Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Five Favorite Redneck Items

There is this thing called "Five Favorites" each week that I see some people participating in and thought I'd try it out this week.

My first thought was to list my five favorite kids.  Yes, I have six, but one just isn't making the cut this week.

That's probably too mean.

Plan B:

COW decided he wanted a sausage stuffer for his upcoming birthday.  (We'll just skip over all the jokes on that one.)  He received it in the mail yesterday, and in the box came some catalogues from companies who cater to people who purchase sausage stuffers.  Sitting next to me on the couch last night, he was flipping through them.

It seems when he chose to buy a sausage stuffer, he put himself into one crazy group.  I give you...

My Five Favorite Things from the Sausage Stuffer Catalogues
  
 
1.  1 million volt stun gun/flashlight combo
 


Gives the game "Flashlight Tag" a whole new dimension.

2.  1 million volt stun gun/flashlight/walking cane

Just what every grumpy old bachelor uncle needs to whip his unruly, loud nephews into shape.

3.  Solar powered fan/light.


No joke.  I really want one of these.  If we have a major power outage, I want to be cool.  Now, I'm just assuming the solar panel charges a battery of some sort.  If not, that light would be mighty useless, seeing as how you would need it at night, when there's no sun to fire up the solar panel.

4.  Camo underwear

Tighty-whities are for wimps.  And if you are the type of guy who sleeps in his underwear, it's pretty important when you are on your hunting trips to stay hidden when you are "making water" first thing in the morning.

5.  3D synthetic ghillie suit


I could have so much fun with this thing.  Unfortunately, I can never buy it.  Remember, I have a neighbor who is deathly afraid of Bigfoot coming to get him.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, this is the sausage stuffer COW bought.



 


Seems we're going to be eating a lot of sausage links once these pigs go to the butcher (next week!!).

Grace is the guest host for Five Favorites this week.  Head over to read some more or link up your own!



Have a great day!



40 comments:

  1. Since we ARE total rednecks, we actually have a ghillie suit and get tons of enjoyment out of it. Thank you for this post, 'cause now I know what I'm gettin' my hubs for Christmas- the stun gun/flashlight/walking cane. He can do some serious damage with that sucker!!!

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    Replies
    1. Hahahaha!! I shouldn't be surprised. :)

      I expect to hear the stories!

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  2. Oh gosh I just LOVE your sense of humor! I use a walking stick when I take my short walks around the park here, and that stun gun/flashlight/cane might just come in handy when the time change comes and it gets dark out! Ha ha!

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    Replies
    1. It most certainly would. No thug would even think about jumping you! :)

      Delete
  3. The suit is awesome! I must say, I've never had a kid ask for a sausage stuffer before. That makes me laugh!

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    Replies
    1. While my kids are excited for it, COW is my husband. :)

      Delete
  4. I'm with Pat on this one - I just love the idea of the 1 million volt stun gun/flashlight/walking cane!
    I manage to damage anybody within a 6ft circumference just walking with my crutches - just imagine what I could do with that super-duper walking cane! Lol

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha! I will keep an eye out for stun gun/flashlight/crutches for you.

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  5. I too want the stun gun/walking cane. That rocks.

    Have a terrific day. ☺

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    Replies
    1. Seems to be the popular item! (Can't say I'm surprised. I know my readers.) :)

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  6. I've always heard the phrase, "You don't want to know how they make the sausage."

    Still stands....

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    1. COW worked at Sugardale Meats when he was in high school packing hams and other, more mysterious meat products. You don't want to know. He, however, doesn't care. :)

      Delete
  7. I am rolling!! You are hilarious!! I actually have one son who thinks that camo underwear ALONE is proper rabbit hunting attire.

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    Replies
    1. Hahahaha!! Of course you do! Glad you found the post amusing.

      Delete
  8. Awesome, all those stun gun things ;-) Sometimes, those red-neck stuff is really funny!

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    1. Isn't it, though? Not only are they putting stun guns in everything, but they are making them so stinkin' strong! 1 million volts??

      Delete
  9. Hahaha! I love this. I particular like the camo undies and the big foot suit. I've seen those in some of the hunting magazines lying around and I've always thought I'd have to become a fitness pro just to cart the thing around on my body in the woods!

    Have fun with the sausage! :)

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    Replies
    1. You have hunting magazines lying around?? You don't strike me as a hunter. :)

      I imagine the suit is heavy, besides the ridiculous factor.

      Thank you!

      Delete
  10. I am trying really hard not to make a comment about the stuffer. But I would think if you order items 1 & 2 you could get that kid number 6 into shape. of course he might order items 4 and 5. But that would make a really interesting game of tag!

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    1. Me, too. :)

      Ha! If only it were that easy...

      Can you even imagine that game? Thoughts of the Hunger Games comes to mind.

      Delete
  11. I'm with Dyanne...I love sausage but I don't want to know how it is made. (No jokes, please) So how about you NOT tell me or give me any details in the slightest. Deal? I didn't think so...

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    1. Yeah, whatever. My husband is going to make sausage links. You know that is going to be 50 shades of hilarious. There will be a post. And you will love it. :)

      Delete
  12. I was totally with you until the last sentence and then I was like "AAAAAAHHHHH!! That wasn't in the title!" but then I remembered I REALLY, REALLY like your blog. Just don't tell the pigs. ;)

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    1. I wouldn't dream of telling the pigs. They would get way too full of themselves.

      Sorry about the pig butchering reference. After next week, you'll be in the clear until next year. :)

      Delete
  13. Can't wait til the sausage post - I only hope that you're gonna make Real Sausages, excluding the usual mix of eyeball, skin and arsehole that goes into commercial sausages...

    Get the ghillie suit and the flashlight and terrify kid #6 into behaving. I hope whatever it did this week is redeemable!

    (also, LOVE the flashlight idea...I heard that the high you get after being tasered is incredible, because your endorphin levels just SKYROCKET...sadly we can't get tasers over here...or stun-lights...*sadface*)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Add to list of care package for Lizzi: one stun gun....

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    2. We will be using our own ground pork. That's all I know so far. No eyeballs or other nasty bits.
      No need for the ghillie suit. I'm scary enough without it. Although, the flashlight might help. :)

      Wow. The trivia in your head...

      Delete
    3. WHOOT! That sounds like fun :)

      And yes - I'm chock-full of random, useless information.

      Have you tried reverse-psycholleging Kid #6 and being super-duper-nice to it, instead? Sometimes works a treat, especially in the moments when you'd rather use the flashlight to tan its hide (I speak only from experience with Small Children here)

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    4. I've been so sweet, I practically had chocolate sauce dripping off of me. (Bad simile. (or is it a metaphor? (I always get them confused.)))

      Delete
  14. The pic of the sausage stuffer brought back memories. My best friend in high school had parents who owned a butcher's shop and in my mid teens I had a Saturday job there. One of my tasks was to make sausages - hence why I never eat them as I know what goes into them. Yuck!!

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    1. Oh, wow. I think that even trumps my husband's stint at a meat packing plant. Don't tell me what they're made of. My husband is going to expect me to try the ones he makes.

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  15. I want the stun gun walking stick!!! I have to use a stick sometimes, and I totally want that one!

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    1. Wow, I'm thinking every one of you who said you want one should all get together and have a stun gun cane contest of some sort.

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  16. crazy items! The sausage stuffer is the best of that bunch. So glad you kept it clean. :-)

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  17. My middle son is actually begging for a ghillie suit for his birthday. Oy.

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    1. Hahahaha!! So, are you going to get it?? You are the family who had a camo birthday party not too long ago...

      Delete
  18. I'd love to hear a review of the sausage stuffer. Trying to stuff bratwursts today was not working with my KitchenAid attachment. I think I need a manual stuffer. Then I can get crazy redneck catalogs, too. They'll go over well here in Polk County.

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    Replies
    1. Ha! Everyone should get crazy redneck catalogs. :)
      As soon as we get the pork back from the butcher, the sausage will be made. I'll be sure to post the results.

      Delete

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