This week's FTSF this week is
I did something really stupid once, I ...
How perfect. I just happened to do something really stupid this week and wrote about it already. So, my sentence will read:
I did something really stupid once, I played volleyball like I was still 20 years old and 6 ft. tall.
(As I proofread this, I realized that I did something stupid in my sentence about doing something stupid. Despite what the sentence says, I have never been 6ft. tall. My entire adult life, I have been a tiny bit shorter than 5'7". It should read "like I was 6ft. tall and still 20 years old.)
It was the championship volleyball game. My team of six was playing against a team of two ridiculously good (but very kind, generous) players and the other four people on their team. This couple has won the championship game for the last 7 years or so, all with completely different teammates.
They are that good.
We were tied 12-12.
The ball was hit high in the air and was coming straight down on top of the net. I was up against a 6'2" giant, but the adrenaline was pumping. I challenged him, and jumped as high as I could. I have no idea where the ball ended up, seeing as how I landed crookedly and my ankle went right out from under me.
The game was over for me.
And yes, I hurt myself the exact same way that Hubby did when he broke his foot. Except he wasn't playing in an important championship game. My injury is legitimate.
I haven't been to the doctor. I didn't get home until after 11:00 (midnight, really, taking the time change into account) and it didn't hurt too badly.
It does now.
A first-time serving at mass situation (Giant) and leading waves of 2nd graders through the steps of making clothes pin crucifixes (the oldest two, and a very unhappy Hubby in my spot) have prevented me from going yet. Maybe after the little kids are in bed.
Sitting here on the couch, icing my foot and watching terrible TV, I've had plenty of time to reflect on the situation. I've learned a few things.
1. Someone has put a voodoo hex on my family. In our entire lives, not one person has ever broken anything. In 2013, we've broken:
Me: looking more and more like my foot
If you happen to see some dolls that look eerily like my family, would you please be so kind as to remove the needles?
2. When you injure yourself, even if you are in agony from the pain, designate your caregivers. At this tournament, there were approximately 40 people. I knew every one of them except four. More than half of the 20 were friends I've known for years. They were all so helpful, getting ice for my foot, getting ice for my head and neck when I came thiiiiis close to passing out, (not from the pain, as I am not a wimp, but from the adrenaline that suddenly had nowhere to go) and gathering my belongings. They made one error, though. They left the seat next to my foot wide open.
The one intoxicated person in the room, with whom I have never spoken in my life but know in passing, sat in that seat. He touched my ankle. He diagnosed the problem. He gave me tips on recovery. He talked non-stop.
The man is a builder. He has zero medical experience. However, since no one knew him well, they didn't know that. They let him talk and talk and talk.
3. Even if it's winter and has been snowing for endless days, shave your legs before engaging in any physical activity. On a whim, I actually shaved my legs yesterday morning for the first time in a while. The entire time I was sitting on that bench, with what seemed like an endless stream of people touching and/or looking at my ankle/leg, I was beyond grateful for my inner hygiene voice that spoke to me so loudly and clearly that morning.
4. If you are laid up on the couch, and your husband and two oldest children aren't home, think twice before telling the next two oldest children that they can go on a bike ride.
Cuckoo came to me with his pants down and a purple sludge on his finger. I hesitantly asked what it was, and he said he got it on the toilet.
I walked/hopped/screamed/followed him to the bathroom to find purple poop smeared all over the toilet, his fingers, and his rear end.
That's when I remembered the jokes we made yesterday when the kids were eating the bright blue, yellow, teal, and red cake Buttercup had made with her friends. We actually discussed the color they would poop today.
Let's just say that it ain't easy to clean a purple poop mess when balancing on one foot.
His bum is still stained purple.
And it will stay that way until Hubby gets home.
I'm sure that will cheer him up after his afternoon of crafting with 8 year olds.
I'll keep you updated.
On my foot.
Not the poop.
We've discussed that too much already.
Now click on that linky button and go enjoy some more stupidity.
Have a lovely day!
Oh dear - hope you get help soon and that the foot get's mended quickly. Thank goodness it's not Mother's Day for you, as it is here in the UK: that would not be a good idea, as you'd then remember it for the wrong reasons. Keep us posted as to how you get on.ReplyDelete
Happy Mother's Day to you! The foot feels better today. Still hopping and not walking, but it's not terrible pain the whole day.Delete
Thanks for the good thoughts.
I shouldn't laugh because I really do feel bad about your foot and I hope it's not broken, but the purple poop? Oh GAWD that is HUL-arious!!!! Great post!ReplyDelete
Go ahead and laugh. I was laughing, too, mostly to keep myself from falling in a heap of self-pity.Delete
I can't work out what's funnier - you thanking the inner womanly voice for having shaved your legs before all and sundry needed to inspect, or the purple bum!ReplyDelete
What a shame he smeared it around though. When I did a blue poo and showed everyone (this was after a Spiderman cake topper one childhood birthday) I did no smearing whatsoever...I shall let my Mum know that even though I showed her, I could have been worse - I could have been your kid ;)
A darn shame, to say the least. He was trying to be helpful, wiping himself and all. Helpful ain't all it's cracked up to be.Delete
Did you show everyone because you were scared or did you think it was cool?
I was SO proud ;) I think the words "Look, look, I've done a blue poo" may have escaped my little mouth, several times, at top volume.Delete
You have just confirmed my reason for shaving my legs every day (okay, ALMOST every day) summer or winter. I KNEW it was a good idea!ReplyDelete
When one of my preschoolers brings birthday cupcakes with bright blue frosting on it, I always tell the kids their poop will be green afterwards, and they love to report that I was right. Since they aren't MY kids, and I only see them three mornings a week, it makes me very tempted to make a cake like Buttercup's for a class cooking project. If one were to make a cake like that, hypothetically speaking, of course, where would one find such vivid food coloring? I'm asking for a friend....
Will be waiting to hear what the doctor says about your foot. Warm, fuzzy thoughts heading your way.
It is a very good idea. Too bad I won't be taking that advice until the foot feels better. Just showering this morning about killed me.Delete
To make bright colors, use gel food coloring, not liquid. Hobby Lobby and Michaels have them. A little bit goes a looong way, but Buttercup and friends thought a lot would be better.
Thank you for the fuzzy thoughts.
Nothing good ever comes from playing volleyball. I'm pretty sure that's a life rule or something.ReplyDelete
The purple poop made me laugh though :D
Have you been talking to my husband? He agrees with you 100%.Delete
Glad you got a laugh. I did, too, once I got past the shock of it all.
Such a funny post! If it makes you feel better, I broke my ankle about 2 years ago. It was 10pm and I didn't want to go to the doctor. Turns out, it was better that I didn't as it sort of started setting correctly overnight. Boo to your totally legitimate injury though. And purple poop.ReplyDelete
Thank you. It is feeling a little less torturous today, so I probably won't be going to the doctor after all.Delete
Boo to the poop, for sure!
Ohhh the purple poo!!! Excellent also a lovely shade would be blue poo.ReplyDelete
and I love when the inner womanly voice gives hygiene tips! Always follow them!
okay if you do get a cast I want to sign it, and for a laugh you should get a PRUPLE CAST that would be the icing on the cake.
bwahahah I did not even realize the story play on words until I wrote it. Oh please oh please get a purple cast if you do!
p.s. the beach state is a lovely place to recover from a broken foot, have the hubby send you down here!
I will never doubt the inner voice again.Delete
Hahahahaha! You crack me up. I doubt a cast is in the cards, but I would get a purple one just for you.
Oh, I would be on a plane in a hot second if it weren't for these needy children. Someday, my friend. Some wonderful day.
what is the news on your foot? or is that the next blog post? please please please tell me purple cast!!!Delete
I listened to that inner voice this week, and was thankful when I went for a pedi with one of the yard sale girls, she was quite furry while I was smooth, and I got the longer leg massage... Hummm guess she'll learn.
I certainly hope so! Didn't she know ahead of time that she would be getting a pedi?Delete
This is eerily familiar. My husband was the first one to break a bone in our family... playing for the "championship of the world" 7 years ago. He tried to walk on it for days (because he had no idea what a break felt like) and looked like sweaty death. Turned out to be a clean break. :) Get thee to a doctor! Prayers coming!ReplyDelete
Playing for the championship of the world was totally worth it, I'm sure.Delete
Thanks for the prayers!
Girl, you crack me up! So sorry about the ankle AND the purple poop. It can only get better, right? (At least that's what your husband is probably saying!!) Hope the ankle heals quickly!ReplyDelete
The ankle really was my own fault. I'm not 20 years old anymore. Should probably start acting like it.Delete
As for the poop, I will take your pity. Thank you. :)
Oh, no! I hope you heal quickly.ReplyDelete
Your experiences sure resulted in a great blog post title, though.
I did enjoy the title. Rhyming, alliteration, and interesting topic in one compact title.
"Inner hygiene voice..." HA! What's up with the injury hex? That's awful. So, I am NEARLY 6 feet tall, for real, and I loathe volleyball. And basketball. I suck at sports. I even panic when well-meaning friends ask me to play a little sand volleyball at a BBQ. No. Way. Loved this post, and thanks for linking it up with us! (Also loved your "typo" clarification!) And finally, so excited you're going to do a HerStories essay for us! Hooray!ReplyDelete
I'm guessing in high school coaches were very disappointed to see you walk down the halls, knowing you weren't trying out for their teams.Delete
I swear I don't have any voodoo dolls and don't know anything about curses either, lol!! No seriously, I am so sorry for your foot and hope you are on the mend now. And the poop god I could truly picture that one, because god knows my kids have had some crazy poop tales in their short little lives already. Thanks as always for linking up with us!! :)ReplyDelete
I am on the mend. Today, I actually put pressure on it when I showered without buckling from the pain.Delete
I have never had this many poop stories with the older ones AFTER they were potty trained. It's getting beyond ridiculous.
Ummm, not to be a downer, but if you're not absolutely sure it's not a break, I strongly suggest you get it checked out just in case! I'm thinking back to my first knee surgery when I was 16 - my hospital roommate was in a motorcycle accident with her boyfriend and had been treated for various injuries. Later in the week, they realized she had also broken her foot, but because they missed it at first and it had already started to heal, they actually had to re-break it to get it set correctly! OUCH :(ReplyDelete
Oh my gosh. That is awful! And to have all of this going on so recently. I hope it's not broken. I sprained my ankle so badly in college that I was on crutches for a couple weeks. I was a tennis instructor too, so that kind of sucked for my summer job. I was limping all over the tennis court. It took a few months until I was fully back to normal because I kept walking or running on it. I remember one day I didn't take my crutches to work (this was to a job before the tennis instructor job started for the summer) and I had to take a bus and transfer to the subway and walk a few blocks. I, literally, crawled up my front walk, I was in so much pain.ReplyDelete
Oh my goodness! All this year already! I will try to find someone to undo your voodoo! Thanks for linking up with #FTSF this week!!ReplyDelete
OMG - this should have been part one of two. I gotta see what happened next. That must have been some serious dye in the cake for purple poop! TALUReplyDelete
She used a ton of real cake decorating gel dye, not that wimpy stuff you get in the spice aisle.Delete
In the end, I had a horrible sprain. And the boy had purple poo for 3 days. I didn't check the poo of any of the other kids. We never spoke of it. :)
I remember this purple poop post - so awesome. Coming back to give it another cheers! from TALU. I hope your ankle ended up not being broken!!ReplyDelete
Thank you! Not broken, but very badly sprained. I was in a boot for about three weeks. The swelling still hasn't gone away completely.Delete
If it looks like poo and it smells like poo and it feels like poo, it probably IS poo. Even if it's purple.ReplyDelete
Awesome post, Coop.
As per usual.
Thanks for linking this up with the TALU!