Wednesday, February 5, 2014

If I Ever Get My Bandaged Hands on Clem and Tina...

I simply wanted to have some clementines with our dinner.

Illness has been flying around our house, and I wanted to infuse everyone with a bit of extra Vitamin C.

As I used my left thumbnail ('cause I'm a lefty) to puncture the rind of the first clementine, I noticed the rind was quite thick just before a bit of pain shot through my thumb. By the time I finished peeling that one, itty bitty clementine, my thumb was in some serious pain.

Not to be deterred from our clementine side dish, I stubbornly switched hands to peel the second clementine.

As I awkwardly ('cause I'm a lefty) used my right thumbnail to puncture the rind of the clementine, I noticed this rind was thick, too, just before a bit of pain shot through my right thumb. By the time I finished peeling that one, itty bitty clementine, my right thumb was in some serious pain.

Having no more thumbs with which to work, I told COW he needed to peel the rest of the clementines for dinner while I danced around the kitchen whining, "This really, really hurts!!"  He took one look at me, rolled his eyes, and grabbed a knife.

As the seconds ticked by, my thumbs hurt more and more.  Upon further inspection, we concluded that I had sliced the skin underneath BOTH thumbnails on clementine rinds. When a wound gets acid in it, the wound burns. By "burns", I mean it makes a woman who has given birth to six kids (three of them without the help of even a Tylenol) mutter obscenities and cry like a baby. Clementine rinds must have acid in them.

The pain finally diminished sometime after dinner.

In the less than 24 hours since the slicing occurred, I've realized just how often I use my thumbs.  Each time I do, pain shoots through the underside of my nail.  It's getting hard to function properly.

1.  Cutting a piece of fruit doesn't look to pose a threat until I have to peel off that UPC sticker.

2.  Getting cold medicine out of those vacuum-sealed, tiny, super-sticky individual compartments is difficult when my thumbs are healthy.  It's near impossible with sliced thumbs.

3. I would prefer to make a salami and cheese sandwich without the salami and the cheese.  Separating the slices from the stack causes me to flinch.

4.  We have 17 dozen eggs in the fridge.  It makes me cringe to even think about cracking any more of them open.

5.  Pinching a splinter to pull it out of a child's hand isn't any fun.

6.  Wiping a kitchen counter down is no problem, until I come across some syrup or some other food cemented to the surface.  Unfortunately, nothing works as well as a fingernail to get that crud off.

7.  Wiping a little boy's nose with a Kleenex poses no risk, yet having to pick off that pesky dried-on booger can only be done well with the thumbnail.

8.  Being a snow day, I was glad to be in my button-free pajamas all day.  Too bad Cuckoo needed help buttoning his favorite pajama shirt.

9.  I haven't sent any texts today, as it gets tiresome to say, "ouch.  ouch.  ouch." every time I press a letter.

10.  Washing a little person's hair isn't nearly as fun as it could be.

Until these thumbs heal, I'm sure I'll be whining and finding new and awful ways my for my thumbs to be tortured.  I'll be sure to add them.  Lucky you.  :)

Now, remember those razor-sharp clementines which cut my thumbs?  As we ate dinner, each time a child put a slice of clementine in his mouth, his lips would pucker, his eyes would water, and he'd wail, "WOW!  These are sweet!"

"Honey, you want them to be sweet.  Do you mean sour?"

He'd reply, "Yes!  They're sour!" then refuse to eat another bite.

This morning I had a look at the 5 pound box of clementines I had purchased the other day.

They aren't clementines at all, but sour, sharp-edged impostors!!

Not cool Clem and Tina.  Not cool.


  1. I so hate cuts under the nails and when clementines are not sweet! The bag in my refrigerator is a new brand, but I lucked out and they are sweet. But, I think the window of time for buying good ones is closing fast!

    1. It is closing fast, unfortunately. I love to eat a couple of clementines every day!

  2. You never realise just how much you use your thumbs until you can't.

    I once got a very long large splinter down my left thumb nail, resulting in a trip to A & E, half the nail cut off and yards of bandage. Even though I'm right handed I still found most things difficult, especially peeling potatoes; was I glad when the thumb healed and the bandage came off. Hope it's not long before yours are ok again.

    1. EW! OW! EW! OW!! That had to be painful!
      My thumbs are back to normal now, thanks.

  3. Ouch! I've done that before, but only to one thumb at a time. Wishing you quick healing!

    1. You've done it with an orange peel? I really hope you have, as I won't feel like such a doofus. Of course, you learned and only did it to one instead of two, but still...

  4. OK so this might sound a little crazy but that's never stopped me before. Have you tried putting a little bit of crazy glue (or the generic...I use the generic) underneath your nail to seal the wound and help protect it? It is just like the glue they use in the ER...and REALLY helps. The skin on my thumbs cracks open every winter and the only thing I can do is put superglue on seals the cracks and allows me to use my thumbs again.

    Might be worth a try...good luck!

    1. I will keep this in mind for future mishaps. There will always be a future mishap. Thanks!

  5. I've done that before - you're right about how often you need your thumbs but don't realize it. It's awful! Hope they heal quickly!

    Meanwhile, Mrs. Always Random's tip is a great idea - that would totally work.

  6. Ohhhhh OW OW OW OW OW! Yeah do what Mrs AR says! That'll work. YOWCH

    And turn the rest of those durn fruits into marmalade. In a food processor so you don't have to touch them.

  7. OWWWWWWWWCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I almost couldn't read this. I cringe at the thought of some things and cuts under the nails is one of them. Next time just warn your family by yelling "I'LL BE WHINING!!!" before doing anything. ;P

  8. Juice them :-) The cuts sound so painful, I hope it heals quickly!

  9. OUCH!
    And I'd be irritated to have bought cleverly disguised imposters, too.

  10. I find the pinky finger to be especially adapt at the booger picking. FYI.

  11. you need the citris peeler made by Tupperware. best little tool ever! just google it. I have two. It's a simple stick, fairly cheap. I'd send you a link, but I can't figure out how to open a new window on this crazy tablet.

  12. GOOGLE TUPPERWARE CITRIS PEELER. Ebay has some for 1.50.


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