Monday, September 8, 2014

The Phone Story...Which You Will Probably Find Anti-climactic After That Awesome Teaser on Saturday

I am not technologically advanced.

I don't like my technology to change.

That is why my phone, which I have had for four years, had never been updated.

Until last weekend, I still had version 4.1.

I don't know what that means.  I don't know what it is a version of.  All I know is that when the kids heard this bit of info, they were appalled.  They laughed and shook their heads vehemently. It must mean something bad to illicit such a reaction.

And apparently I'm addicted to Instagram, because if it weren't for that app, I'd still be blissfully clicking away on a version 4.1 phone.

Last weekend, Star and I went to a pro soccer game.  I had taken a few photos with my phone, and he wanted to borrow it to post some of them to Instagram.  (Because my kids don't have their own iPhones.)

In order to do this, he had to log out of my account and log into his.

So, he logged out, and tried to log in with his name.

Except it wouldn't let him.

Instead, it scolded, "We cannot let you log in, because your app is outdated.  Come back when you aren't such a loser, you ancient non-updater."

OK, maybe that shouldn't have been in quotes.

Regardless, we couldn't get back into Instagram until I updated it.

Fine.  I'll update the stupid app.

I told Star to do it, and he tried.

But it didn't work.

Instead, I was once again scolded, "You need version 7.0 in order to update Instagram.  Even my grandma updates her phone, you ridiculous dinosaur."

This is when I went into a bit of a panic, right there in the stands.

Star, I don't know how to update my phone!!  What am I supposed to do?!?!  You took away my Instagram.  PUT IT BACK!!!!

I had to go the entire rest of the game and the whole ride home without one time ever checking to see if someone liked the photo I posted.

I'm ashamed to admit how much that rocked my world.

We got home at approximately 10:00pm.  Star went to bed, and I implored Bryan to FIX IT!!

He took one look at my phone and said, "This is SO OLD!  I don't even know how to work it.  Why haven't you updated this thing?  My mom, who leased a rotary phone from the phone company until 1989, would have updated her smartphone if she had one."

After the tongue-lashing, we got to work, because I wasn't about to go to bed without getting this fixed.

We tried the plug the phone in and let it update method, but alas, that didn't work.  Instead we got a message from the computer, "Are you kidding me?!?!  You haven't updated iTunes either??  Even the Amish would have known to update their blasted computer.  Cut the cord, Lady, and get with the program!"

So, I updated iTunes and Bryan went to bed.  It took a long time.

All told, between updating iTunes and backing up my phone, I was up until after midnight.

And I still, STILL didn't have my Instagram back.

The next morning, I was up early to get it done.  At several points throughout the process, I could be heard yelling, "Is this what is supposed to happen?!" or "What does this mean??!!" or "Is it supposed to take this long?!!?"  I may have even thrown in a few, "Star, you better hope this works, 'cause this is all your fault!"

It took two very long hours.  With each new step, I got more nervous.  Star was getting anxious himself, even though he had talked like he was completely confident that everything would work just fine.  We tried to take our minds off of it by making breakfast, but that plan was derailed.  The little boys kept coming in to tell us, SOMETHING IS HAPPENING!"

For the last few steps, we never moved from our spots in front of the computer.  We watched those little bars intently.  Every time the "percentage complete" changed, one of the little boys would yell, "It moved!  The bar is bigger!"

Actually, the whole scene brought to mind the time our cat had kittens.  The cat was in a box in our house, and we kids were all surrounding it, watching with our eyes wide and jaw dropped.  Kitten after kitten was born, and with each one we'd yell out, "There's another one!"

I'm a bit disconcerted that the kids and I are treating the update of my phone the same as my siblings and I treated the birth of kittens.  Something's not quite right about that.

Bit of irony coming at you... The image of us all huddled around the computer would have made a great shot TO POST ON INSTAGRAM.

All told, almost 5 hours of my life was spent updating my phone.

Five hours I didn't spend sleeping.  Five hours I didn't spend reading TTot posts.  Or even getting my own written.  I know, that's what tabs are for and I technically could have done that while the computer was doing its thing with my phone.  Except no.  I couldn't.  What if something happened?!?!  I could overload it or slow it down so much it messed up or crash the whole darn thing.  Nope.  Couldn't do it.  So I wasted 5 hours looking at a screen.

When the phone finally, FINALLY, said, "Hello, slide to start" we cheered and cheered and cheered.  We cheered so long that the phone switched to "Hola, el slido to starto".  As my finger went to turn the phone on, Star screamed, "NO!  DON'T TOUCH IT!"

That was close.  Technology is hard enough in English.  Imagine how awful I'd be in Spanish!  So we waited through Chinese and Japanese and 100 other languages for English came around again.  Which, of course, we missed because we were still celebrating.

After a few more palm-sweat-inducing decisions that I just don't have the energy to rehash, but just know that they included a few, "WHAT DO I DOOOOO??"s and other overly dramatic cries, the phone was once again on and filled with my photos and contact information.

First thing I did, of course, was go to get my Instagram back and update it.

A little timeline to illustrate just how horribly deficient my brain is in the area of computers...

1.  Go to iTunes to get Instagram.
2.  Push update button.
3.  Push "go to app".
4.  Smile when I see all of the likes from the previous night's post.
5.  Go to the phone's home screen to check out the new look.
6.  Slide to the next screen.
7.  Become concerned when I don't see my Instagram app.
8.  Go back to iTunes and push "go to app" again.
9.  Smile at the photo.
10  Go to phone's home screen, then slide to second page.
11.  Panic when I don't have Instagram app.
13.  Throw phone at Bryan.
14.  Bryan calmly scrolls to the THIRD screen and says, "Those three dots mean there are three pages."
15.  Mumble a thank you and drift off to peruse everyone else's Instagram posts.

After a week, I have managed to mostly figure out the new and annoyingly not old way of doing things.  The only hiccup we have had was when Giant started getting all of my texts on his iPod (So glad I didn't write anything incriminating!!).  Got that fixed immediately.

The only ongoing problem I haven't fixed is my voicemail.  Seems I have a password for it but an inability to remember it or change it.  So, don't expect to leave a message if you call.

So, thank you for sticking with the story about the phone.  I guess it kinda makes you feel like you are right there with me, with the story dragging on and on just like the updating did.


  1. Oh, I'm right there with you, all right, but only because I can totally relate to this post. I just got a smartphone a couple of months ago after holding onto the same not-smart phone for 9 YEARS. So, I just learned from your post that apparently I have to update my phone every so often. Thanks. I think. Updating sounds painful.

    1. The only reason I got a smartphone was because my flip phone died. The day I accidentally left Giant home alone. Bryan came home with it without even discussing it.
      Yes. Read Rachel's comment below to figure out when and how. :)
      It was only painful because I had never done it in so many years. Normally, it doesn't take nearly so long.

  2. Well! I think you have learned a valuable lesson here, young lady. I'm going to share this post with my SIL who also does not like to update.

    1. I most certainly have. The kids will never be allowed to touch my phone again! :)

  3. I can beat this...I don't even have a phone. At all. I wouldn't know the first thing about your old phone. And....I don't care about phones.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

    1. Part of me wouldn't mind being phone-less, too. Unfortunately, pay phones are a thing of the past, and I need to talk to my kids sometimes when they are out and about.

  4. Oh my goodness! Next time go to your setting button. Than is a gear and next to it says general. From that settings you have the options of clicking on software updates. It will run a check and let you know if you need to update or not!

    1. Well thank you, Rachel! I may just have to keep up with this updating thing, as much as I hate to. At least now I know where to get that info! :)

  5. I hate Blogger because Blogger hates me. I have to enter comments three times on Blogger sites to get them to post.
    The conversation about the old phone sounds an awful lot like my Hub and my Mom when he tells her that 99% of her phone issues are because she has the first cell phone ever made. And the conversations where the wife is impatiently whining at the husband to fix the phone right noooooooow sound an awful lot like me and the Hub when I want mine to do something and it requires updating steps. Honestly. Smart phones indeed.

    1. Oh, Lisa. I'm so sorry my blog won't let you comment. Thank you for sticking it out and commenting. (Do you copy your comments before you try to post them so you don't have to rewrite them?)

      I don't understand what the need is for all the updates anyway. It just causes pain and suffering for such a little return. It's not like that much changes besides the look of things.

      Glad I am in some good company with you and your mom. :)

  6. Girl you have a brand new phone after all of that updating. I find this hilarious because the next version officially called iOS8 is coming out very very soon - maybe today. Last year I was refreshing my software update at 10am California time on the day that it was released. I'm almost hoping that today isn't the day because I won't be home at that time today. If you really really want to get fancy you really don't need iTunes or your computer to update your phone anymore. All the apps and stuff is "in the cloud". There was something tricky about that voicemail. I never had a password either. I think you just have to call your provider. It also seems like I put in one of my million passwords and it worked like it just wanted me to type in something and then after that it never asked for a password again. Try that. If it doesn't work, call your provider.

    1. Ha! Yes, I heard I would once again be outdated in approximately 8 hours. :)
      Still haven't figured out the password. I even tried 0000. Guess the provider will be getting a call.
      Thanks for the update tip! Good thing I don't need the computer anymore, 'cause when I plugged my phone in to download photos, my computer said it was an unknown device. Couldn't get anything off of it. It's really a pain in my butt.

  7. Good grief! I thought scotts are meant to be techno-gizmo-gadgetty!?!

    1. they are!! right up to the moment they get 'that look' in their eye and throw the object at a velocity that most pro baseball pitchers would envy.

    2. I used to be, but then technology got smarter than me.

  8. Technology is a trip, especially since we weren't born with it. I also remember thinking I lost all my apps until I figured out there was more than one screen of them. I can laugh now but it wasn't very funny at all at the time. I try something and if it doesn't work, my first reaction is TOTAL PANIC. Right now I am thinking about getting the iPhone 6. I have the first iPhone 4 which I dropped in a bowl of soup once while playing Words With Friends at lunch. Glad I had the insurance. Thank goodness you have kids around to tell you everything you are doing wrong. And fix it. LOL

    1. I would have been sick to my stomach if I would have dropped my phone in a bowl of soup.

      Yeah, those kids are nothing but helpful. NOT! :)

  9. I'm just going to say..."I hate when that happens!" Lol

  10. Very Funny - r we all good now? Updates gets me nervous too - now I have to sort somehow fix our gadgets debacle with my I pad, James' phone (yes not my idea), and Amelia's I pod touch - face-time isn't working right and messaging is all over the place, I almost want to abandon the whole thing - last I don't have enough storage space to update - thanks for the laugh!

    1. We are not all good, but we're getting by. Still some glitches getting on my nerves.
      Oh, the messaging is one of our problems!! Ever since updating, the messages of my kids and friends are popping up on all my devices.
      Oh no! Do you have too many photos or apps?

  11. ... I feel you pain. 'Suffer the little electronic devises unto...' nah! I have such a love/hate/fear relationship with my digital enablers.

    hey! you should buy a new phone! (lol... no, just kidding)

    1. Ha! I was almost to the point of chucking it and starting over with a new one. :)

  12. Oh my! I would stay on top of those updates if I was you from now'll be able to catch up on your sleep ')!!

  13. I confess....I am right there with you!!! I have refused to update R's iPad since we got it because everybody said how awful the "new" IOS version (probably 10 versions back) was. Everything that I use works so until something doesn't.....stay the course I say. ;) I'm sure I'll be in your position soon. Can I borrow this post and just change the names??? :D

    1. Why fix something that isn't broken?!? Are all of these updates really necessary? I say NO!
      And yes, you may. :)

  14. i avoid the updates by avoiding the apps... oh well... its imperfect either way I suppose.

    1. That's the funniest part! I only have two apps. Instagram and the dictionary.

  15. HAHA I'm so the opposite. My step daughter's phone used to be on my account. When it no longer was, I actually kept her line open for $10/month so I could update my hardware (that would be the A-C-T-U-A-L phone, fyi) before the 2-year agreement was up because I knew I wouldn't want to wait. Totally hilarious post tho. So there's that. I especially loved the missed Instagram moment of all of you huddled around the computer (and weird, I'm not that into instagram...maybe I need to be more).

    1. Good heavens. I do not understand this need you and Kenya have to get the updates.
      The Instagram moment was the only point in this whole bit where I actually laughed.
      Gotta find the right people to follow. Some are great photographers. Some are hilarious. Some you just can't help but like the people.

  16. You think you're a dinosaur when it comes to your phone? Well I definitely am - I've had my phone for seven years, it makes and receives calls and texts and that's it, that's all I want or need. And having just read through your post I'm glad I don't have anything more complicated! :)


Thank you for taking the time to tell me what you're thinking!