Nothing says, "Do well on those ISTEP tests today!" like a mommy meltdown.
You would think that with the health scare we are currently going through, I would become the kindest, gentlest mother on the planet. Just wanting to hug and cuddle and smile and chat with my kids. While that is what I want, that is not my reality.
I am touchy, on edge, less patient, and overwhelmed. My parenting logic has gone out the window. Let's give a little example.
One of my unnamed children has been sleeping in a sleeping bag for the last four nights. I had him strip the bed and throw the sheets in the wash on Friday. His sheets are washed and dried on the side of his bed. And yet he has been sleeping in a sleeping bag instead of simply putting the sheets on his bed. In my normal state, I would recognize that he wasn't home for even two minutes after school yesterday and didn't get to bed until 11:00 last night. (He went to the Pacer's playoff game with Hubby last night.) I normally would have chatted with him after school today, when he had hours and hours of free time to get the bed put back together.
In my current state, I told him before school that he needed to roll up that sleeping bag this morning. Basically, that his days of laziness were coming to an end that very minute. Sure, now I see that it was a huge mistake, but I didn't foresee the spiral into disrespect, overreactions, and temper tantrums that it would set off. I didn't handle it well when he just messily rolled it and went to throw it in the closet. We actually got into a war of wills about how to roll up a sleeping bag. At 6:20 in the morning. A mature pair we were not. I didn't handle it well when he dropped to the floor with a wail of self-pity. Nope, didn't handle it well at all. In hindsight, listing off all of the consequences he's going to get this afternoon probably wasn't the best tactic for calming him down and getting the situation resolved.
I hate hindsight. Foresight is really so much more helpful.
Lest you think I was picking on just this one child, I'll also confess that the words, "If I find your wet towel on your bedroom floor yet again this morning, I will hurt you with it." came out of my mouth at some point. I said it in a very sweet tone, and we all knew I wouldn't have done it, but I got the point across. The perpetrator scurried up those stairs to get the towel back on the hook in the bathroom.
The two other kids must have seen the writing on the wall. When I came downstairs, they were in a flurry of activity, collecting library books and cleaning up the toys that were left out the night before.
The kisses and wishes of, "Have a good day!" as the kids walked out the door just didn't have the affect it usually does.
I need to remember this when the ISTEP scores come back.
I just can't explain to the kids where all this is coming from. I am so overwhelmed with this limbo we are in until we find the source of Buttercup's heart problems. We did get her appointment scheduled with the cardiologist for Wednesday afternoon, but the logistics of where the other five kids will be at that time only adds to my overwhelmed feeling. All of this on top of the normal taking care of six kids, 20 chickens, 4 pigs, two dogs, a house, a garden, and a yard, and things like wet towels and unmade beds send me over the edge.
This morning was my little wake up call to get myself together. To quit hiding the fact that I'm scared and just hug my babies. Look at Scripture instead of the clutter. Pray the worry away.
And apologize for my mistakes this morning.
Once again, forgiveness is a beautiful gift.
Have a lovely day.