Sunday, November 11, 2012

Monday Listicles - Secret Agent

Helloooo Monday Listicles fans!  Anja of Cocalores suggested the theme 10 Things James Bond to celebrate the 50th anniversary.  Luckily, Stasha added "or Any Secret Agent".  I've never seen a single James Bond movie, so I'd be in trouble.  Fortunately, I know plenty about secret agents.

Besides the fact that I have a friend who is in the Secret Service, I have another who is in the Air Force and has been to the Middle East many times as an information gatherer.  Plus, my dad was an undercover narcotics agent when I was little, then in charge of the undercover agents for about 8 years while I was growing up.

On with the list.

10 Secret Agent Stories:

1.  Facial hair is encouraged.  Apparently criminals have facial hair and/or trust people with facial hair.  This is a photo of my dad when he was an undercover agent.  (Just a touch creepy, no?  I have to say, a beard without a mustache is just a stupid look, unless you are Amish, of course.  I'd apologize to my Amish readers, but Amish folk don't have electricity nor read blogs the last I heard.) 


2.  Undercover agents are bold.  They have to be in such a dangerous job.  Many times they are funny with it, too.  Our Secret Service friend once offered to take a photo of some tourists.  After they handed over their camera, he spent a minute lining them up just right.  He did the countdown of 1...2...and then took off at a sprint, as if he were stealing their camera.  He ran for about 100 yards, while the tourists went crazy, before finally stopping and letting them know he was just kidding.

3.  Secret agents are just that.  Secret.  Their names will never be in the phone book.  (For my younger readers, the phone company used to have a book with everybody's phone number and address in it.)  They won't have their family info in the church directory.  It makes it a little difficult for their daughters and the boys trying to call them.

4.  It's also difficult for relatives.  My grandparents got tons of calls from people looking for my dad.  I always thought it was terrible that while we were safe and anonymous, my grandparents were out there with the wolves for any and all crazy criminals to find.

5.  One beautiful summer day, my brothers, my friend, and I went for a long walk in some woods by our house.  We ended up going much, much farther than we'd ever been before.  Farther than we should have gone, for sure.  At one point we noticed a man, but didn't pay him any mind.  At first.   When we saw him again, and then again in another spot, we were very worried that he was following us.  We took off running, but got all messed up and circled back.  We saw him one more time, but that time we saw that he was talking with another man.  My dad to be specific.  I had never been so afraid in all my life.  Not because we were actually in the vicinity of a drug dealer informant, but because I knew that if my dad saw us, we'd be dead meat.

We ran the entire way home, straight to my mom where I burst into tears and blabbed the whole story.  My mom told us that we were probably right, and there was no reason to tell my dad.  Never speak of it again. 

(Dad, if you haven't heard this story before, water under the bridge, right?  I won't be grounded over Thanksgiving will I?)

6.  Children of undercover agents have exit plans.  I was always afraid that one of the guys that my dad arrested would get out and come after us.  I thought for sure that one day during an all-school mass some guy with a gun would come in looking to kidnap us.   Why it would happen at Mass, with hundreds of witnesses, I'll never know, but that's what I thought.  Since I was the oldest, my plan included crawling under the pews (We were in a future-thinking parish that didn't have kneelers to block my way.) to collect my siblings and duck out the side door.  (I was a server and knew all the secret doorways.)  I'm happy to say that I never had to follow through with that plan.  I'm sure it would have worked, though.

7.  Undercover agents have certain advantages when raising children.  We knew that if we ever got into trouble with the law, Dad would know about it within seconds.

8.  Another advantage: props.  All parents tell their children to stay away from drugs.  Just say no and all that jazz.  My dad took us to the undercover office, opened the safe, laid out the different kinds of drugs, and said, "This is what they look like.  Now you know.  If you ever touch them, I'll hurt you."  Enough said.

9.  Children of secret agents know things their peers don't.  We frequently went to the undercover office.  I felt so important to know that the building everyone thought was just an ordinary office was sometimes, after a huge bust, stuffed to the rafters with marijuana. 

10.  Lastly, undercover agents know things the general public doesn't.  It drove me batty when my dad would tell me I wasn't allowed to spend the night at a friend's house for confidential reasons.  I remember one friend in particular.  She was allowed to come to our house as much as she wanted, but I couldn't go to hers.  I was told that he could tell me the reason when I was older.  I haven't talked to that friend since graduation, and I don't remember what it was her mom was doing that kept me from going to her house.

And to end, I want to thank my dad and my friends, veterans all, for all they did and sacrificed in order to do their jobs.  It is a hard calling, and they have done it greatly.

Have a lovely day!

42 comments:

  1. Fun!! I remember being intrigued by stories of Russian agents disguised for years as American citizens, and their family were none the wiser!

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    1. I always wondered how those spies kept the secrets from their families.

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  2. How cool is this list. My husband does something hush hush and it is great cause I never have to pretend I am listening to his work stuff ;)

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    1. Yes, I wouldn't want to know about the day-to-day things they do. Gotta say, these guys have the best stories to tell. Long after the experience, of course.

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  3. Wow, when I saw that picture of your dad I thought it was Seth Rogan!

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    1. Ha! That never crossed my mind, but now that you mention it, they could almost be related. Except, of course, Seth always has a mustache with his beard.

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  4. Wow. How very interesting. And that is a great picture of your Dad. Very Seth Rogan as an Amish spy.

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    1. They should totally make a movie like that!

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  5. Very Cool :) I hope he lets you out of your room for Thanksgiving!

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    1. Mostly, I do to. A small part of me wouldn't mind being stuck in a room all by myself with no one to ask me for things.

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    2. Wow. Could you imagine? LOL. No kids to chase after. No body wanting food or a snack or anything.... maybe I can get grounded too!

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  6. What a cool set of Listicles! That was a awesome read.

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  7. Very interesting list. And your dad does look like Seth Rogan in that photo!

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    1. I have no doubt my dad is now googling Seth and I will hear all about it at Thanksgiving.

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    2. Now that I have typed that, we really need a new word besides "googling". For the record, my dad doesn't know Seth, will not ever touch him in any way, and he certainly isn't the kind of person to google and tell.

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  8. How cool that your Dad was a secret agent! The pic is awesome!

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    1. That photo cracks me up. It was taken in a photo booth, and I was in one of the others. This one just looked more secret agentish.

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  9. Wow, fascinating list. Fascinating life!

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    1. Fascinating and scary all at the same time.

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  10. Wow, I never thought that anybody would actually come up with secret agent stories of their own! To me, secret agents are still confined to the big screen, but having a secret agent dad must be a plethora of really interesting stories! =)

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    1. I almost didn't do a list this week, seeing as how I never watched a James Bond movie. Until this morning I completely forgot that I grew up with a secret agent of sorts. Pathetic, aren't I?
      He does have some good stories.

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  11. Wow, that was interesting! But number #10 is now killing me. Can you find out the answer, please? Ellen

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    1. I asked my dad if he remembered, and he replied, "Yes. Her mom had a problem with drugs." Huh. Never would have guessed.

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  12. The undercover ones know EVERYTHING. My bff's dad was a parole officer, so he always knew the dirt on anyone in town who'd ever been brought in for any single thing.

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    1. It's really a pain in the neck, unless he's willing to dish the dirt, of course.

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  13. LOL! I jumped over here and was hoping to get to guess which myth was true. That's the list I did... so, make sure you come over and guess!

    Julia
    www.momontherunx2.net

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    1. I found a fake list to be way too difficult. I can't narrow down the number of things that don't apply to me. Plus, I've been getting all sorts of confused reading everyone else's. I'll think, "She really did these things?" and even start commenting before I catch myself and figure it out.
      I'll be getting to yours soon!

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  14. WOW!!! Interesting stuff! I did LOL at the phone book one although they did come in handy if ever you needed a booster seat. ;P

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    1. Only if you used it the right way. Sit on it incorrectly and you just ended up on the floor.

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  15. I found you through your comment on my friend and fellow blogger Angela of Monopolize's post. So enjoy your writing!

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  16. Silly autocorrect. Momopolize of course!

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    1. Ha! That autocorrect gets me all the time.

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  17. I actually have an Amish guy that follows my blog! Can you believe it? Shocked me! I'm so glad you went the Secret Agent route...always wanted to be a secret agent but I don't think I could the facial hair thing. Aaaaand I've got that whole "terrible liar" thing going against me as well...

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    1. No way! How does he do that?
      Yeah, I wouldn't want to go on Rogaine to be a secret agent either.
      If they had a secret agent that only had to lie on paper, you'd be in like flynn.

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  18. WOW your life was way more exciting than mine! But if you dad has some connections I've got a neighbor that I just don't trust maybe he can dig a little dirt be sure we are safe or if I should keep the windows and doors locked all the time. Ha {but seriously}
    I have 2 friends whose hubs are secret service and how cool but nervwracking it would be!
    Enjoyed reading you today, missed your funny stories!
    jen

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    1. The secret service life is tough for the family, for sure. Cool, but nervewracking. They do have some great stories about the presidents!

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  19. We arrived home today to find new phone books on our porch. Our daughter thought we were crazy when my husband said, "The new phone books are here!" and I suggested we open them to see if our name is inside. Google has ruined some things, I guess. On the bright side, we can look up Seth Rogan.

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    1. Stay away from the cans!!!
      I never laughed so hard as the day my dad came jumping into the house yelling "The new phone books are here! I'm somebody now!" knowing full well that his name was NOT in the phone book.
      I hate to look Seth up, too.

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