do some things without being told.  Star actually did laundry while I napped.  Buttercup took care of dinner.  She only had to thaw pre-made food from the freezer and put it in the oven, but apparently it taxed her greatly.  She kept saying, "I don't know how you do it.  I'm only getting dinner ready and getting the boys to wash their hands.  How do you do everything else, too?"  Giant has been playing with the little boys even more than normal, being extra sweet with them.  It has been quite pleasant around here.

I'm milking this foot thing as long as I can.

Not with actual milk, though. 

We're out of that.

Have a lovely day!


  1. Should I call the authorities? First your husband breaks his foot and now you? I really ain't the suspicious type but somethin' smells awfully fishy. Seriously, I'm so sorry for your injury and I hope you are on the mend real soon. And who misses fruit????

    1. Feel free to investigate further. I'm getting worried.
      Thanks for the positive thoughts.
      I only miss fruit because I gave up M&Ms. I'm starving!

  2. At least it's only for 10 days! And remember that no one else knows what your injury feels like, and you don't have pain meds, so you can TOTALLY milk this for all it's worth and then some. I mean, you're dealing with all of this without the benefit of pain meds. I'd say you're a trooper and not only do you deserve milk and fruit, but a day at the spa and a fresh bouquet of flowers (that the kids would have to water).

    Hang in there and eat more brownies. Doctor's orders.

    1. I am thoroughly enjoying my spot on the couch. The kids are still willing to help without complaint, so we're good for now.

      I may have to mention to Buttercup that a bite of brownie sounds good.

  3. Oooh... I feel badly for you. And I feel doubly bad because I'm laughing because you are so darn funny. I'm not laughing AT you I'm laughing because you made me do it. Torn ligaments are not funny though and can be harder to heal than bones. I hate to be a downer but you really do need to take it slow. Pretend I'm your mother. I'm telling you that 10 days is to heal the trauma and you still need to do the right things after that. I am not a doctor but I agree with Lisa... eat more brownies. :)

    1. As long as you're not laughing at me. :)
      Funny, you do sound just like my mother. I am liking all of this brownie advice. I'm thinking that will be Buttercup's project this afternoon.

  4. Oh bless you! I'm right there with the laughing though - get your husband to get you some incontinence pads along with the milk and fruit when he does the grocery shopping, then annoying toilet breaks will be a thing of the past and you can stay on the couch ALL day. Heal quickly x

    1. You had to go straight to the heart of the matter. I may not go for it, but I'm seriously thinking about putting Cuckoo back in diapers!

    2. You'd still have to get up ;)

  5. Noooooo! Well, at least it isn't broken (Queen of the Silver Lining speaking). And you can shave it if need be, since it's not in a cast (another silver lining). And there are pain meds. PAIN MEDS. (We won't go into the legalities of using someone else's prescription for a controlled substance. There are PAIN MEDS!) HEAL! (Did you feel the heel of my hand smacking against your forehead?)

    1. I do take some of the pain meds at night if I need to, but I can't take them during the day. They make me loopy, which is not a good state to be in while caring for and driving children around.
      And yes, I felt it. Ouch.

  6. Oh so THAT is how you tell bad news. hahahah. Not actually laughing AT your bad news but that you took the time to teach me how to deliver news while in such pain. I think you should paint the boot purple, spray paint sticks to everything.
    Yes watch the list you send for foods, my list is never followed. But the shopper and his helper always get things they like, for example store bought pop tarts...
    Okay so 1 days. How will you manage? I am flying up to Mi to go get Great grandma out of rehab {i'm springing her and we're making a run for the hills} want me to drive over and rescue you too?
    sorry about the pain, thank you for the news breaking direction. no new news to break right now

    1. :)
      The only reason my husband will stick to a list this time around is that he gave up sweets for lent. We're good for now.
      You are actually leaving the warmth of home to fly to Michigan? I wish I could join you. Good luck with your grandmanapping.
      Still praying...

  7. I know I've seen spoof versions of Goodnight Moon; I think you've got a chance of publishing If a Volleyball Player Is Voodooed!

    Heal quickly, and take the advice about the brownies.

    1. Ha!
      That's three votes for brownies. Consider it done.

  8. Oh, you should totally make them all wait on you hand and foot! With a huge cast boot thingie like that, you should be able to really milk it for all it's worth.

  9. Glad to hear it's not a break and you won't be in the boot for too long. At least if you have to wear one, this is the best time of year for it. I always managed to end up in a case over the summer as a kid - no fun, and VERY itchy from the heat. I once spiral fractured all the bones in one leg, then had knee surgery during two other summers. For me, the bathroom wasn't the issue - it was the house we rented one summer. When I was out of the hard cast and into a boot, not once but twice it got velcroed to the carpet on the stairs and I fell down them LOL. Funny now ... not so much then!

  10. Ouch! Glad you didn't break it and I hope your ten days went better or at least as well as this one without the off balance hobble to the bathroom!


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