7 Quick Takes - We Are not Good Role Models

Some Quick Takes.  Seems this week was full of incidents to make us look like bad role models in the realm of parenting.  Take heed.

*************** 1 ***********

 

So, I'm beginning to think this rural, fake farmer lifestyle we have adopted may be scarring the children.  Even if it isn't, it most certainly is training them to be the scary outcasts when they get older. 

Most days at pick-up, the little boys and I get out of the van and visit the two giant dogs, Diesel and Izzy, who live in the yard next to the school.  For the past couple of weeks, we have not seen even a glimpse of the "smaller" dog.  Today, Turken began wondering where she had gone.  The only solution he could come up with...completely seriously...really, he was deadpan...

"Maybe Diesel ate Izzy."

Yes, our dogs have proven themselves to be killing machines in the way they dispose of every creature which enters our yard.  For the record, Roy the Wonderdog is NOT cannibalistic.

Gotta say, I'm a wee bit nervous that this will be his yearbook picture someday.

Why, yes, this is Turken's face on Pugsley Addam's body.  A big THANK YOU to Anna at My Life and Kids for the tutorial.  I will get better at it with practice.  And the fun I will have...

*************** 2 *************

In my blogger dashboard, there is a section where I can see the stats of how people found my blog.  Sometimes the search words are odd, sometimes they are spot on.

One stat that doesn't surprise me, based on the fact that most of my readers first started following me because of this one post, is the number of people who find me by searching "pig waterer".   Every single week since I wrote about the day our pig drowned itself, at least a few people have gotten here with that search.

Lately, a lot of people have been finding my blog by searching "miley cyrus chicken butt".   I wrote a post to my boys in response to things I'd seen written about Miss Cyrus, and you know I've written plenty about chickens.  I don't remember ever saying the word "butt", although I have alluded to it plenty of times. 

How, Google, do you put that all together to send these people to me? 

If they want to see "miley cyrus chicken butt", you should be sending them to Lizzi.  She's the one who actually posted miley and chicken butts in the same post!

**************** 3 **************

 

I know you've all been waiting anxiously for the update on Fort Knox: Chicken Pen Edition  A couple of nights ago, COW was out there making the pen super-duper impenetrable.  (Yes, he climbed on the roof of the coop and dropped into the pen, seeing how we didn't put a door in.  Doors are penetrable!) 

Really, all he did was put up the last of our netting, then crossed his fingers AND his toes.

The result...

 

This will keep them in, unless they manage to fit through those holes where the nets come together.  If they get through those, there is a chance they will hang themselves.

See how good and stretched to the limit those nets are?  What do you think will happen when we get our first snow storm and 8 inches of snow lands on them? 

When he was finished, he realized he was really stuck.  Poor COW.   He couldn't get out.  The net stretched so far, I couldn't even help him by giving him a ladder.  When he started talking about squeezing through the little chickens' door, I begged him to wait until I got my camera.  He refused, and just as he was about to duck his head in, I saved his sorry rear.  (Ooh, I almost said "butt")  All he had to do was take the fence off a few nails and he could walk right out.  (I figured it out when I had to get a chicken back into the pen, which happens to be the day we discovered Fort Knox wasn't exactly Fort Knoxified.  (See how it all came around?))

****************** 4 *************

 

Each week, I write little notes for myself about what to include in my 7 quick takes.  This week I wrote the word "heat" since for the last few days Indianapolis has been having an identity crisis, thinking it was Africa.  Later, while driving, I thought of something quite clever and hilarious to write about the heat, but didn't write it down.  I have no idea what clever and hilarious thing I am supposed to tell you right now, but I promise, when I remember, at a time and place where I can write it down, (always dicey, as I usually remember things while in the shower or driving) I will let you all in on it.

 

************ 5 ***********

You know how when you were a kid you took that annual, state-wide, standardized test?  (Ours was the IOWA test of basic skills.  (I can remember the name of a test I took 30 years ago, yet I can't remember what clever things I had to write about "heat".  Of course.)  Each year, your parents would get an envelope with the results.  That's not how they do things anymore.  It's all computerized.  The parents are given a sheet and a password to look the scores up.

Well, when we got our paper at the end of the last school year, the site hadn't updated yet, so I couldn't see their scores.  I promptly threw away the paper and forgot all about it.  My kids do well in school, so I wasn't really worried.

Yesterday, the middle school English teacher pulled Buttercup to the side and told her that on last year's test, Buttercup scored the highest score she has ever seen.  This woman has been teaching for about 25 years.

Later, the principal pulled Buttercup out of line when her class walked by the office.

Principal:  "Did you and your parents look at your scores from the ISTEP test last year?"

Buttercup:  No.  I don't think they even have the password.

P:  Well, you scored a perfect score on the Language Arts portion.  It is a rare day that we see that happen in any grade, let alone 7th.

B: 

P:  If your parents can't find the paper, have your mom email me.  I'll give her the password.

B:  OK.

Guess who is going to have to email the principal. 

I'm thinking something along these lines...

Dear Mrs. Principal,
I am the slacker parent who didn't look up her daughter's score on the ISTEP.  Seems we should have.  Will you please send us the password so we can see it?  And perhaps send the ones for our other kids, too?  That would be great.
No, Buttercup wasn't adopted.
Have a lovely day,
Christine

**************** 6 **************

It rained.

Cuckoo and I played in it.

In our pajamas.

So did some of the chickens.  They were cool cucumbers when it was simply sprinkling, but when it really started to pour, they lost their minds.  I realized that the author of "Chicken Little" did not do the hilarity of chickens who think the sky is falling justice.

Sorry, I only had my big camera and not my phone.  No video.

****************** 7 **************

Lastly, a cautionary tale.

Each year for Christmas, we get Giant some sort of calendar or book which has a new fact or joke each day.  Last year, my mom got it for him instead.   We didn't think anything of it.  Until this week.

I found a page torn out of it for August 15 on my dresser.  (I'm guessing it was there on the morning of August 16, but I just noticed it this week.)  Turns out, she had gotten him a Whoogles calendar of funny internet searches.  (red flag #1)  He had left that particular day for me to read because it was a search for "why does my mom fart so much".  Haha.  Funny. 

But then I read the commentary underneath.  There were a few inappropriate words in the description.  (red flag #2)

I immediately went to Giant's room to have a closer look at his calendar.  The search for that day (his birthday, no less) was "I want to have a baby in..." and the description read, "Want to know the real reason she's no longer interested in sex?"

His birthday was September 11.  It took us NINE MONTHS to figure out he had a calendar never meant for children.  Fortunately, he always keeps the days he ripped off, so I grabbed the lot of them and will be going through to see what kinds of talks he and I will have to have.

I'm just praying he didn't take any that he thought were extra funny to school. 

Dear Mrs. Principal,
I am so sorry about the "joke" Giant brought to school and showed around the classroom.  No, talk about vasectomies is not appropriate for 6th graders to be discussing.  See, though, it wasn't our fault.  His grandma gave him the calendar.  Know that she got an earful, but you are welcome to call her at 555-5555 to give her a list of better gift choices.  Really, we would greatly appreciate it.  She's terrible at giving gifts. 
Yes, I am her biological child.
Have a lovely day,
Christine

Moral of the story:  Confiscate any and all gifts given by a relative until you have thoroughly inspected them. 

Just like Halloween, when you inspect for razors or other dangerous materials in the candy. 

OK, we don't do that either.

Like I said, don't follow our example.  On anything.

Have a lovely day!

Five Favorite Redneck Items

There is this thing called "Five Favorites" each week that I see some people participating in and thought I'd try it out this week.

My first thought was to list my five favorite kids.  Yes, I have six, but one just isn't making the cut this week.

That's probably too mean.

Plan B:

COW decided he wanted a sausage stuffer for his upcoming birthday.  (We'll just skip over all the jokes on that one.)  He received it in the mail yesterday, and in the box came some catalogues from companies who cater to people who purchase sausage stuffers.  Sitting next to me on the couch last night, he was flipping through them.

It seems when he chose to buy a sausage stuffer, he put himself into one crazy group.  I give you...

My Five Favorite Things from the Sausage Stuffer Catalogues

  

 

1.  1 million volt stun gun/flashlight combo

 



Gives the game "Flashlight Tag" a whole new dimension.

2.  1 million volt stun gun/flashlight/walking cane

Just what every grumpy old bachelor uncle needs to whip his unruly, loud nephews into shape.

3.  Solar powered fan/light.

No joke.  I really want one of these.  If we have a major power outage, I want to be cool.  Now, I'm just assuming the solar panel charges a battery of some sort.  If not, that light would be mighty useless, seeing as how you would need it at night, when there's no sun to fire up the solar panel.

4.  Camo underwear

Tighty-whities are for wimps.  And if you are the type of guy who sleeps in his underwear, it's pretty important when you are on your hunting trips to stay hidden when you are "making water" first thing in the morning.

5.  3D synthetic ghillie suit

I could have so much fun with this thing.  Unfortunately, I can never buy it.  Remember, I have a neighbor who is deathly afraid of Bigfoot coming to get him.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, this is the sausage stuffer COW bought.



 


Seems we're going to be eating a lot of sausage links once these pigs go to the butcher (next week!!).

Grace is the guest host for Five Favorites this week.  Head over to read some more or link up your own!



Have a great day!



Pain I Didn't Know Existed Until I Was Put in Charge of Children

Children are little whirlwinds of torture.

They inflict more pain on their caregivers than Al Capone inflicted on "clients" who owed him money.

OK, that might be an exaggeration, but not a big one.  Kids, by just being kids, hurt adults who do nothing but love and adore them.

I've been injured several times in the last couple of days, and it got me thinking.  There are LOTS of ways kids have hurt me over the years.  (I have been taking care of kids since I was a kid myself.)  Some are just downright astounding.

Things Kids Do to Their Adult Caregivers Which Cause Tremendous Physical Pain

aka the kids I have worked with have done these things to me.

1.  Stomp on the adult's bare toes
2.  Jab his tiny fingernail under the fingernail of the adult who thought she was simply going on a lovely walk while holding hands.
3.  When climbing on chair to get a better look over the adult's shoulder, the child braces herself on the chair, thus pinching and pulling the tiny little hairs at the nape of the adult's neck.
4.  While sitting on adult's lap, fling head back to make direct, excruciating contact with the adult's nose.
5.  Or teeth.
6.  Bite the adult when she tries to dislodge a foreign object from the child's teeth/mouth.
7.  When the adult is lying on his back on the couch, watching TV or taking a nap, the child flings himself onto the adult's stomach in an attempt to nap together.
8.  Or fling himself onto the adult's nether regions.
9.  Jump up for a piggy back ride when the adult is walking from the dining room to the kitchen with an armload of dishes.
10.  Hugging, with incredible strength, the head of an adult.
11.  While hugging the adult's head, leaning in for more emphasis of love, and forcing the adult's head into an abnormal position.
12.  When first learning to name body parts, pokes adult square in the eye while saying "nose".
13.  After learning the song "Wheels on the Bus", honking the horn on the bus goes by punching the adult's nose like someone is cutting the bus off.
14. Child decides he wants to play catch, goes to the adult with whom he wants to play, and simply throws the ball at the adult's face from two feet away.
15.  While at the pool, giving the adult 0.5 seconds notice that he wants the adult to catch him before throwing himself at the adult.
16.  While riding his bike, forgetting how to stop or steer, and simply running into the adult's shins.
17.  While the adult is standing at the kitchen counter, the child reaches up to grab something out of her line of vision, then, when the object gets to the edge of the counter, drops it on her toe.
18.  Punching the adult after the adult jumps out and startles the child.
19.  Driving his big, metal dump truck over the adult's foot, especially when the adult is wearing flip-flops.
20.  While holding hands and walking with the adult, abruptly stopping to scratch an itch on his leg, thus practically pulling the adult's arm out of socket.
21.  When sitting on the adult's lap with a picture book, holding the book up to show the adult one of the illustrations, and shoving the corner of the book directly into her nostril.
22.  While helping the adult stir pancake batter, pulling the spoon out of the batter and hitting the adult in the forehead.
23.  When trying to make the adult's hair pretty, yanking a comb across the adult's scalp.
24.  When adult is on the floor, trying to do some planks, the child attempts to jump over the adult's legs and doesn't quite clear them.
25.  When going in the house, the child beats the adult inside, then slams the door just as the adult crosses the threshold.
26.  When cuddling in bed on an early Saturday morning, the child abruptly rolls over and rams his elbow into the adult's jaw.
27.  When attempting to give the child an unwanted medicine, the child, in an attempt to grab the medicine dropper out of the adult's hand, scratches the adult across the face.
28.  While playing a little game of soccer, the child misses the ball and kicks the adult's shin instead.
29.  While trying to avoid being buckled into a car seat, the child kicks the adult in the gut.
30.  While driving in the van, the child takes off a shoe and hurls it at the driver's head.
31.  When learning how to use scissors, cutting in an uncontrolled manner and slicing the adult who was trying to assist the child.
32.  While in the grocery store, child abruptly steps in front of the cart, causing the adult to abruptly stop and get a cart handle to the gut.
33.  While at the zoo, an older child pushing a younger child in a stroller fails to realize his mother is walking ahead and drives the stroller right into the adult's heel.
34.  When the child is being picked up, the child changes his mind and deadweights, causing the adult's back to bend in a fashion it wasn't made to bend.
35.  When the adult bends over to give the child a kiss, the child jumps and slams his head into the adult's mouth.
36.  After discovering the wonderful sound a play hammer makes, using the hammer on an unsuspecting adult's finger.
37.  Ripping a paper out of an adult's hand, causing the paper to slice across the adult's tender spot between the thumb and pointer finger.
38.  While sitting in church, playing with the adult's wedding ring while it is still on her finger, and jamming the point of the diamond into the adult's ring finger.
39.  While in church, playing with the adult's bracelet, catching a tiny arm hair in the bracket, and ripping the hair out when the child twists said bracelet.
40.  While riding in the stroller, the child unexpectedly drags his feet, causing the stroller to stop abruptly and jab the adult in the gut.
41.  While at church, flip the kneeler down in such a way that it lands directly on the adult's foot, usually on the adult wearing pretty open-toed shoes.
42.  When playing with a doctor's kit, using an unsuspecting adult as the patient, the child tests the adult's reflexes by hitting the adult square in the kneecaps.
43.  Or gives the adult a shot by forcefully shoving the play shot into the soft flesh of the adult's upper arm.
44.  When "playing" baseball, the child misses the first 25 pitches, but connects with the 26th and sends it directly at the adult's face
45.  Or nether regions.
46.  When sitting at the itty bitty preschool table in the itty bitty chairs, the child moves her chair in with a jump so it lands on the adult's foot, causing the adult to jump and bang her knee on that itty bitty table.
47.  When coming across an unfamiliar dog, the child hurls himself in a panic at the adult, then scrambles up said adult, using the adult's waistband as a foothold and the adult's hair as the ropes.
48.  Playing with a remote controlled car, with a complete lack of ability to control the car, sends it careening into the adult's foot/shin (depending on how big the car is).
49.  While the adult is shoveling snow, the child begins a snowball fight by hurling an ice/snow ball directly at the adult's downturned head.
50...

Perhaps, with an instruction book, children should come with protective gear, including steel-toed shoes, a helmet, and a facemask.

You fill in #50.  What has a child in your care done to hurt you?

Have a lovely day!

A Few Funnies FMonday,

because every blogger knows a title is better with a little alliteration.

*******************

You all remember the awesome fence we built for our dear chickens.

Sunday morning I went out to give them a fruity frozen treat I made a couple of months ago.  Rounding the corner, I found three chickens running around outside of the fence.

Did you catch that?

The chickens managed to get out of our redneck, impenetrable fence!!

Normally, I would just chalk this up as another pain in my rear to take care of, but this time I had a horrible thought.

I have always, always told you chickens aren't the brightest bulbs in the light factory.  Hands down, they are the dumbest animals on the planet. 

And yet, they have managed to outsmart us and our fence.

What, exactly, does that say about us?!?!?!

Nothing good, I'll tell you that much.

*******************

We do these thankful posts each weekend, and some people say they have difficulty writing them.   I realized this morning that I will never have this problem.  I walk by an outhouse every single morning on my way to the chickens.  Every single morning I say a little prayer.  "Thank you, God, for creating a man smart enough to invent indoor plumbing."

I talk big about paring down and going back to old ways.  Let's be clear.  I don't mean I want to go back that far.

I always have that list of modern conveniences in my back pocket in case I ever have a really, really bad week and am in need of some things of thankful.

**********************

You know those expressions posters hospitals and schools put up to help people describe their pain or emotions?

Well, seems Turken feels our family needs one to rate our anger.  He drew these yesterday...

Sorry about the odd shapes.  Our scanner isn't the best.



Super happy.  Notice the large eyes and big smile.



Smaller eyes, kind of a smirk. 

Little eyes, flat mouth.  Clearly not happy.

Itty bitty eyes, large, red mouth.  Full-on angry.

"But what are those things on the noses?" you ask.

Those would be nostrils.  Apparently, as you get angrier, your nostrils get bigger, until they are so big they hang all the way down to your lips.

******************

Lastly, remember that dog brush I couldn't find and even put a reward up for its return?  Yeah, I ended up having to buy a new one, as Roy had gotten into some burs.  I spent about 40 minutes brushing out enough hair to make wigs for a few hairless cats. (Kristi???)  Almost 48 hours later, to the minute, Buttercup came running into the house yelling, "Look what I found!!  It was on a shelf in the garage!!!"
Yup.  The old dog brush.
So, when I come to you all and ask where I put the dog brush, please, please remember this day.  Remember that I told you the dog's brush is on the shelf above Buttercup's cubby in the mud room.

You will be my best friend.  (Crossing my fingers it's you, Kris, and we get to stay BFFs.)

******************

Anything funny or "funny" happen at your house recently??

Have a lovely day!

Ten Things of Thankful, Week 14

People who live the most fulfilling lives are the ones who are always rejoicing at what they have.
-- Richard Carlson

1.  I am thankful for the half-day kindergarten option.  It's a rare thing for schools to offer these days, and I am grateful our school is one to have kept it.  Instead of having to sit at a desk or stand in line, Turken is out doing things like this:

2.  I am thankful for my Bible study group.  While it's been a while since we've actually discussed the Bible, I am so glad to be a part of this group.  For one, they have kids the same age as Cuckoo and Turken.  The little boys were starting to believe that 10-14 year olds were their appropriate playmates, so it's good to get them together with kids their own age.  For two, every Friday, while the kids play, I am guaranteed an entire afternoon of socializing with some friends.

3.  I am thankful for Phoenix.  The boy turned 15 this week.  I am so happy to see what a kind, compassionate, fun young man he is growing up to be.  (I can't tell you how painful it was just now to type "young man".  I prefer the term "my baby".)

4.  I am thankful for dollar stores.  Where else can you buy bags and bags of sponges for $4?  The day of our Labor Day party was the last in a long line of hot, humid days.  I wanted an activity which would keep the kids in attendance cool and out of the house.  Baby pool filled with water + bags and bags of sponges + 25 kids = fun water fight of epic proportions

5.  I am thankful for Buttercup.  Stores only sell scrubby sponges with the really rough, sandpaper-like edge these days.  We couldn't have the kids throw those at each other, so the scrubby part had to be cut off of each sponge.  Buttercup offered to take care of that job for me.  (And yes, I now have a big bag of scrubby pads under my kitchen sink which will last us until I am well into retirement age.)

6.  I am thankful for the absolutely perfect weather we've had for the past 5 days.  Sun, slight breeze, and cooler temperatures makes me a happy, happy camper.

7.  I am thankful for all of the visitors we've had to our house lately.   It started with COW's aunt last week, then COW's mom on Saturday/Sunday, our friends for the party on Sunday, and my mom, brother, and his family for the day on Monday.  I so enjoy having people over, but it happens so rarely.  It was nice to have such a full week.

8.  I am thankful for our kids' schools' service hour requirements.  Both the high school and middle school require the students to do service hours which count towards their grades.  While I have always had the kids do volunteer work with me, these required hours gets us out and doing more even when we don't feel like it.  This morning, I took 5 of the 6 kids to work at The Lord's Pantry. (Click the link.  You'll see what we do there.)

9.  I am thankful for the folks who run The Lord's Pantry and similar places.  They are very good at showing us volunteers how to best serve those in the community who need it most.  I know that every dime I give, every minute I give, will be used 100% in serving the basic needs of the poor of the Indianapolis community. 

10.  I am thankful for quiet mornings with Cuckoo.  The 5 oldest kids leave the house by 6:30 each morning, and we don't pick Turken up until 11:00.  Cuckoo and I have our little routine of cuddling, crying because he's hungry, eating breakfast, then feeding and watching the animals.  We especially enjoy sitting out by the chickens and watching their antics.  When they fight over a piece of tomato, we try to figure out what they are yelling at each other.  We especially like watching when a moth flies through.  A chicken trying to catch a moth is a funny sight indeed.

What about this week makes you rejoice?

Tell me in the comments or join the link!

Have a lovely day!

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A Fly on our (Chicken Coop) Wall, Considerings, Finding Ninee, I can say mama, I Want Backsies, Steps into Parenthood, Thankful Me, The Wakefield Doctrine

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Pigs, Puke, and Purposeless Post

The week started out swimmingly.  We had a great time with 15 church/school families whom we adore at our annual Labor Day party.   In years past, we've invited lots more than that, but for a variety of reasons, we cut the list this year.  It was a much nicer day for me, and I don't really care if it was for anyone else. 

Besides the bat visitor, there weren't any snafus.  So I thought.

The next morning, as I was getting ready to leave for the grocery store, Cuckoo, eating breakfast and looking out the window, nonchalantly stated, "There's a pig out."

A quick glance confirmed his observation.  A few inappropriate words told him what I thought about that observation.

Giant was the only one to answer my "ThepigsareoutIneedsomeheeeeeeelp!" call.  (COW was in the shower, one boy was still sleeping, and one got confused as to what was going on.)

I went outside, got Roy tied up, and headed to where I last saw the pig.  As soon as he saw me, he came running up towards me, with his two friends following.  Not exactly how I wanted this to go down.  I now had pigs all over the side yard, and not one single thing to help me corral them, except Giant.

I really just want to just say yada, yada, yada right here, and I find that very disconcerting.  It seems a story about a pig escape just isn't as interesting as it used to be.  When you've had to give them shots or drag a dead one out of a waterer, simply herding them back to their pen, with only the help of a 10 year old boy, doesn't seem so blog-worthy.

So, yada, yada, yada, 5 minutes of, "Here Piggy, Piggy...I have some food for you..." and "Hey, get back here!  I said COME HERE!!"  and a bit of pig wrestling to get one facing the right direction, and the pigs were back in their pen.  I was a sweaty, filthy mess, but at least COW was nice and clean and relaxed.

(FYI the pigs got out through the open gate.  Apparently, during the party, a ball went into the pig pen.  A party guest went to go through the gate, but one of my kids just hopped the fence to get it out.  The guest didn't know how to re-lock the gate properly (with both the chain AND the bungy cord (fake farmers, remember?  Lucky it's not a zip tie.), so it was left half done.  The pigs figured out the sloppy workmanship.)

Well, I guess with such bad storytelling, you deserve at least one illustration.

No animals were harmed during this scuffle.  They weren't "taken advantage of" either, regardless of what it looks like.

After the pig escape and the grocery run, my mom, my brother, and his family came to visit for the afternoon.  We had a great time, with plenty of chatting and laughter.  We also spent a couple of hours playing a "friendly" game of volleyball.

Being the best mom/aunt that I am, I made all of the kids feel better about their ball-handling.  At one point, the ball had been waywardly hit by one of my teammates, so I rushed out of bounds to hit it back into play.  Well, I got to it in time, but my hit was just a bit off.  Basically, it looked like this:

Don't be jealous of my mad drawing abilities.  Or my freakishly long, elbowless arms.

I simply, instinctively caught the ball.  And got a "rug burn" on the tip of my nose.

Everyone else got grass stains, seeing as how they were rolling all over the grass while uncontrollably laughing.

What else...

Oh.  Phoenix turned 15 on Tuesday with zero to no fanfare.  He had practice after school, and only one hour between getting home and leaving again for a Scout meeting.  At breakfast he had requested stuffed shells for his birthday dinner.  He didn't even get that.  Cuckoo started running a fever as we were about to go to the store to buy the ingredients and only wanted to lay on me.  I couldn't get to the store, and I couldn't make a nice dinner. 

I did take him to DQ after his meeting, where I was happy to see Blizzards are on sale, buy one get one for 99 cents.  A round of Birthday Blizzards it was.

Back to the vomit, if I may.  I learned something during this bout of stomach illness.  I am no longer a catcher of puke.  I don't know why, but I used to have the instinct to catch puke when it exited my child.  Like my brain thought by catching it, I was cutting down on the mess I would have to clean up.

Well, on Tuesday, as the fevered Cuckoo lay on me and making me sweat up a storm, he started puking.  Did I reach out to catch it?  Um, no.  I threw him off of me while simultaneously reaching for my phone (which was on the ground next to us) to get it out of the line of pukefire. 

I don't love him less than the older kids, I just care about my floor less than I used to.  (We'll just gloss over the fact that I love my phone more.)

The one time I put him down all day, he was asleep within seconds.

Before Cuckoo's fever started, we had our first morning back to teaching preschool.   I only work for 2 hours/week, which seems a bit ridiculous, but it is what it is.  My boss just can't seem to let me go.

It's going to be an interesting year, especially if one little girl doesn't get her settings turned off of "whine".  The sound of whining grates on me more than fingers on a chalkboard (yet another phrase the young people will not understand), and her particular kind of whine is the worst.  Even when she's telling me about a trip to Disney, she has the whine in her voice.  I'm going to have to work on getting my settings turned to "superhuman patience" before next Tuesday rolls around.

And lastly, we had a mandatory parent meeting at the high school last night.  (Mandatory, as in, if a parent doesn't come, your child doesn't go here next semester.)  It was a good meeting in that it confirmed my belief that I'm sending the kids to the right high school.  It was a horrible meeting, because did you know how many kids do drugs and drink alcohol as teens?  And some parents believe the theory, "Kids are going to do it anyway, so we might as well keep them safe while they do it."  I may never let my kids go anywhere except school and home. 

Well, I think that's about enough random for one day. 

Come back another day, when we will be discussing...

Who knows.  I'm flying by the seat of my pants, here.

You probably knew that by now, though.

Have a lovely day!

Creature or Wild? Yeah, We Got That.

Each week, Josie does a creative writing activity in which she gives her readers two prompts, and we can choose either one to inspire a post.  This week's words are creature or wild.  I'm going to choose both of them!

I have loved writing tests ever since I took a class on it in college.  It's one of the things I really miss about teaching.  My kids don't really appreciate written tests on healthy eating, so my test writing skills have gone unused for the better part of 15 years.   Until recently.  Clark has been putting together a "personality test" and has asked us readers to help him with some scenarios.  I have been all over it.  As I go through my days, I keep thinking, "Oh, that would be a good scenario for Clark!"  I haven't passed all of my great ideas along, mostly because I don't want to seem off my rocker, but they are in my head all the same.

This weekend, a few scenarios presented themselves.

Scenario A:

Long after the kids have gone to bed, it is discovered that a bat is flying around the room where 4 of the kids are sleeping (or almost sleeping).    If you are one of the kids in the room with the bat, which of the following describes your reaction?

(I am not even close to good enough to come up with official Doctrine "answers", but I have some of my own based on actual events.) 

1.  Run screaming from the room, hysterically crying that you may have possibly been bitten and need immediate medical attention.
2.  Calmly leave the room to find an adult to handle the situation.
3.  Stay under the covers, knowing someone else will do something to get rid of the bat.
4.  The next morning, when everyone is talking about it, realize you slept through the entire thing.

Scenario A, part 2

If you are one of the adults in the house, which of the following describes your reaction?

1.  Run screaming from the house, hysterically crying that you may have possibly been bitten and need immediate medical attention.
2.  Sigh, then retrieve the butterfly net which has, in previous bat scenarios, been repurposed as the batnet.  You may get the net, but you do not make any move to enter the room where the bat is flying.
3.  Look at the net-holder, roll eyes in derision, grab the net, go in the room, catch the bat, then release it out the front door.

I was very proud of my kids.  Not one of them panicked or screamed, even though all four big kids were in the room with a bat flying and swooping at a pretty good clip around the room.

(FYI, Phoenix is the one who stayed in bed, and Giant remained asleep until after it was over.  Buttercup and Star were the ones who left the room to get us.)

I was less proud of my husband and mother-in-law.  Our answers to the above scenario?

MIL:  1*
COW: 2

Guess which one described my reaction?

Scenario B:

At a large gathering with good friends from church/school, it is discovered that a bat which has taken up residence on a tree in the front yard (assumed to be the bat which was caught and released the night before).  What is your reaction?

1.  Run screaming from the yard, hysterically crying that you may have possibly been bitten and need immediate medical attention.
2.  Pretend the bat isn't there and set your chair up under the tree, because the space under that tree is the best on the property, and you aren't going to give it up.
3.  Go investigate the bat, having a closeish look.  You want to get a good look, but from a safe distance.  You aren't crazy.
4.  Get tired of having a bat hanging around, and right about when other bats are coming out from their normal slumber, grab the bat with your bare hands, carry it away, and release it into a nearby field.

Clinging on for dear life.

Yes, is was LOW on the tree trunk.

I have to say, I was very disappointed to not have a single person run screaming.  It would have been so funny to watch.

A couple of people just set up their chairs, but did give the bat furtive looks every so often.

Most people at the party had a bit of a look at it, then paid it no mind.

No, I did not grab the bat!  While a bat doesn't scare me, I am not about to go all Turtleman on it, thank you very much.  One guest did, though, and I was thiiiiis close to seeing some people run screaming.  Lots of jumping and people yelling, "Are you crazy?!?!?" but no screaming and running.

I have no idea what your answers say about you, but I'd love to hear what they are anyway!

We think we have found where the bats got in the house and have sealed it up.  Cross your fingers we won't have any more wild creatures visiting us again any time soon.

*May be a bit of an exaggeration.  She didn't exactly run screaming from the house, but she was panicked.  Jumping around, yelling at us to get it out of the house.  I think she slept with one eye open that night, if she slept at all.

Have a lovely day!