Thursday, May 8, 2014

My Mom Suggested I Stop Blogging, Part 3; or For the Love of All That Is Holy, Will This Day Ever End??

So, to recap my Monday thus far...*

1.  I realized the pigs had pneumonia.
2.  My van was torn apart by the dogs as they desperately tried to get the squirrel which had scurried into the undercarriage.
3.  I spent 2 hours at the car service place, missing a dentist appointment and the picking up of Turken from kindergarten, only to be told it would take up to 4 more hours and lots of money to fix the van.
4.  I left without getting it fixed just yet, and thus had to listen to the awful alarm going off in the van screaming at me to FIX IT NOW!
4.  (You didn't know this part.)  I spent an hour with the kids at the pediatrician's office for checkups for 2 kids.  Found out that Buttercup grew 3 inches last year, and that there is now a slight curve in her back.  When Turken gets his follow-up x-ray, Buttercup will be getting one of her back.
4.  I gave 2 pigs shots by myself while everyone was at school and work.
5.  I made my kids assist me in giving shots to the other 2 pigs.

Now that you're caught up, we can get to the next part of my day...


It was the parents vs. kids soccer game at school on Monday night.

There were signs that I should have skipped the game.  Or at least walked off the field after the game started.

There are always signs.

The first sign was over a year ago when I injured my ankle during a volleyball game.  It was a bit of a red flag that said "Hey, Doofus!  You're getting to old for this!"

I completely ignored it.

The second sign was the tangle I got into with another mom.  We were both on defense, and we both went after a kid trying to score.  I was running behind her, and my foot got tangled up with hers.  We both went down.  She landed first, then I landed on her legs.

Where she got cleats, I'll never know, but I know she had them on.  One of them hit me right between the legs.  The pain of getting cleated in the lady parts had me seeing stars.  As I stood up and staggered around the field, I just kept asking her, "Am I bleeding or did I pee my pants?"  She was laughing.  I was trying to discreetly check my shorts while approximately 35 people played soccer around me.

Let me just say, that is not as easy as it sounds.

But did I leave the field?

Of course not.

I am a doofus of epic proportions.

I am way more competitive than any 42 year old, out of shape woman should be.

I "rubbed some dirt on it" and got back to playing.

A ball was kicked far into the parents' side of the field.

There was only one 8th grade boy running for the ball.

I knew I could beat him.

I took off at full speed.

Just as I got to the ball, my foot planted.

My body twisted.

I felt things ripping and tearing and stretching all up and down the outside of my right leg.

I landed in a heap on the grass.

I grabbed my knee and began rolling from side to side, trying not to cry.

Adults came to stand around and look at me.

I wailed.

"I'm going to need to go to the hospital!  This is really bad!  Oh, it hurts!"

Bryan came to kneel next to me.

He leaned on both knees to ask what hurt.

I almost punched him as I yelled, "DON'T TOUCH ME!"

One of the parents is a fireman, so he came to do his EMT duty.

Basically, he sat next to me to see if I was going to need CPR at any point.

After a couple of minutes, the pain lessened.

I started to think things might not be as bad as I first thought.

EMT and Bryan actually got me into a standing position.

To the crowd of adults, I simply said, "Well, that was dramatic."

I was drug/ I hobbled over to the sidelines and the game continued without me.

After the game, I hobbled over to the picnic shelter for the team pitch-in.

That is when I heard everyone's stories of my fall.  Things like...

"I saw you go down, and I knew you weren't getting back up for a while."

"I heard your leg pop."  (Three people said this.)

"I thought you had flopped and were just faking at first."

Really helpful stuff.

The rest of the week has been full of pain meds, doctor appointments, an MRI, swelling, and time on the couch.

On Monday I will meet with the doctor again to discuss the results of the MRI.

Pray that it isn't a tear requiring surgery.

I know you are all dying to know if I beat the kid to the ball.

Yes.  Yes, I did.

*I just realized that I'm going to write just as many posts about Monday as I did about our entire week-long vacation.  I don't think that's a good  thing.

Have a lovely day!


  1. FRIST!

    So, the pigs are still alive, either in spite of or because of your vet care.

    Did you ever determine whether you were bleeding or peed yourself after the cleat to the lady bits?

    3 inches in a year is a lot. Hopefully, Buttercup will be fine, or worst-case scenario is maybe wear a brace for awhile. Don't let her read the book "Deenie" by Judy Blume.

    And you beat the kid to the ball! Go big or go home. Then check in at OrthoIndy. They always have a room waiting for you....

    1. As far as I know, yes. I have yet to see a chicken or a pig in days. They could just be keeping the sad news from me in order to not have to dispose of the dead pigs.

      I peed.

      Ha! No way. No how.

      Mama's still got game. Hopefully I still will after this little detour.

  2. Ouch. Listen. I know you're a woman and you're really really super, but you are NOT Superwoman. Give yourself a break! NOT LITERALLY THOUGH OMG.

  3. You're killing me!!!!! LMAO!!!

    Couldn't stop laughing at the "bleeding or peed yourself" through the entire post!

    Remind me never to play a game with you...I wouldn't want to leave your 6 children without a mother. ;)

    1. I couldn't stop laughing either, which didn't help the peeing problem. :)

      Ah, are you competitive, too? We'd have so much fun beating each other to a pulp.

    2. According to my family....I am competitive. Bunch of losers. Baahaahaa!!! We would have SO much fun! :D

  4. Oh, you poor thing! I will definitely pray that you don't need surgery. Heal quickly, and enjoy breakfast in bed on Mother's Day. (Your kids are providing breakfast in bed for you, right? You might actually be able to talk them into more than one day!)

    1. Thank you! I need to heal quickly. Lots going on in the next couple of months.

      They always give me breakfast in bed on Mother's Day. These days, they're going to be giving me breakfast, lunch and dinner on the couch. :)

  5. *head in hands*

    I can't even....

    I don't...




    *sigh* I hope you somehow manage to rest your leg and not make it worse chasing after pigs or children. I shall be sending prayers and warm fuzzies that you heal quickly, that you don't need surgery and that your family rally around you nicely to get things done so you can get better.

    *HUGS* Busted knees are no fun whatsoever. Nuh-uh.

    1. Tell me about it. Crazy, isn't it?

      I am doing my very best to live in a filthy house. I haven't seen much of the kids or animals, as they are being taxied about by my mom. Thank you for the well wishes and hugs.

    2. Good for your mom :) I'm glad you're being looked after.

      Also, while you have all this time NOT standing up, download WhatsApp onto your something and then I can free text you. Cos that's cool.

      Do you get airmiles from OrthoIndy? I feel like they should at least send you a Christmas present each year or something.

  6. An epic post - all three parts of it.

    Glad you managed to sort out the pigs - with or without help - and I hope your leg heals quickly.

    By the way, were you bleeding or HAD you peed yourself?? I'm still smiling at that one :)

    1. Thanks!

      Apparently, the force of landing on her leg made me pee myself. No bleeding occurred. :)

    2. Sorry to laugh at your misfortune but that's funny :) Bet you didn't think so at the time though!

  7. Truly I bow to you! Wow and that was only Monday.....It's Friday hope you rested that leg! Have a wonderful Mother's Day !!!! :) Marisa

    1. I haven't had much choice but to rest it. I still can't walk on it. I've got it propped up as much as possible every day.

      Thank you!

  8. Way to beat that kid to the ball. That'll teach him... you need anything?

    1. I know, right!

      So far, so good. I may be sending out some "help me!" signals next week, though.

  9. I can so relate to the injury parts of this post. We just can't bounce back from things like we used to. It's just they way it is. You're a trooper though as you didn't quit. Good for you.

    Have a fabulous day. :)

    1. That is an understatement. I really, really wish I could bounce back.

      Thank you!

  10. Ummmm....sorry....I got nuthin.....well ok..i WILL pray to the God of orthopedic injuries....I think hes the same one youre used to, He was apparently feeling playful on monday....

    1. Playful? I'm thinking more ornery. Or grouchy. :)

  11. So wait. Were you bleeding or did you pee yourself? Or is feeling, um... yeah, just a side effect of getting cleated in the ladybits? I am not laughing at you. I'm marveling over your ability to make another awful series of events be funny. Also, I'm kinda worried about the pigs now. Pneumonia? Yikes. Hope your knee is okay and that Buttercup's back is okay! I had a scare as a kid and ended up being able to correct it with psychical therapy and didn't need more than that. I hope it's the same for her!! And that next week is better. Happy Mother's Day!

    1. Yeah. It was pee. Knee isn't so hot. We'll be going to get an x-ray of her back in a couple of weeks. I'm hoping she won't need more than that, either.
      Thank you! Happy Mother's Day to you!

  12. That is EPICALLY horrible. From van to pigs to getting cleated and busting your knee up. Wow. I will pray for a speedy recovery, you poor woman.

  13. Enjoyed your post today. I needed a laugh.

  14. I feared you had indeed done some damage to the lady parts and was relieved to learned it was "only" a limb injury. So, let me guess; you are hobbling around on crutches? Just think of all the blogging you can do now that you are injured! Trying to find the bright side!

    1. Ha! yes, on crutches I am a hobblin'. Finally, an excuse to leave the chores undone! Hope you all are ready to do lots of reading. :)

  15. I was laughing all the way up to the ripping and tearing. I am so sorry! But you did beat the kid to the ball...

    I am so far behind this week in reading and now hearing about Buttercup having to go through the same thing as Nikki, who just went through a huge growth spurt of her own. I'll surely keep all of you in my thoughts.

  16. I messed up my knee on an obstacle corse during a competition. The was a pop a lot of pain and well a lot of naughty words. Yet, I was at a competition and my team needed me for the rest of the weekend... you needed 5 people to compete and I was the 5th, so I did it... with hardly being able to but weight on it. Totally worth it when we won several of the categories. Yet, maybe not worth never getting medical treatment and then hurting it 2 more time. Glad you sought our treatment.

  17. Oh Christine!! Like you REALLY needed THIS to happen, eh? Gosh, I just feel AWFUL FOR YOU!!! Did you get the MRI results? Oh, how I pray you didn't tear your meniscus!! (Sp??) I am just glad to have already read that the pigs are doing better, after you had to battle them for shots!! God bless you girl! What a freaking DAY!!! Totally deserves as many posts as your vacation.

  18. Oh man! What a DAY!! But, just so you feel better about it, it made me feel better from a long day of cleaning up puke and sitting here praying I don't have it too. I don't. I refuse. I can do that, right? And tomorrow I am posting all about how much funnier my life would be if it were episodes of a sitcom. It's good stuff. G'night.


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