Friday, September 21, 2012

Dreams. The Sleeping Kind.

When I finally go to bed at night, I fully expect to have a nice, peaceful rest before the alarm (or Buttercup doing her hair) jars me out of my slumber.  Unfortunately, that's not how it went last night.

First, Phoenix irritated the tar out of me.  We were trying to get to a doctor's appointment, and he was adamant that we had to bring a mess of sports equipment with us.  Time was getting short, 12 minutes until the appointment time, and he's running out to the car with a tennis racket to put in the trunk.  He's crying, I'm hollering while starting to drive off and leave him.  With 8 minutes before the appointment, and us being a 25 minute drive away, I lost my cool.  He's hysterical, chasing after the car with a soccer ball and a kickball, I'm hollering that I am completely done waiting for him.  It was ridiculous.

The altercation between Phoenix and me was interrupted by Hubby.  He was a bit frisky, but before anything could happen, plans got derailed by Buttercup, who was sitting in the hallway just outside our door, drawing pictures of monsters.

Even in my sleep I can't get any peace.  (None of the above actually happened.  All dreams.  No doctor appointment, no friskiness.  All dreams.  Just felt the need to clarify that.)

I have always been fascinated by dreams.  I've had vivid ones my entire life, and Hubby has had his share to make me even more intrigued.

There are the dreams that scare the pee out of you, where you or someone you love dies.  I once woke myself up screaming my step-mother's name.  I had been dreaming that I was having a snack in my bedroom in the basement.  I started choking, and was desperately trying to call for help.  In my dream my step-mom was the only person at home, and I was trying with all my might to scream her name.  In my dream, I couldn't make a sound, but in reality, I was screaming my head off and woke myself up.  I'm just glad that I really did have a bedroom in the basement.  My step-mom and I never had a warm and fuzzy relationship.  It would have been beyond awkward for both of us if she had actually heard me. 

I once dreamt that Hubby (before he was my Hubby) was sick and that his stomach exploded.  Really.  Went KABOOM and splatted all over.  As you would imagine, the explosion killed him.  First thing in the morning I was on the phone, making sure that he in fact was still alive and didn't have a stomach ache.

Then there are the dreams that make you so completely angry, you just can't shake it.  I have had several dreams in which I cought Hubby cheating on me.  Blatantly.  Like sitting in a throne (I know, a throne?), bosomy, bikini-clad ladies draped all over him, completely unfazed by the fact that I'm screaming my head off at him about what a jerk he is.  I woke up furious with him for how he treated me.  The first time it happened, the poor guy had no idea how to handle it.  He tried to use logic, which of course is never going to work when we're talking about infidelity.  Over time he's learned.  The last time this happened, he simply hugged me and said, "I'm so sorry that in your dream I was such a lout.  I'll try to never do it again."  Is it a coincidence that I've only had these dreams when I was pregnant?

Hubby has dreams, but he can't just keep them to himself.  Early in our marriage, he would wake me up just to tell me a joke.  For instance, he once shook me awake to ask, "Why is the M&M lady at the end of our bed?"  In my sleepy stupor, I was searching around, trying to figure out what he was seeing.  After a minute or so, he said, "I'm just kidding.  There's no M&M lady," and rolled over to go back to sleep.  In the morning, when I let him know that I don't appreciate such nonsense, he was completely baffled.  He had no recollection of it. 

Then there are the scary dreams, the nightmares, that have some sort of monster chasing after you.  I have had a few where I was being attacked by a pack of dogs.  I only came out of it when Hubby woke me up.  Apparently, I had put up a good fight in my dream, as Hubby was awoken by my kicks and punches.

I have never studied my dreams, let alone thought about what they mean.  I just find them interesting.  But while thinking about them this morning, I decided to Google "dream interpretations".  Wow.  There are a lot of people wanting to know what their dreams mean.  And the types of dreams?  I no longer think mine are all that odd.

For instance, go to  There is a wealth of "information" out there.  There are dream symbols, and a whole section on body parts.  I went there to see what "stomach exploding" might mean, and got completely distracted by the other body parts listed.

I am so glad I am not the person who dreamt about her anus.  How exactly does one dream about her anus?  Dreaming about your anus "signifies negative emotions a person may be holding in and repressing."  Duh.

Or an armpit dream.  It "may refer to something or some place that is smelly".  Perhaps your husband is facing you, breathing his smelly, sleepy breath all over you?

If you dream about tearing out someone's entrails, get some help.  It signifies your own cruel intents to further your own interest and gains.  Cruel, selfish bugger you are.

If you dream that you "have a unibrow" you may be keeping too much of your emotions inside.  You may be trying to hide something.  Like the fact that you can't afford tweezers?

If you are a woman who dreams about her own hairy legs, then it suggests that you are too domineering.  You may be overly controlling in a relationship. If you are trying to cover up your hairy legs, it points to your passive aggressive nature.  It in no way signifies that you have just been celebrating the fact that the temperature has cooled enough to let your lazy side take over and have simply chosen to let the shaving slide for a few days.  Maybe a week.  Maybe two.

To dream of your liver means you need to evaluate your alcohol consumption.  That or you are being belittled by someone.  Perhaps the bartender?

Apparently, people have dreams about squeezing pus out of their nipples. That one just sends shivers down my spine.  Those poor souls are having negative feelings about relationships.

I know a few people who are probably having dreams about bugs crawling out of their noses.  If you are, you need to learn when to get out of other people's business and respect their privacy.

My word. I could go on and on, but I don't have time.

If this information is correct, (and being on the internet, it must be, right?) I fully expect to have a dream where I have three legs and someone is ripping my head off, all while I desperately scratch my itchy right hand.  Although, I would much prefer a dream in which I gaze at my ring finger until my eyes roll back into my head so I can see my brain.

I just pray I don't dream about teeth.  Nothing good can come from dreaming about teeth.

Have a lovely day!


  1. Haha! Dreams were totally on my mind today too! I'm like your husband though I "wake up" and share wierd information while I'm barely awake. Last night I woke up to tell him "there are many ways to peel a cabbage, but no wrong way." I have no idea what that means.

    1. That is hilarious. Do you even eat cabbage? ever peeled a cabbage? Does cabbage even get peeled? Poor husband. I feel his lack of sleep.

  2. My husband does the exact same thing when he does something mean in my dream! He always makes sure to apologize, hug me, and reassure me that he would never do that. It only took me being in an off mood ALL day the first time it happened for him to catch on.


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