Thursday, August 22, 2013

Signs. They Break My Mind.



Today, I really, really wanted to move back to Bermuda.

Of course, when don't I want to move back to Bermuda?

Today, it was for one reason, and one reason only.

Signs are illegal.

There are no billboards.  There are no business logos.  There are no temporary, "Look Who's Having a Birthday!" signs. 

No.  Signs.

This was the conversation the boys and I had on the way home from kindergarten today:

Keep in mind, I drive a 12-passenger van.  Turken sits directly behind me, and Cuckoo sits directly behind Turken.  And, the first 10 minutes of our drive is on the most-developed road on Indy's south side.

C:  Mom! What does that sign say?

Me:  We buy gold.

C:  Mom!  Mom!  What does that sign say?

Me:  Which sign?

C:  That one!

Me:  Honey, I don't know which sign you are pointing to.

C:  We just passed it!!

Me:  Sorry.  There were about 50 signs, and I didn't know which one you meant.

C:  Mom!  Mom!  What's that sign say?

Me:  Which one?

C:  The one over there!

Me:  Honey, I can't tell where you are pointing.  You need to wait until we pick up the big kids.  They'll be able to tell you.

C:  We just passed it!!!

T:  What's that sign say?

Me:  Which one?

T:  The corn one!

Me:  (frantically searching, lest we pass it) I don't see a corn sign.

T:  RIGHT THERE!

Me:  Don't see one.

T:  We passed it!

C:  Mom!  Mom!  What's that sign say?

Me:  I don't know what you are pointing to.  Wait for the big kids!

T:  There's another one.  What's that corn sign say?

Me:  I still don't see the corn sign, Honey.

T:  What's it say?  What's it say?

C:  Mom!  Mom! What's that sign say?

Me:  I AM NOT READING ANY MORE SIGNS!!!  I DON'T KNOW WHICH SIGN YOU ARE POINTING TO!  WE NEED TO STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!!!

T:  There's a soybean sign.  What's it say?

C:  Mom!  Mom!  What's that sign say?

Me:  (realizing Turken has been completely messing with me, not pointing to any signs, but the actual corn field or soybean field, because he thinks he's funny)  Har-di-har-har.  Stop it.

T:  There's another corn sign!  What's it say?

C:  Mom!  Mom!  What's it say?

Some of you may be asking, "Why didn't you just read one of the signs, even if it's not the one he pointed to?  The kids would never know."

Oh, ye of little experience.  If I were to actually read a sign every time he asked me to, he would ask over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...today, tomorrow, the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day...and I'd have to "read" every single one.

This way, there is a bit of frustration on both sides, but in the end, we all win.  The next time we travel down that road, they won't ask about a single sign.  I get a few seconds of quiet time. Plus, with this solution, Cuckoo won't go to preschool thinking the bank sign says, "$20 massage.  Walk-ins welcome."

Of course, the best solution of all is to just move to Bermuda.  If we lived there, we would never have to have such ridiculous conversations.   Besides banning signs, they've made 12-passenger vans illegal, too.  It would be impossible to hear his questions when he's wearing a helmet and riding on the back of a scooter.

*I realize the song's lyrics, once you get past "Signs, signs, everywhere there's signs, blocking out the scenery, breaking my mind," don't really match the post, but it's been going through my head anyway, ever since we got out of the van.

Have a lovely day!

14 comments:

  1. Love your post...it is so true...kids wanting us to read everything...:) I remember doing that with my lil sibs:) Did you live in Bermuda?

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    1. Thank you. Part of me wants them to learn how to read, so... they can read. Another part doesn't, because then they can read things no child should be reading. (Those grocery store aisles being some of the worst!)

      We lived in Bermuda for about 7 months, and were there for our first anniversary. A magical place it is. I wrote about it a few times.

      http://a-fly-on-our-chicken-coop-wall.blogspot.com/2013/01/a-slice-of-heaven-part-one-unless-i.html

      http://a-fly-on-our-chicken-coop-wall.blogspot.com/2013/02/bermuda-part-2.html

      http://a-fly-on-our-chicken-coop-wall.blogspot.com/2013/03/get-ready-to-dance-bermuda-style.html

      Delete
  2. I remember this song. I think it fits just fine.

    Have a terrific day. ☺

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  3. You need to have signs on sticks that you keep in the van. To hold up for the kids. When you tell them, "read this!". LOL
    Sounds to me like Turken will be giving you a hard time for a long time to come:)
    Ah, Bermuda. Does sound very, very nice (sigh)

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    1. Ha! Great idea, except I'd never find the signs in the detritus usually flung around my van. :)

      Bermuda is so, so lovely.

      Delete
  4. When my son was 3 or 4, he wanted to know what was inside every. single. tractor-trailer that we saw on the road. Occasionally, they're easy, because it's emblazoned on the trailer. 95% of the time, however, there is no hint, so I just made sh*t up. Lawnmowers. Watermelon. Basketballs. Did I say every single tractor-trailer? EVERY FREAKING ONE.

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    1. We went through that phase, too. And thank you for proving my point. Don't fall into the trap. Just say, "I don't know" enough times and the kid stops asking!

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  5. There are no signs in Alaska either...in pretty places they take away from the scenery I guess. At least in the Midwest they draw attention from the wind turbines!!! Haha

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    1. Or, there aren't that many places to go. :)

      Haha!!

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  6. Neff: What does that sign say?
    Me: Words.
    Neff: Why?
    Me: To syntaxically display a version of communication aimed at a demographic consisting errant or itinerant multifarious viewers, in order to convey such information as might be considered relevant, useful, informative, educational or otherwise improving upon their day.
    Neff: *shuts the hell up, knowing he's been beaten*

    You'd think after 5 other kids you'd have this pegged :p

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    1. Except I don't know half the words you just said. :)

      And they wouldn't wait long enough for me to finish the sentence before asking again.

      Delete
  7. I still read every sign I pass. Probably caz I take the bus everywhere

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Thank you for taking the time to tell me what you're thinking!