Thursday, August 29, 2013

After Miley, My Boys Need a Letter, Too

My Dear Boys,

I'm sure you've heard by now that a certain individual, we'll call her Ciley Myrus, was very inappropriate during a recent performance.   There has been all sorts of uproar about it, but every bit of it has been towards and about Ciley.  Moms are very worried about their daughters.  Specifically, how they don't want their daughters to grow up to be like her.

Sure, I don't want your sister to grow up and act like that, but I am more focused on something else entirely.  Ciley wasn't the only one up on that stage.  And Ciley didn't get to be this way on her own. 

Throughout your life, you will run into girls/women who act very much like Ciley, just not on a national stage.  You will see girls/women who don't see any value in themselves as people, but only as body parts.  These girls didn't get to be this way on their own.  For the most part, these girls are looking for attention, and dancing around in their underwear (for example) is the only way they know how to get it.

Men in their lives have helped convince them it is so. 

I don't want you to be part of the problem.  I don't want you to, in any way, encourage this behavior.  So, I have for you some expectations.  Read them.  Print them.  Post them around. Memorize them. 

-  If you come across videos, TV shows, print material, or movies that depict girls/women in any inappropriate way, I expect you to turn it off.  Walk away.  Don't watch it.  Don't share it.  Even better, run from the room screaming, "My eyes!  Make it stop!"

-  When you dance with a girl, make sure you are facing each other.  And leave some room for the Holy Spirit.  Keep in mind, He's a big spirit, needing lots of room.

-  Girls may offer to do things for you.  Don't take them up on their offers unless you're willing for those girls to do those things in front of your mother.

-  Keep your eyes on the girl's face.  Even if she is dressed in a way to seriously distract you.  Be strong.  Eyes up.

-  Be a gentleman.  Always.  Hold doors open.  Talk with her about her interests.  Ask her for her opinions.  While it probably won't ever come up, I wouldn't even mind if you threw your coat over a mud puddle in order to keep her pretty shoes clean.

-  Never, ever gossip, talk about anyone's reputation, or write about it on restroom walls.

-  If you see a girl in trouble, pull out your inner McFly and solve the problem.

-  Just say no.  To drinks.  To drugs.  Your brain doesn't work very well under the influence of these things.  If you take them, you will do something stupid.  And it will probably be recorded by somebody.  Don't do something stupid to ruin your own or a girl's reputation.  

-  Talk to your dad or me if you are in trouble.  If you need help.  If you have questions.  We've been around and know a few things.  You know we love to share our knowledge. 

-  Study good role models.  Pay attention to what respected, honorable men do, and follow their lead.  (Your dad would be a good place to start.)

I love you dearly, so I will be watching.  While I know that you are good, kind boys, I also know boys sometimes have trouble using their brains.  They sometimes have trouble going against peer pressure.  Know this.  If I ever see or catch you treating any girl/woman in a way that isn't respectful, severe consequences will rain down on your head.   Because I love you.

Be kind.  Be respectful.  Be the boy I know you are.  Be the boy God made you to be.

Love,

Mom


31 comments:

  1. Amen, Sister! Preach it! :)

    In all seriousness: awesome.

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  2. I thought you couldn't get any more awesome. I was SO wrong. Wow :D

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    1. You are so very good for my ego. :) Thank you.

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  3. As the mother of three daughters I say THANK YOU! I appreciate parents who teach their sons the things I want them to know before they come to call on my daughters! :-)

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  4. Spot on. She used to be so wholesome back in the day and now she's just a skank. What a shame.

    Have a terrific day. ☺

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    1. She certainly has made some unfortunate choices.

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  5. This was AWESOME, Christine! Do post it, do print it out, and give them another copy with every birthday card until they are 30! (By then they've either got it, or they don't :-) We need to teach our daughters and our sons to respect themselves, their bodies, and all others. This is a straight-forward great way to start! My son heard straight out that if he EVER treated a woman badly, even when he's someday married, I'm going to show up at his door and straighten him out!

    As for the girl that started this latest commotion, as I noted on Facebook, how wonderful it would have been if the audience, the media, and all the rest of us that spread the word, had responded with absolute silence. Shunning can be a very powerful means of correction, and does not give the one acting out all the attention they were going to such extremes to gain. Imagine if she would have stood there in her underwear, and her stage partner as well, and no one applauded, nothing, just silence. It might have given her cause to reconsider her choices.

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    1. Thank you. Already printed.

      I thought the same thing!! It's why I never wrote her full name or put a link. As far as she is concerned, it seems, any publicity is good publicity. I just kept seeing all kinds of people writing about how they don't want their daughters to turn into her. People need to know that it's not just the girls we need to be worried about.

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  6. As Lisa @ Golden Spoons said, from the mother of a girl, Thanks!

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  7. I have boys myself and I am always stressing respect for themselves and for any girl they may meet, be friends with or date. I also think it helps that they see my husband and other male figures who treat and speak about women with respect. Thanks for this letter, it's great!

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    1. Thank you! Role models are so very important for boys. They need to see for themselves what respecting women looks like. Thank you for teaching your boys to respect the girls. My girl will marry someday, and I need to know I'm not the only one parenting this way!

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  8. What an amazing woman, wife, and mother you are :)

    I always taught my daughter to behave in life the way she would always want to be seen, and it's so lovely to see how your example will make all of your children an amazing example of a caring mother's love :)

    You are awesome! :)

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    1. You are so sweet. Thank you. From what I've seen, you did a great job raising your daughter to be a caring, compassionate woman. Your encouragement means a lot. Thank you for that.

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  9. From the mom of a son, thank you! This is what I want to say to my little boy too, once he's old enough.

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    1. You're welcome. I'm glad to hear about all the moms who are raising their boys to be gentlemen. Thank you!

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  10. Our sons and daughters need to know that the crap they see portrayed out there on tv and the internet and wherever else they see it, is NOT real life. And that the tv and internet are not not where they should learn about love, sex, life, or anything else. We have a responsibility to teach them what is true and beautiful and honest and to point them to God as the source of all of that.

    Great post, Christine!

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    1. I agree with Joell. My kids have watched Two and a Half Men. I'm not thrilled with that, but at least it gives me a chance to tell them that it is NOT an example of real life, nor is about 99% of what they see on tv or the internet.

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  11. Very good, I agree with everyone here. Why is honorable behavior (in both genders) never highlighted or celebrated? Only the crap makes the news. It's very sad, the Miley thing. She bought into the trash that women must be provocative and sexy to be successful in the entertainment biz. Probably another train wreck coming down the pike.

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    1. No joke. It seems honorable behavior doesn't sell very well. It's all very disheartening.

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  12. This is just perfect. I especially love the dancing advice!!

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  13. This is so well said. I want to save it and keep it for when my boy grows older. :)

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    1. Thank you. Go right ahead and print it for them!

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  14. Good advice. This is a two-way street, and we need to talk to our sons, too!

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    1. I thought you'd understand. Plenty of testosterone at your house!

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  15. Society needs more moms like you! This letter is perfectly stated.

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  16. Somehow I missed this post until today, but I am so glad I found it! This is great stuff. I need to file it away in case I ever have kids one day.... even though by then who knows where Miley Cyrus will be... LOL!

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Thank you for taking the time to tell me what you're thinking!