Young kids are very good at wielding that two-letter word weapon whenever they aren't in the mood to do something. There's no wishy washy in it. There's no guilt in using it. If they don't want to do something or if they don't want something, that no is made known quite clearly.
While that no from a two year old can cause us some frustration, we parents can learn from those very same children's use of the word.
I am of the mind that we need to serve others. We need to volunteer and help people who need help.
When the kids were little, before soccer and school activities took over, we had a whole lot of down time. Bryan and I were finally meeting people at church and getting more involved with activities there. I would see shout outs for needs in Sunday's bulletin, and I'd happily respond with a, "Sure! I can do that!" As we got to know more people, people started personally asking us to do certain things. "Can you take the photos for the anniversary directory?" Sure!
I had plenty of time to fill, I liked having the interaction, and I was helping people, just like I should. Plus, I had a small photography business, mainly because people had asked me to take photos of their kids. (When you have a lawyer for a husband, things have to be done "properly".) I was happy to be doing it.
Until it got to the point where I was a stressed-out mama, dragging my kids hither and yon, putting layettes together, taking photos, making meals, counseling engaged couples, teaching VBC, and who knows how many other things. And to top it off, the photography business was getting bigger and requiring more time.
I would snap at the kids, because I HAD to get something done. I would tell my kids to give me 5 minutes to do this one thing and then I'd play, then 30 minutes later get annoyed when they reminded me that I never stopped to play. Guilt took hold, and it made me realize one very important thing.
Every time I said yes to a photography client or someone at church or school, I was saying no to my kids.
I am a stay-at-home mom for a reason. That reason is not so I can be at everyone's beck and call, but so I can be present with my kids and be the best mom I can be.
I had to learn from my young kids that it is OK to say no. With no hesitation or guilt.
I took my name off of the email list for making dinners.
I got off the Birthline volunteer list that required me to go downtown to put layettes together.
I closed the photography business.
I took time off of everything to regroup and decide what I really wanted to do and what was actually feasible.
Were other people happy when they called and asked me to do something, and I replied with a resounding, "No"?
Nope.
Was it the end of the world for any of us?
Nope.
I still volunteer, but I am much choosier about what I agree to do.
As time goes on, and kids go to school and leave the house, there will be plenty of time to volunteer more and do other things that I want to do.
For now, I'm a mom. With kids who need direction, help, and guidance. And fun. There has to be fun. I have to say no to others, so I can say yes to them.
So, if you find yourself over-committed and frustrated, learn a lesson from a two year old.
Say no.
But take heed, that no will be received much better if you are not rolling around on the floor screaming it over and over again.
How are you at telling people no? Is it something you had to learn the hard way? Tell me all about it.
Have a lovely day!
Thursday, April 16, 2015
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
Did I Get Any Mail?
Expect this question a lot if you follow today's suggestion.
At least one of my kids will ask daily.
We have purchased magazine subscriptions for each of our kids.
They love it.
For one, it is a reason to get mail. Who doesn't like getting mail (that isn't a bill)?
And secondly, it's something fun to read and look at. Magazines always have great photos to go with their information.
If a subscription isn't in the budget, it is a great gift to suggest when a grandparent or other relative asks you what to buy your sweet darlings for Christmas or a birthday.
We've gotten many different ones over the years, but the favorites have been:
Zoobooks
Sports Illustrated Kids
National Geographic Kids
chickeaDEE (Printed by the same publisher of Owl and Chirp, two other favorite magazines.)
And of course, Highlights (or the version for younger kids, High Fives).
Have your children ever gotten magazine subscriptions? What was their favorites?
Have a lovely day!
At least one of my kids will ask daily.
We have purchased magazine subscriptions for each of our kids.
They love it.
For one, it is a reason to get mail. Who doesn't like getting mail (that isn't a bill)?
And secondly, it's something fun to read and look at. Magazines always have great photos to go with their information.
If a subscription isn't in the budget, it is a great gift to suggest when a grandparent or other relative asks you what to buy your sweet darlings for Christmas or a birthday.
We've gotten many different ones over the years, but the favorites have been:
Zoobooks
Sports Illustrated Kids
National Geographic Kids
chickeaDEE (Printed by the same publisher of Owl and Chirp, two other favorite magazines.)
And of course, Highlights (or the version for younger kids, High Fives).
Have your children ever gotten magazine subscriptions? What was their favorites?
Have a lovely day!
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Lists of Literature
Literature might be a strong word for some of these.
I'm OK with that.
As far as I'm concerned, as long as the kids are reading appropriate content, I don't care what they read as long as they are reading. They'll get to better quality once they get better at reading.
I decided to go straight to the kids.
"Favorite books you've ever read. Go."
Picture Books
Purple, Green, and Yellow by Robert Munsch (and all other 20+ books he's written)
A Is for Salad by Mike Lester
Verdi by Janell Cannon
Bear Snores On (and all the other bear books) by Karma Wilson
Froggy series by Jonathon London
Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus (and all other pigeon books)
The Book with No Pictures by B.J. Novak
Moosetache (series) by Margie Palatini
Elmer by David Mckee
Early (ish) Chapter Books
Ready, Freddy series by Abby Klein
Junie B Jones series by Barbara Park
Boxcar Children series by Gertrude Chandler Warner
A-Z Mysteries (No relation to A-Z Challenge, for which this post was written) by Ron Roy
Lexi's Tale by Johanna Hurwitz
The World According to Humphrey (and series) by Betty G. Birney
The BFG by Roald Dahl (and all other books by him)
Sports books by Matt Christopher
Sports books by Tim Green
Big Nate series by Lincoln Pierce
Wayside School series by Louis Sachar
Diary of a Wimpy Kid series by Jeff Kinney
Hardy Boys series by Franklin Dixon
Not So Early Chapter Books
Alex Rider series by Anthony Horowitz
I Am a Genius of Unspeakable Evil and I Want to Be Your Class President by Josh Lieb
Chicken Soup for a Kids' Soul
The Last Newspaper Boy in America by Sue Corbett
A Dog's Life: Autobiography of a Stray by Ann Martin
Great Illustrated Classics series (Great way for kids to be introduced to books before they are able to read the full versions (Giant said his favorite of the bunch was Count of Monte Cristo)
The Candymakers by Wendy Mass *** even Star gave this a high recommendation, which is rare, 'cause he's a sulky teen who doesn't like much of anything. :)
Chasing Lincoln's Killer by James Swanson
The Pushcart War by Jean Merrill
Fish by Gregory Mone
Baseball Card Adventure Series by Dan Gutman
The Notorious Benedict Arnold: A True Story of Adventure, Heroism, and Treachery by Steve Scheinkin
Fablehaven series by Brandon Mull
Percy Jackson and the Olympians series by Rick Riordan
Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling
Ranger's Apprentice series by John Flanagan
Brotherband Chronicles series by John Flanagan (read after Ranger's Apprentice)
Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins
Picks Specifically Made by Buttercup, 'Cause She's the Only Girl (She likes many of the books above, but she's the only one that likes these.)
Anne of Green Gables (and rest of series) by L.M. Montgomery
Chasing Redbird by Sharon Creech
Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder
When I asked her why only three recommendations, she replied, "I've read lots of good books, but these are the ones I've read over and over and over again."
So, have your kids read any of these? What would they add to the list?
Have a lovely day!
I'm OK with that.
As far as I'm concerned, as long as the kids are reading appropriate content, I don't care what they read as long as they are reading. They'll get to better quality once they get better at reading.
I decided to go straight to the kids.
"Favorite books you've ever read. Go."
Picture Books
Purple, Green, and Yellow by Robert Munsch (and all other 20+ books he's written)
A Is for Salad by Mike Lester
Verdi by Janell Cannon
Bear Snores On (and all the other bear books) by Karma Wilson
Froggy series by Jonathon London
Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus (and all other pigeon books)
The Book with No Pictures by B.J. Novak
Moosetache (series) by Margie Palatini
Elmer by David Mckee
Early (ish) Chapter Books
Ready, Freddy series by Abby Klein
Junie B Jones series by Barbara Park
Boxcar Children series by Gertrude Chandler Warner
A-Z Mysteries (No relation to A-Z Challenge, for which this post was written) by Ron Roy
Lexi's Tale by Johanna Hurwitz
The World According to Humphrey (and series) by Betty G. Birney
The BFG by Roald Dahl (and all other books by him)
Sports books by Matt Christopher
Sports books by Tim Green
Big Nate series by Lincoln Pierce
Wayside School series by Louis Sachar
Diary of a Wimpy Kid series by Jeff Kinney
Hardy Boys series by Franklin Dixon
Not So Early Chapter Books
Alex Rider series by Anthony Horowitz
I Am a Genius of Unspeakable Evil and I Want to Be Your Class President by Josh Lieb
Chicken Soup for a Kids' Soul
The Last Newspaper Boy in America by Sue Corbett
A Dog's Life: Autobiography of a Stray by Ann Martin
Great Illustrated Classics series (Great way for kids to be introduced to books before they are able to read the full versions (Giant said his favorite of the bunch was Count of Monte Cristo)
The Candymakers by Wendy Mass *** even Star gave this a high recommendation, which is rare, 'cause he's a sulky teen who doesn't like much of anything. :)
Chasing Lincoln's Killer by James Swanson
The Pushcart War by Jean Merrill
Fish by Gregory Mone
Baseball Card Adventure Series by Dan Gutman
The Notorious Benedict Arnold: A True Story of Adventure, Heroism, and Treachery by Steve Scheinkin
Fablehaven series by Brandon Mull
Percy Jackson and the Olympians series by Rick Riordan
Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling
Ranger's Apprentice series by John Flanagan
Brotherband Chronicles series by John Flanagan (read after Ranger's Apprentice)
Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins
Picks Specifically Made by Buttercup, 'Cause She's the Only Girl (She likes many of the books above, but she's the only one that likes these.)
Anne of Green Gables (and rest of series) by L.M. Montgomery
Chasing Redbird by Sharon Creech
Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder
When I asked her why only three recommendations, she replied, "I've read lots of good books, but these are the ones I've read over and over and over again."
So, have your kids read any of these? What would they add to the list?
Have a lovely day!
Monday, April 13, 2015
Kites!
In Bermuda on Good Friday the entire island shuts down, and everyone heads to the beaches to fly kites. It's one of the prettiest and most calm events I've ever been to.
Because I didn't fly a kite.
Flying a kite is not one of my favorite things to do. Flying a kite with a little kid is even worse as far as I'm concerned. Yes, I enjoy the giggles and awe from a child who sees a kite up in the air for the first time, but the effort it takes to help that child get a kite in the air is just not the kind of effort I want to expend.
Does that mean my kids never get to fly kites??
NO!
Shopping at Meijer for Easter basket fillers a couple of years ago, I found a MicroKite.
Best. Kite. Ever.
It's only a few inches wide and a few inches tall, but it has what seems like a 10-ft. tail.
And, AND it only cost $2.
(It can be found on Amazon, but Walmart and Meijer are cheaper.)
Best part? With a bit of wind, a kid can get it flying in no time. No running necessary, which is good, since running with a kite through our yard would mean a sprained ankle or dog poo covered shoes.
I bought some for my nieces and nephews for Easter this year, plus an extra one for Cuckoo. He's been asking to fly a kite every single time a good, stiff breeze blows through.
There is a nice, long string, so the kite can get up pretty high.
I assume it's the tail that gets it to dive and weave and really make the kids giggle.
What do you think about flying kites? Any good kite-flying memories?
Have a lovely day!
Because I didn't fly a kite.
Flying a kite is not one of my favorite things to do. Flying a kite with a little kid is even worse as far as I'm concerned. Yes, I enjoy the giggles and awe from a child who sees a kite up in the air for the first time, but the effort it takes to help that child get a kite in the air is just not the kind of effort I want to expend.
Does that mean my kids never get to fly kites??
NO!
Shopping at Meijer for Easter basket fillers a couple of years ago, I found a MicroKite.
Best. Kite. Ever.
It's only a few inches wide and a few inches tall, but it has what seems like a 10-ft. tail.
And, AND it only cost $2.
(It can be found on Amazon, but Walmart and Meijer are cheaper.)
Best part? With a bit of wind, a kid can get it flying in no time. No running necessary, which is good, since running with a kite through our yard would mean a sprained ankle or dog poo covered shoes.
I bought some for my nieces and nephews for Easter this year, plus an extra one for Cuckoo. He's been asking to fly a kite every single time a good, stiff breeze blows through.
There is a nice, long string, so the kite can get up pretty high.
I assume it's the tail that gets it to dive and weave and really make the kids giggle.
What do you think about flying kites? Any good kite-flying memories?
Have a lovely day!
Friday, April 10, 2015
Thankfully, No Little Monkeys Are Jumping on the Bed, TToT week #95
Back in March, I announced that I was doing this here A-Z Challenge, and I asked people to suggest problems for which they could use some help, especially problems that start with the letter J. My faithful friends and readers came up with:
A child puts a jelly bean up his nose.
1. I am thankful that I never had a child get a jelly bean or anything else stuck in his nose. However, I will always remember an episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" in which there was a question as to how to get a stuck cocoa puff out of a child's nose. Robert's answer was the correct one: Crunch and blow. Crunch the cereal by squeezing his nose, then blow it out. Now, jelly beans don't crunch so... well... try some tweezers? Or make the kid drink some milk then tickle him to get the milk to come out his nose and flush that piece of candy out?
Kids jumping on the bed.
2. I am thankful that my kids do not jump on the bed (anymore). When each child moved out of his crib, he moved to a twin mattress on the floor. No box springs. No bed frame. We figured a kid new to a bed might fall out more often than normal, so we kept the height of the bed nice and low. And let him jump on it to his heart's content. (Mattresses on hard floors do not bounce much, thus the kid didn't bounce much.) We left the bed like this for at least a year, well after the child got bored with bouncing on a non-bouncy bed. By the time the bed frame came along, he had gotten it out of his system, I guess. They never went back to it.
I have some non-J thankfuls from this week, too, since I've really fudged my lists the last few weeks.
3. I am thankful that we were able to go to my favorite Mass of the year. (Easter Vigil) Most people have never been to the Easter Vigil, because they are worried about how long it is and how late it starts. Yes, it is longer than a normal Mass, but it is just plain beautiful. There are so many things that happen that don't happen at a normal Mass. Yes, it starts after the little kids' bedtime, but, in fact, Cuckoo behaves better during the 2 to two and a half hour service than he does during a normal one hour Sunday Mass. If you've never been, I highly recommend you try it at least once.
4. I am thankful that Lent is over and we can go back to having our Friday School Is Over for the Week celebratory half-priced milk shakes.
5. I am thankful for awesome friends who think of us when they have extra tickets. Bryan and Giant were able to go to the Duke vs. Wisconsin game on Monday. I'm pretty sure Giant would rank it as one of the best nights of his life. The boy loves, loves, loves March Madness (He actually debated going on vacation because it would mean missing so many games.), so this was like a dream come true, except he never would have dreamed he'd be sitting in the seats he was in. (16th row!)
6. I am thankful for people willing to help a girl (who can't be at 4 places at the same time) out. Bryan was out of town most of this week, which just happens to be when all sports went into full swing. Games and practices were all going on at the same time all over town, and some families were nice enough to drive my kids where they needed (or I needed them) to be.
7. I am thankful that rain and storms caused the cancellation of several games and practices this week. Sure, our schedules changed by the second, and we had to be prepared for any and all eventualities, but we survived and I didn't lose track of a single kid.
8. I am thankful that after three weeks off, I finally had the time one morning to go to the gym again. Being sore feels really good.
9. I am thankful that I managed to get some much-needed cleaning done. Granted, some of it got done because I had Cuckoo skip preschool on Thursday, but it got done.
10. I am thankful that (thus far) I have been able to keep up with the writing of posts for the A-Z Challenge, and so far they seem to be well-received. Can't say I've kept up on reading new ones from the gigantic list, but I'll get to that this weekend.
So, what has happened this week that made you smile? Got any advice for people who have kids with jelly beans up their noses? Speak up!
And have a lovely day!
Join the Ten Things of Thankful Facebook Group
A child puts a jelly bean up his nose.
1. I am thankful that I never had a child get a jelly bean or anything else stuck in his nose. However, I will always remember an episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" in which there was a question as to how to get a stuck cocoa puff out of a child's nose. Robert's answer was the correct one: Crunch and blow. Crunch the cereal by squeezing his nose, then blow it out. Now, jelly beans don't crunch so... well... try some tweezers? Or make the kid drink some milk then tickle him to get the milk to come out his nose and flush that piece of candy out?
Kids jumping on the bed.
2. I am thankful that my kids do not jump on the bed (anymore). When each child moved out of his crib, he moved to a twin mattress on the floor. No box springs. No bed frame. We figured a kid new to a bed might fall out more often than normal, so we kept the height of the bed nice and low. And let him jump on it to his heart's content. (Mattresses on hard floors do not bounce much, thus the kid didn't bounce much.) We left the bed like this for at least a year, well after the child got bored with bouncing on a non-bouncy bed. By the time the bed frame came along, he had gotten it out of his system, I guess. They never went back to it.
I have some non-J thankfuls from this week, too, since I've really fudged my lists the last few weeks.
3. I am thankful that we were able to go to my favorite Mass of the year. (Easter Vigil) Most people have never been to the Easter Vigil, because they are worried about how long it is and how late it starts. Yes, it is longer than a normal Mass, but it is just plain beautiful. There are so many things that happen that don't happen at a normal Mass. Yes, it starts after the little kids' bedtime, but, in fact, Cuckoo behaves better during the 2 to two and a half hour service than he does during a normal one hour Sunday Mass. If you've never been, I highly recommend you try it at least once.
4. I am thankful that Lent is over and we can go back to having our Friday School Is Over for the Week celebratory half-priced milk shakes.
5. I am thankful for awesome friends who think of us when they have extra tickets. Bryan and Giant were able to go to the Duke vs. Wisconsin game on Monday. I'm pretty sure Giant would rank it as one of the best nights of his life. The boy loves, loves, loves March Madness (He actually debated going on vacation because it would mean missing so many games.), so this was like a dream come true, except he never would have dreamed he'd be sitting in the seats he was in. (16th row!)
6. I am thankful for people willing to help a girl (who can't be at 4 places at the same time) out. Bryan was out of town most of this week, which just happens to be when all sports went into full swing. Games and practices were all going on at the same time all over town, and some families were nice enough to drive my kids where they needed (or I needed them) to be.
7. I am thankful that rain and storms caused the cancellation of several games and practices this week. Sure, our schedules changed by the second, and we had to be prepared for any and all eventualities, but we survived and I didn't lose track of a single kid.
8. I am thankful that after three weeks off, I finally had the time one morning to go to the gym again. Being sore feels really good.
9. I am thankful that I managed to get some much-needed cleaning done. Granted, some of it got done because I had Cuckoo skip preschool on Thursday, but it got done.
10. I am thankful that (thus far) I have been able to keep up with the writing of posts for the A-Z Challenge, and so far they seem to be well-received. Can't say I've kept up on reading new ones from the gigantic list, but I'll get to that this weekend.
So, what has happened this week that made you smile? Got any advice for people who have kids with jelly beans up their noses? Speak up!
And have a lovely day!
Your hosts
A Fly on our (Chicken Coop) Wall, Amycake and the Dude, Considerings, Finding Ninee, Getting Literal, I Want Backsies, The Meaning of Me, Thankful Me, Uncharted, The Wakefield Doctrine
Join the Ten Things of Thankful Facebook Group
Insouciant Injections
Tell me the truth...did you click over just so you could find out what insouciant meant? (I found the word when I searched thesaurus.com for an "i" word synonymous with calm.)
Yes. Calm. It is possible for a child to get four injections (aka shots) in one doctor visit without screaming, crying, and forcefully holding him down. And the kid doesn't have to cry, either.
Keep in mind I said possible. I will not guarantee this to work for everyone, but it worked for all 6 of my kids. And really, it can't hurt to try. The worst that can happen is the screaming, crying, and holding down that you've heard about.
How we do kindergarten shots:
1. I tell them before we leave for the appointment in a very emotionless, matter-of-fact way. They always want to know if it will hurt, and I always tell the truth. It will hurt for just a little bit, but it hurts way less than stubbing a toe or scraping a knee. I do not offer ice cream or any other sort of reward for shots. To me, that is just basically telling the child that this is a REALLY REALLY BIG DEAL that they will barely live through and must get a treat if they survive. A shot is just a chore everyone has to do, just like feeding chickens. No one gets rewarded for that, either.
2. If a child begins to get anxious, I make them laugh by telling him that I had to get two horribly awful, painful shots IN MY BOTTOM in order for him to be born. (O- blood type in the house!)
3. I take the best distraction tool in my gigantic distraction tool box. I actually save it for this very purpose. The children are not allowed to touch it before the day of their kindergarten shots.
I won't even make you guess what it is...
A photo album full of baby and toddler pictures of the patient.
I know it's not true for all kids, but my kids LOVE to hear stories from when they were little. Getting to go through an entire photo album devoted to him is a dream come true. I tell him if he would like a distraction during the shots, I'll be happy to tell him all about the photos. He, of course, wants the distraction.
So, while the nurse gets the needles ready, we look at photos. The nurse cleans the patient's arm while we look at photos. The nurse sticks a big needle in the patient's arm, and the kid winces, but continues to look at the photos and listen to the stories.
For all four shots.
Kids take cues from us. If we make something a big deal, it is a big deal. If we are nonchalant, there is a much better chance that the child will remain calm.
So, if you have a child getting ready for some injections, consider this yet another reason to sit down and get those blasted photos off of your computer and onto paper.
This post was written for the A-Z Challenge, also known as the Good gravy, is this thing even half way over yet?? challenge.
So, how did your kids take their shots? What did you do to get through them?
Have a lovely day!
Yes. Calm. It is possible for a child to get four injections (aka shots) in one doctor visit without screaming, crying, and forcefully holding him down. And the kid doesn't have to cry, either.
Keep in mind I said possible. I will not guarantee this to work for everyone, but it worked for all 6 of my kids. And really, it can't hurt to try. The worst that can happen is the screaming, crying, and holding down that you've heard about.
How we do kindergarten shots:
1. I tell them before we leave for the appointment in a very emotionless, matter-of-fact way. They always want to know if it will hurt, and I always tell the truth. It will hurt for just a little bit, but it hurts way less than stubbing a toe or scraping a knee. I do not offer ice cream or any other sort of reward for shots. To me, that is just basically telling the child that this is a REALLY REALLY BIG DEAL that they will barely live through and must get a treat if they survive. A shot is just a chore everyone has to do, just like feeding chickens. No one gets rewarded for that, either.
2. If a child begins to get anxious, I make them laugh by telling him that I had to get two horribly awful, painful shots IN MY BOTTOM in order for him to be born. (O- blood type in the house!)
3. I take the best distraction tool in my gigantic distraction tool box. I actually save it for this very purpose. The children are not allowed to touch it before the day of their kindergarten shots.
I won't even make you guess what it is...
A photo album full of baby and toddler pictures of the patient.
I know it's not true for all kids, but my kids LOVE to hear stories from when they were little. Getting to go through an entire photo album devoted to him is a dream come true. I tell him if he would like a distraction during the shots, I'll be happy to tell him all about the photos. He, of course, wants the distraction.
So, while the nurse gets the needles ready, we look at photos. The nurse cleans the patient's arm while we look at photos. The nurse sticks a big needle in the patient's arm, and the kid winces, but continues to look at the photos and listen to the stories.
For all four shots.
Kids take cues from us. If we make something a big deal, it is a big deal. If we are nonchalant, there is a much better chance that the child will remain calm.
So, if you have a child getting ready for some injections, consider this yet another reason to sit down and get those blasted photos off of your computer and onto paper.
This post was written for the A-Z Challenge, also known as the Good gravy, is this thing even half way over yet?? challenge.
So, how did your kids take their shots? What did you do to get through them?
Have a lovely day!
Thursday, April 9, 2015
Homework. A Doozy of an H Word.
When Buttercup was in 7th grade, we had this conversation:
Me: I checked your grades and it says you are missing a math assignment.
B: I know. I asked him which problems I was supposed to do, and he hasn't told me yet.
Me: Um, he did his job 3 weeks ago when he assigned the homework. He told you then which problems to do. You chose not to write it down or do them, so it's now on you. Do the entire page.
B: But there are 40 problems!
Me: Well, I guess you'll get plenty of practice for the test then, won't you?
Soon after that, I had a conference with the math teacher, and this assignment came up. I told him what I told her. He was astounded and replied, "I really wish more parents took that stand. I get so many emails from parents asking which problems their children need to do."
In 7th grade.
I have seen it. As a teacher and as a parent, I have seen so many parents taking charge of their children's work. I know they do it thinking they are helping their kids. I know they do it out of love for their kids and their desire for them to succeed. Unfortunately, while it may help a child get a certain grade in that class, it isn't helping the child to prepare to be successful later on in life.
From the beginning, kids should own their homework. It is not my job to stand over them while they do it, making sure they do every problem correctly. It is my job to give them tools in order for them to be successful and to assist them when they come across a problem or assignment they just can't figure out themselves. Some kids need this more than others.
I have three kids who have never had to be reminded to do homework. It's a rare day that they ask me for help. I have no idea what they are doing on any given day.
I have a first grader who would lose his head if it wasn't attached. Oftentimes, he forgets instructions 5 seconds after they are given. I have a teenager who was flunking classes, all because homework wasn't getting done. These two kids need help.
Some ways to help without taking over:
Have a routine. As much as possible, have the same order of events each day. We may not get home after school at the same time every day, but once we are home, we follow the same schedule of do chores, eat snack, do homework. Things aren't forgotten as easily when it's the same every day.
Have a place to do homework and the supplies he needs to do it. Some kids need quiet and separation from the family noise. Other kids like to be in the middle of the activity and can get things done in the midst of it. Figure out how a child does best and figure out a way to give it to him. We have desks situated around the house, and kids that need them use them. Make sure pencils (and a pencil sharpener) and paper are available so he can actually do the assignments.
Give the child a planner and check to make sure he's using it. Both of the schools our kids attend give planners to everyone. If yours doesn't, buy one. I know a lot of schools have homework online now, but the child has more ownership if he writes things down as they are assigned. He (not you) can check the website to make sure he got everything.
When a child says he's done, compare his planner to the assignments he did. It is amazing the difference in attitude a child can have when he knows he has to prove he's done his homework. Simply asking him if he finished isn't enough. (Even good kids lie.) I don't go through to make sure he did the homework correctly, but I do take a glance to make sure he finished all of the problems. This takes all of 45 seconds.
Teach your child how to study. When the kids are little, quizzing your child on his spelling words is normal and helpful. As the child gets older, though, studying needs to be done more on his own. Some kids need to be taught how to study. Making flashcards throughout the chapter, outlining, answering questions at the end of the chapter, taking online practice tests...all can be done without a parent once he knows how. In high school, Phoenix found that doing homework or studying with someone in his class was very beneficial. I agree. Talking through difficult questions oftentimes helps organize thoughts.
We learned one lesson the hard way. Constantly fighting and arguing about homework is nothing but destructive. The conversation that made this very clear for me was another one I had with Buttercup. Phoenix had been on a Boy Scout camping weekend, and she said to me, "I miss Phoenix, but I really don't miss the arguing. It is so much more peaceful when he's not here."
If your child is struggling with homework, find out why. Is the material too hard? Perhaps he's in the wrong class. Is he just too tired? Perhaps he's involved in too many activities. Is he having trouble sitting still? Perhaps he needs a break before or in the middle of homework time. (Give him a timer, so when he takes a break he doesn't forget to go back to the homework!) Does he just want some attention? Play a game or read a book with him before homework time.
But while you are figuring it out, don't turn your house into a war zone, where every night involves a fight over homework. Let it go. After that conversation with Buttercup, we gave up the fighting. Our kids are with us such a short time, and we don't want them to look back on it and remember our home as a place of turmoil.
If you are having trouble with your child regarding school work, let me know. I'll be happy to pray for you.
Have a lovely day!
Me: I checked your grades and it says you are missing a math assignment.
B: I know. I asked him which problems I was supposed to do, and he hasn't told me yet.
Me: Um, he did his job 3 weeks ago when he assigned the homework. He told you then which problems to do. You chose not to write it down or do them, so it's now on you. Do the entire page.
B: But there are 40 problems!
Me: Well, I guess you'll get plenty of practice for the test then, won't you?
Soon after that, I had a conference with the math teacher, and this assignment came up. I told him what I told her. He was astounded and replied, "I really wish more parents took that stand. I get so many emails from parents asking which problems their children need to do."
In 7th grade.
I have seen it. As a teacher and as a parent, I have seen so many parents taking charge of their children's work. I know they do it thinking they are helping their kids. I know they do it out of love for their kids and their desire for them to succeed. Unfortunately, while it may help a child get a certain grade in that class, it isn't helping the child to prepare to be successful later on in life.
From the beginning, kids should own their homework. It is not my job to stand over them while they do it, making sure they do every problem correctly. It is my job to give them tools in order for them to be successful and to assist them when they come across a problem or assignment they just can't figure out themselves. Some kids need this more than others.
I have three kids who have never had to be reminded to do homework. It's a rare day that they ask me for help. I have no idea what they are doing on any given day.
I have a first grader who would lose his head if it wasn't attached. Oftentimes, he forgets instructions 5 seconds after they are given. I have a teenager who was flunking classes, all because homework wasn't getting done. These two kids need help.
Some ways to help without taking over:
Have a routine. As much as possible, have the same order of events each day. We may not get home after school at the same time every day, but once we are home, we follow the same schedule of do chores, eat snack, do homework. Things aren't forgotten as easily when it's the same every day.
Have a place to do homework and the supplies he needs to do it. Some kids need quiet and separation from the family noise. Other kids like to be in the middle of the activity and can get things done in the midst of it. Figure out how a child does best and figure out a way to give it to him. We have desks situated around the house, and kids that need them use them. Make sure pencils (and a pencil sharpener) and paper are available so he can actually do the assignments.
Give the child a planner and check to make sure he's using it. Both of the schools our kids attend give planners to everyone. If yours doesn't, buy one. I know a lot of schools have homework online now, but the child has more ownership if he writes things down as they are assigned. He (not you) can check the website to make sure he got everything.
When a child says he's done, compare his planner to the assignments he did. It is amazing the difference in attitude a child can have when he knows he has to prove he's done his homework. Simply asking him if he finished isn't enough. (Even good kids lie.) I don't go through to make sure he did the homework correctly, but I do take a glance to make sure he finished all of the problems. This takes all of 45 seconds.
Teach your child how to study. When the kids are little, quizzing your child on his spelling words is normal and helpful. As the child gets older, though, studying needs to be done more on his own. Some kids need to be taught how to study. Making flashcards throughout the chapter, outlining, answering questions at the end of the chapter, taking online practice tests...all can be done without a parent once he knows how. In high school, Phoenix found that doing homework or studying with someone in his class was very beneficial. I agree. Talking through difficult questions oftentimes helps organize thoughts.
We learned one lesson the hard way. Constantly fighting and arguing about homework is nothing but destructive. The conversation that made this very clear for me was another one I had with Buttercup. Phoenix had been on a Boy Scout camping weekend, and she said to me, "I miss Phoenix, but I really don't miss the arguing. It is so much more peaceful when he's not here."
If your child is struggling with homework, find out why. Is the material too hard? Perhaps he's in the wrong class. Is he just too tired? Perhaps he's involved in too many activities. Is he having trouble sitting still? Perhaps he needs a break before or in the middle of homework time. (Give him a timer, so when he takes a break he doesn't forget to go back to the homework!) Does he just want some attention? Play a game or read a book with him before homework time.
But while you are figuring it out, don't turn your house into a war zone, where every night involves a fight over homework. Let it go. After that conversation with Buttercup, we gave up the fighting. Our kids are with us such a short time, and we don't want them to look back on it and remember our home as a place of turmoil.
If you are having trouble with your child regarding school work, let me know. I'll be happy to pray for you.
Have a lovely day!
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