Using Gift-Giving to Teach Empathy

A big part of parenting is getting children to realize the entire world does not think like them, feel like them, or revolve around them. It is imperative to teach children to think of others and to be able to put themselves in someone else's shoes. Gift-giving has been very helpful in teaching this concept to my kids.

In this busy world we live in, giving gift cards has become the norm. While giving gift cards is easy and usually well-received, it completely takes away the chance for a child to learn. He misses out on using what he knows of the other person to make a good gift choice. He's not getting the chance to make the receiver feel special. What are the best gifts you've received? I'm going to bet they weren't gift cards.

I have discovered that being a good gift-giver is a learned skill. ((And some people never learn it.) So we have to teach our kids how to do that, too.

Kids + Christmas + a dollar store = a marvelous annual tool in the instruction of empathy and good gift-giving. 

The dollar store (NOT Dollar General. Things cost more than a dollar there.) is the perfect place to let kids loose to choose presents. Since everything in the store costs the same, it doesn't have to become a budgeting lesson, with the child having to worry about a set amount to spend. It is all about being creative and finding something the gift receiver will like. And since it's only a dollar per gift, kids can get plenty of practice, buying gifts for all siblings and both parents. It only costs $42 for all 6 of our kids to shop. Plus, the store isn't huge, so the kids don't get too overwhelmed with choices.

If you ever decide to do this, be prepared before walking into the store. Make sure your child(ren) hear more than once that this will be a shopping trip for them to buy things for other people. No one will be buying a gift for himself. Make a list of people for whom gifts will be purchased, emphasizing the fact that the child's own name is not on that list. If you have two (or more) small children, it helps to have another adult with you.

When arriving at the store, I suggest you start looking for a gift for an adult, far away from the toy aisles. Get the child in the frame of mind of shopping for someone else without the temptation of seeing all of the things he himself would like.

Questions to be asking while at the store...

What do you think Dad would like?

Why? How would he use it?

What kinds of things does Mom like to do? Can you find a gift that has something to do with that?

Is there something Sister needs? Have you heard her say she could use something?

If a child is having difficulty answering the questions, be more specific. Ask something like, "Grandma likes to bake. Can you find something she could use in the kitchen?"

If a child picks up something that is more for himself than for the receiver, ask leading questions.

Why would Brother like that? Does it seem like it would be more for someone your age instead of his? How about we look at ______, since he likes to ______".

For the kids, half the fun is sneaking around the store, making sure their siblings and parents don't see what they are buying. Having two adults is very handy for this. When it's time to buy a gift for you, hand the little one off to the other adult.

You may be surprised at how well your child does. I am always amazed at how observant the kids are and their ability to find something the receiver would actually like and use.

The best indicator I have of the success of these shopping trips?

On Christmas morning each and every year, the kids choose to open the dollar store gifts from each other before they open the gifts from us or from Santa.

What sorts of things do you do/have you done to encourage kids to put themselves in other people's shoes?

This post was written as part of the A-Z Challenge, where participants write every day of April, with the posts corresponding with the letter of the day.

Have a lovely day!

Feeding Children on the Go

If someone were to ask me what the best purchase I have ever made in my life has been, without hesitation I would say our Tupperware divided lunch boxes.

I bought them for $10 each when I was pregnant with Star.

I would have paid way, way more.

Ours are something like this.

Unfortunately, Tupperware doesn't make them anymore.

I apologize for Tupperware's inability to see the goldmine they had.

In the past 14 years, we have used them hundreds upon hundreds of times.

Here's why:

1. Money is saved. There are no baggies, as everything just gets put into the boxes. And think of the money I haven't spent on eating out!

2. Everyone eats healthier meals.

2. The boxes can be packed depending on each child's taste.

3. When it's time to eat, there isn't a bunch of time-wasting divvying up of food. Just pass out the boxes.

4. There is no concern about food being placed on dirty tables.

5. When eating outside, while a child is eating his sandwich, the lid can be closed so as not to attract flies and bees.

6. When traveling, the boxes are easily held in the kids' laps, enabling them to eat while the car is in motion.

7. The words "HE ATE THE LAST ONE AND I DIDN'T GET ANY!" or "HE GOT MORE THAN ME!" or "I WANTED THE GREEN BOX!!" are never screeched, since the food is dished out beforehand into identical boxes.

Road trip with Phoenix, Buttercup, and Star.

But what to put in those boxes??

Sandwiches, of course, are the easiest to pack. That is the usual for us. However, I've packed salads and wraps in there, too. Really, anything your kid likes to eat. (And if your kids are anything like mine, they will want to eat the same blasted thing every single day. I usually let them.)

I have packed breakfast foods in there, too. In fact, 180 school days in a row, my kids ate breakfast in the car. Scrambled eggs, cereal, bagels, french toast with syrup...it's all good.

No joke. If you have little kids and you like to picnic or need to eat on the go a lot, get these.

Well, something similar to these, seeing as how Tupperware is a doofus.

Have a lovely day!

This post is part of the A-Z Challenge, whose motto should be, "Stressing bloggers out while keeping them asking for more since 2010".

Electronics and My Enmity* for Them

Some people may feel that I'm a bit extreme.

I will own it. I'm OK with being extreme in this case, because really, I don't see a downside to being extreme.

I can't stand to see my kids playing video games.

I hate it.

I'm not a big fan of them watching TV either.

I don't hate it, but I don't like it.

Because of this, my kids' screen time is severely limited.

Severely.

As in, the little kids don't see a screen on school days. On each non-school day, they each get 30 minutes. That's it.

The big kids don't get to touch their PS4 Monday-Thursday, and they only watch TV with us after the little kids go to bed. Between homework and sports, it doesn't happen every day, and it's never for more than an hour. On Friday-Sunday, they each get to play approximately 30 minutes per day. If we're home.

The big kids do have iPods, but they only get to charge them on Sundays. When the charge runs out, they are done for the week. (The iPods are so old, they don't even hold 2 hours of charge.) With their iPods they can use Instagram and play Clash of Clans or whatever game they are currently playing.

Even though we're the ones who bought them, and we bought them 5 years ago, I still cringe every time I see them playing.

Nothing good comes from video games. The time spent on them can be better used exploring in the yard, coloring, bouncing a ball, watching a caterpillar crawl across the porch, playing a board game, dancing to the music in their own heads, reading, jumping in puddles, painting, building something with Legos, and a million other things. Things that improve motor skills, teach patience, build self-esteem, teach math concepts, encourage curiosity, and perfect social skills.

I know parents who say that playing a video game taught their 3 year olds their ABCs or watching Dora taught their kids to speak some Spanish.

I say, "Big deal!" A 3 year old may learn to identify letters from playing a video game, but it makes absolutely no difference to that child's future reading or learning skills. He would learn them anyway at an appropriate time. (From a human person, in context, I would like to add.) But he will not be able to get back the time he could have been riding a bike or creating with Play-doh. Activities that will actually help a child's brain prepare for learning in school.

You can probably guess that I don't let the kids have electronics at restaurants or waiting rooms or anywhere else in public. They need to learn how to interact with strangers, including thanking a waitress when she refills their drinks. While in a waiting room, if their noses were buried in a video game, they wouldn't see the elderly woman who doesn't have a seat, which leads to them not getting up to offer their seats. We can't have that.

"But what about when you or a child is sick?" you ask.

Yeah, the TV goes on immediately. As far as I'm concerned, screens are a tool. There needs to be a purpose for using them. If the TV is on as background noise all the time, it won't be very helpful to me when I am sick and need that TV to draw their attention and keep them from destroying the house and themselves while I suffer on the couch. Luckily, it's a rare day that I get sick.

You can also probably guess that my kids will not be getting iPhones from us. Ever. But that's a post all unto itself.

I wrote 5 different versions of this post. I'm aware that there aren't many tips in it, as my theme was supposed to be. I tried. It just wasn't working. I decided that with this post, I was just going to put my thoughts out here and give people something to think about. If you are a person who would like to cut their kids' screen time down and don't know exactly how, I'll be happy to chat with you. Send me an email or a message on FB or comment here. 

So, what are your thoughts on electronics? How much do you let your kids use them?

Have a lovely day!

*A big word I hope I used properly. It's a hard one to pronounce, so I never use it. But...it's E day.

Destination: Unknown (and Some Discoveries Revealed), TToT #94

This post, as all posts in April will be, is part of the A-Z Challenge.

As far as I'm concerned, no-plans, back-road, road trip vacations are fantastic. The opportunities to see odd and rare and fun and beautiful sites are plentiful. And you can do it all without getting stuck in a traffic jam. If something on the side of the road catches your eye, you can stop, because you don't have anywhere you have to be.

If you are thinking of taking a trip like this, keep these things in mind:

1. First and foremost, travel in the off-season in off-areas.

For the most part, people from the north (east of the Mississippi) make a beeline to Florida for spring break. Do not do a no-plans type of vacation in Florida over spring break. Go to places that are almost into their busy season. You can still get nice weather, but you will avoid the crowds if you end up going to touristy-type places. Most importantly, you will be able to find a hotel when you decide to stop.

2. Let everyone have a say in which activities you do and not do, but adults get final say.

Most of my children are not fans of history tours through old mansions, so we have agreed to skip these on our spring break trips. Most of my kids wanted to try stand-up paddle boarding, but I made the executive decision that the water was way too cold.

3. Make sure everyone knows the most important rule of the road trip: Even if an activity isn't one of your choosing, you will not pout. You will find a way to have fun doing the activity.

'Cause this is vacation, and you are going to have fun whether you like it or not!

It works best if you say this with a smile on your face and sarcasm in your voice. :)

4. Bring a lot of (healthy) food.

Yes, it saves some money you would normally spend on all those lunches, but it also really, really helps when you are on some teeny, tiny little road with no restaurant and your 6 kids are about to eat each others' arms off. And make it healthy, because it's a lot harder to find healthy in restaurants. We pack applesauce, fruit cups of mandarin oranges, pineapple, or peaches, raisins, peanuts, sunflower seeds, cheese sticks, apple slices, clementines, grapes, carrots, and hard boiled eggs. We also have pseudo-healthy granola bars (of various brands and flavors), fruit leather, pretzels with peanut butter to dip, and cracker snack packs.

5. Pack properly.

When taking this sort of trip, you will sleep someplace different almost every single night. Dragging the entire contents of the van into a motel each night, especially after a long day of fun, is just plain miserable. Help yourself out. Pack smart.

I packed 10 bags for this trip.

Inside one gigantic bag were 7 smaller bags, each containing all of one person's socks, underwear, pajamas, and bathing suit. A second bag held toiletries, shampoo, Band-aids, and meds. These two bags came in every night.

Bag 3: one pair of shorts and one t-shirt for each person
Bag 4: one pair of long pants and one long-sleeved shirt for each person
Bag 5: one pair of long pants and one short-sleeved shirt for each person
Bag 6: one pair of shorts and one t-shirt for each person

Etc. Etc.

This system has two benefits. First, only one of these bags needs to be brought in, and you choose it depending on the next days' weather. Secondly, once everyone is dressed in the morning, the dirty clothes from the day before can be put it the now-empty bag. There is absolutely no mixing of the stinky and the fresh.

OK, now that you know how to travel, I'll let you in on some of the places we found last week.

Blanche Manor in Copper Hill, Tennessee

This place is wonderful. The staff at the horse barn was kind, fun, helpful, and patient. The trails were interesting (We were able to trot and go through a stream, as well as up and down some serious inclines.) and the view was pretty.

This is also where we managed to stay in a yurt. (Well, with 8 of us, we needed both of their yurts.) The rooms and bathrooms were clean, the heaters kept us warm when the temps dipped down overnight, there is a hot tub on the deck, where you can see the sun rise, and there are no TVs or WiFi to distract the kids.

We loved it. However, we did make the observation that if other people were renting the bunk house nearby, or if we only had one yurt and another family had the other, it wouldn't have been quite as nice. Having the whole mountaintop to ourselves made the experience that much better.

The boys' horses started nipping at each other while we stopped for a photo. Ages 7 and up can ride the horses. There are ponies (that are taken in more than just a circle) for the younger kids.

The view from the yurt.

Wits and Wagers, one of the best games for parties or big families.

Fields of the Wood, middle of nowhere Tennessee, (30 minutes from Ducktown, which is a small town with a fascinating history and a sandwich/pizza place called Copper Station that has delicious food)

This is a park run by the church across the street.

That would be the 10 Commandments on that there far hill. 

from above the 10 Commandments, from left to right are the prayer walk, the gift shop/bathrooms, baptismal pool, replica of Jesus's tomb, and Golgotha (where the kids were standing in the other photo)

We did the prayer walk, and when we reached the top I asked the kids if they noticed anything. They all gave me a look like they were trying to come up with the right way to say what they were thinking. I helped them out. "It's not exactly Catholic is it?" They breathed a sigh and agreed. We then had a small chat about how it was OK. We can still learn things and appreciate what is offered. We Christians all agree that the 10 Commandments are rules to live by, and that Jesus did die and rise for us.

Route 64, which runs across the bottom of Tennessee


It is one of the most beautiful drives I've ever taken. I was actually perturbed that I was the one driving, because I couldn't look around much. (The road is really, really curvy.) I just kept hearing people say, "Oh, look at that!"

We just happened across this park while driving along Rte. 64. We spent over an hour in the river hopping from rock to rock. That's my mom on the bridge, which leads to some hiking trails. The kids were a bit bummed that the alarms didn't go off to alert people in the river to get the heck out, as the dam was being opened and would be flowing through this area shortly.


Lookout Mountain, Chattanooga, Tennessee

When driving into Chattanooga, signs advertising for Ruby Falls and Lookout Mountain are everywhere. The admission for these two places was ridiculously high, and the reviews had lots of people saying it wasn't worth it. One lone reviewer said to keep driving past Ruby Falls and head to Point Park. It is only $3 and you get the same, if not better, view. We would have to agree with that guy.

Plus, besides the view, there weren't gobs of workers there to herd us from place to place. We were free to roam. Within reason.

To top it off, there was a hiking trail. The kids decided they wanted to take Craven's Trail and hike halfway down the mountain.

The village that time forgot, middle of nowhere, Tennessee

We stopped at this little village's gas station, (Another tip for back roads vacations: Fill up the tank whenever you get the chance!) and it took me a minute to open the door to get out of the van. When I finally did, I saw that a guy was there, and he was taking my gas cap off. I was baffled. I asked, "Are you going to pump my gas?" "Yes," he replied.

I closed the door and looked at my mom. "There's a guy out there who said he would pump it for me. Do you think he works here?"

Another car pulled up and the elderly gentleman sauntered over and started pumping that guy's gas, too.

After we paid and were pulling out of the lot, we saw the sign:

That's the guy!

Seriously, when was the last time you saw a full service gas station?!!?!? I think I was 16.

Stone Mountain, Atlanta, Georgia

We were originally in Atlanta to go to Six Flags, which is a giant amusement park with lots of big roller coasters. Unfortunately, it is only open on weekends, and that weekend was rainy and cold. We found something else to do.

There is a place called Stars and Strikes, which is one of those bowling alley/arcade games/laser tag places. On the day we were there, the specials were 99 cent bowling in the morning, and $1.99 laser tag in the evening. So, we bowled in the morning...

went to Stone Mountain in the afternoon...

(where I discovered that Stone Mountain Park has a whole lot more than the touristy mountain and little "village". There's a whole, beautiful park!)

I'm sure it's beautiful when it isn't 55 degrees and raining.

and played laser tag in the evening.

I would have taken a photo for you, but I was way too busy trying not to be shot by lots and lots of kids, some of whom weren't even mine.

All for WAY less than Six Flags would have cost. :)

Escape Experience in Chattanooga, Tennessee

This was one of the best things we did last week. Phoenix would say it was THE best. Basically, up to 10 people (it was us and a couple we had never met) are handcuffed together and locked in a "cell" (that had no bars but a steel door). The team is given 60 minutes to use the clues in the room to get themselves out. 58% of teams do NOT make it out.

IT WAS SO MUCH FUN!!

It was pricey, but I would do it again if given the choice.

As you can see by the sign and our smiling faces, we made it out with almost 17 minutes to spare.

And I am thankful for all of it.

Have a lovely day!

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With This Many Kids, Ya Gotta Get Creative When You Clean

We spend a lot of time running hither and yon in the van. Since we live 20 minutes from school (30 from the high school) it isn't always feasible to run home before heading to an activity.

This means lots and lots and lots of junk ends up in my van.

Water bottles.

Books.

Shoes.

Balls.

Food containers.

Crayons.

Hats.

Toys.

Oh, the list goes on and on.

The kids' hands are always full when they leave the van, but unfortunately, they don't have 10 hands each to actually be able to get everything in one trip.

And two trips are considered cruel and unusual, especially in the winter.

(We have no garage, you see.)

When I can no longer open the side door without something falling on my foot, it means a cleaning-out is necessary. Yet the van is huge, and climbing around to gather everything is a pain. Literally.

My solution?

It came from my experiences of coming to a light that turns yellow at just the wrong time. Speed through or slam on the brakes.

(12-passenger vans don't stop quickly, you see.)

It's the slamming of the brakes part that is helpful.

On cleaning out the van day, I make a point of picking up speed as I make my way up the driveway.

At the end, I make a nice, solid slam of the brakes.

All of the flotsam and jetsam in the van comes flying to the front.

I simply need to grab a bag and pick it up.

No climbing over, under, and on the seats is necessary.

While I really, truly do this to clean out my van, I understand that this might not be all that helpful for most of you. For you, there are posts that give seriously helpful cleaning tips.

Cleaning with vinegar

and other eco-freindly ways to clean

Lay it on me. What are your favorite cleaning tips?

Have a lovely day!

Bikes! (and Making Bike Rides Easier for You)

When I was a kid, I wasn't all that concerned with learning to ride a bike without training wheels. Our house was surrounded by evil dogs in the front (which prevented me from playing in our driveway), two families that our family hung out with in the back, and a neighborhood park with mature trees, a fabulous sledding hill, and a playground on the side. There wasn't really a need for me to ride a bike. There was no place to go.

One day, my sister (younger than me by a year and a half) came home from spending the night at a friend's house. She asked to have the training wheels taken off of her bike. I still clearly remember standing on the sidewalk as she jumped on the bike and rode down the sidewalk.

She had the nerve to learn to ride a bike at her friend's house while I sat at home completely unaware.

I, being a ridiculously competitive person, couldn't stand for my younger sister to be able to do something as momentous a thing as ride a bike while I stood on the sidewalk watching. As soon as she stopped, I grabbed the bike and took my turn.

It wasn't pretty.

It wasn't straight.

But I rode that bike without falling on my face.

Unfortunately, my kids didn't learn how to ride their bikes at a friend's house nor on their own to prove their worthiness. I had to teach them. 

Recently, we had Turken out for the first time without training wheels. I basically do what these people say to do.

Start by getting the feeling of trying to balance

Practice balancing while coasting downhill

Start trying to pedal while coasting downhill. This is the step that includes some falling.

Impatient parent scraps the plan and goes with helping child to balance/choke the child.

Go back to original plan.

He managed to ride all the way down the hill by himself several times.

And moved on to trying on flat ground. He's almost got it!

What I want to help you with, though, is how to avoid becoming a crazy person when you go for a walk and let your new bike rider ride his bike.

You know, the crazy person who runs behind the bike rider screaming, "SLOW DOWN!" and "WAIT FOR ME!" and "FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, STOOOOOOOP!"

The rules are simple.

1. I give the kids a landmark where they must stop. Examples are the second mailbox, the purple flowers, or the driveway with the red car.

2. They ride ahead as fast as they want to go.

3. They reach the landmark and stop.

4. They wait for me to get to the landmark or ride back to me.

5. When I get to the landmark, I give them another one.

6. Repeat steps 2-5 until you make it back to your house.

The first time you do this, and you watch your child pedaling off away from you, your heart will be thumping in your throat. You will probably be praying the entire time...Please stop. Please stop. Pleasestoppleasestoppleasestoooooooop!

And then he will.

Stop, that is.

I have been using this...this...strategy?...for 13 years, and not just with bike riding. When we hike, play at the playground, leave preschool, or do anything in which the kids want to run ahead, we do the landmark thing. In all of that time, through 6 kids, they have always stopped. Even before they were old enough to ride a bike. (Every once in a while, they get a bit confused by the directions and stop at the wrong thing, but they always stop.) And so have their friends.

Just make sure you explain it to them and practice it in a safe area. Perhaps on a sidewalk or the park.

If you try it, let me know how it goes!

How did you learn to ride a bike? How did you teach your kids?

Have a lovely day!

Anger. Ours. Not Theirs.

Phoenix is probably the most even-tempered person I've ever known. It takes a LOT to get him worked up about anything. As a child, he threw maybe 5 temper tantrums. Easy, easy, easy. And in my young, naive idiocy, I thought it had something to do with me.

Buttercup was a tiny baby, and Phoenix was 18 months. We were visiting with a friend who had a son Phoenix's age, and we moms were discussing the way we discipline the boys. The following words actually came out of my mouth...

"I can't even imagine getting angry with him and raising my voice to yell at him."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

As a seasoned mom, I know better.

I know what children can do to make us moms lose our gourds.

As one friend said (a different, more seasoned, funnier friend) about her crazed look, furrowed brow, and wild eyes, "I did not look like this before I had kids!"

Children can be maddening and infuriating, and what maddens and infuriates each of us is different.

I have an abundance of patience when taking care of little kids. I don't get rattled by much when it comes to toddlers and preschoolers.

(Except for extreme cases like Giant. He about sent me over the edge as a toddler and preschooler. (Read that post if you have a strong-willed, volatile child.))

With older kids, I have a harder time keeping calm. In theory, I know they are learning and growing just as much as toddlers, but in practice...they are as big or bigger than me. Surely they know better! 

But they don't.

So today I will give you some ideas on how to stay calm, cool, and collected in the face of horribly behaved kids.

1. The very first thing I have to do is make sure the child is actually behaving horribly. At first glance, things may look bleak, but by stopping and trying to see what is actually going on, the anger might melt away.

I once had all four little kids at a store purchasing kids' clothes. We were in the checkout line, and I was busy keeping the baby and toddler happy. When I looked down, I saw that Buttercup had DESTROYED the endcap display. It was hangers and hangers full of socks, and she had taken off almost every single one. My first instinct was to yell at her for making such a mess, but thankfully I instead stopped and calmly asked her what she was doing. She replied, "They are messed up. The blue ones on the back should be up here on this hanger." In her mind, she wasn't making a mess. She was cleaning up the mess some clumsy adult had made. I just can't get mad at that.

2. I must examine the root of my anger. Is it the child's behavior or my exhaustion/being overwhelmed/irritation with someone else the problem?

Recently, Cuckoo and I were at the school playground waiting for the big kids to finish school. His first trip down the slide ended in him sliding through a puddle and landing on the dirt at the end. He was a sopping wet, muddy mess. When he landed, I let out a guffaw of laughter, yelled, "Whoops!" and went to see just how naked he was going to have to be for the ride home. 

A woman I barely know (whose oldest is in kindergarten) said to me, "That is far from the reaction I would have had if it were my kid", implying that she would have been angry in the same situation. 

I used to go there. When a child makes a mess (or is the mess), my mind goes straight to the that's-just-one-more-thing-I-have-to-do-that-I-don't-have-time-for. But after hundreds of such messes, I've come to realize that my anger is ludicrous. The child didn't mean to slide into a mud puddle/spill his cereal/fall on the playground and rip his pants/drop the milk jug/run through the house excited to tell me something, leaving a trail of dog poo that was stuck to his shoe on the kitchen floor. Getting mad at him simply makes him less likely to slide down slides/eat/play at recess/get excited to tell me something.

3. Read the Bible.

I will never forget the day...

That morning, I had opened my Bible and just randomly started reading some Scripture. I landed on Proverbs 14. "He that is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly." I didn't think much of it, but said a prayer and went about my day.

While I was making lunch, the kids were in the "running room" (aka living room without a lick of furniture) around the corner. They were not running, but were happily playing. I went around to tell them that their food was ready, only to discover that they had been using this time to draw all over the walls with markers.

Normally, I would have lost it, but that day, the verse I had read just hours before popped into my head. I stopped, did some deep breathing and praying to God to help me not be foolish, then dealt with the situation. Not once did I raise my voice or lose my cool. 

4. Give the child a hug.

Many years ago, I once told a friend that when I'm angry and just don't know what to do, I simply hug the kid. She jokingly asked, "Why, so you can squeeze him to death?"

No.

Though the thought does cross my mind.

Honestly, I give him a hug simply so I can physically feel how small he really is. When I remember this, I can then remember that an angry adult can do some terrible damage to someone so little. With my words as well as my hands. 

This also works for a teenager, but for different reasons. Since the teens are as big or bigger than me, I don't feel how small they are. Instead, it throws them off. They either are so stunned they hug back, which will of course calm me down, or they wiggle away, which then turns into a joke and I hang on harder and we end up laughing a bit.

5. When all else fails, get the heck out of the room.

As I have told my children countless times, good choices are not made in a fit of rage. We will almost always regret the things we say or do to another person when we are angry. Leaving the room to calm down is the best option. Always. It doesn't mean the other person wins. It doesn't mean you condone the other person's behavior. It simply means a break is needed in order to solve the problem rationally.

I wish I could say that I've never yelled at a child. I wish I could say that I've never slapped a child.

I can't.

I get angry sometimes.

I sometimes do things and say things I regret.

It doesn't happen often, but it has happened.

And when I have done these things, I've done what I expect my kids to do.

I apologize. 

And I do my absolute best to learn from it and do better next time.

Now it's your turn.

What do you do when you get angry at your children?

What helps you get a handle on your emotions?

I want to hear!

Have a lovely day!