I Do More By 6:35 Than Most People Do By Ever

5:55  The alarm goes off.  I head downstairs to get things ready for breakfast while COW gets the kids up.

5:57  While looking down at the counter, a think I see a shadow go across.  I look up, see nothing, go on with what I was doing.

6:01  Star comes downstairs and says, "There's a bat flying around in our room," then sits down to eat some cereal like nothing happened.

6:02  COW comes downstairs with Turken and asks if we want to take care of it now or later.  I answer "NOW!" because that was a dumb question.  When else would we take care of it??  I think he meant he wanted me to take care of it after he left the house.

6:03  COW gets the (what normal people use to catch butterflies) net, handed it to me, and went to take a shower.

6:04  Net in hand, I tentatively opened their door a crack.  Nothing.  No bat flying around.  I searched the room to no avail.

6:07  I gave up the search and headed downstairs to move breakfast along.

6:08  Turken is sitting at the counter crying, because no one will put milk in his cereal.  When I shoot a questioning glance at the big kids, Phoenix responds, "Mostly because we don't understand what a whiney ahwahahejahehalsd means."  Touche.

6:09  Giant breaks in with, "It's like I woke up in a cops movie.  Dad woke us up and told us to stay down.  We were to stop, drop, and roll our way to the door, because the bat was flying so low.  It was so low, I had to wait for it to fly to the other side of the room before I could crouch down and get around Star's bed."

6:11  Buttercup enters the kitchen and says, "I had to use the upstairs bathroom, because the downstairs one is clogged."

6:13  Giant says, "I wish today was Dress Like Your Parents Day.  I'd go in carrying a net and a plunger."

6:15-6:20  The boys get dressed for school in their room without batting an eye.

6:20  I drove Phoenix to meet his carpool.

6:26  I return home to find the rest of the family at the door waiting to leave.

6:35  I head upstairs to find the boys' room door and my bedroom door closed.  Apparently, COW closed the boys' door to make sure the bat didn't go out, then closed ours just in case it did.  I looked in the boys' room again, but still no bat.

As I write this, we have at least one bat in the house.  Could be two, since whatever caused that shadow over the counter wouldn't have had time to make it upstairs before the upstairs bat was discovered.

I have no idea where it/they are.

I have two thoughts about the bat situation:

1.  What does it say about us that not one person even flinched about a bat loose in the house?

2.  I do not want anyone in my family to be this guy:

How has your day started?

Regardless, I hope you have a lovely day!

UPDATE:

8:48pm  Still no sight of the bat.  The boys and I searched their room.  We stripped their beds, looked behind every curtain and piece of furniture, inside every closet.  No bat.

9:02  I left them with a kiss and a "let me know if it shows up".

10:14  Sitting at my computer downstairs, COW sick in bed, I hear a bang and someone running down the stairs.  Phoenix says, "It's back."

10:15  Wielding my butterfly net, I turn on the light in the boys' room and see it circling around.  Star stays in bed, hiding under his blanket.  Giant never wakes up.  I watch it swoop for a bit to figure out it's pattern, then swing.  Caught it in one swish of the net.  I grabbed a notebook which just happened to be near me, trapped the bat in the net, and took it outside.  It flew away, making for one happy bat and a house full of happy people.

An Introless Ten Things of Thankful, Week 32

1.  I am thankful to be a stay-at-home mom.  It is the only job I've actually stuck with for more than 2 years.  I love it for a whole slew of reasons, but another was pointed out to me today.  Buttercup was telling me about next week's Catholic Schools' Week activities.  On Tuesday, they are supposed to dress up as one of their parents or grandparents.  One friend said she was going to wear a bullet-proof vest and be her dad.  Another friend said she was going to wear a suit like her mom.  Buttercup said, "I'm going to wear sweats and my robe and go as my mom."  That's right, Sister!

2.  I am thankful for Cuckoo's crazy hair.  The sight of his bedhead brightens my every morning.

Sorry, this was the best view I could get.  He wasn't real keen on getting a photo taken this morning.

3.  I am thankful for COW's ability to catch mice.  There was one living in my van.  It was living in the lap of luxury, with a warm(ish) place to escape the vortex, plenty of paper all over the floor with which to build a nest, and a gigantic bag of dog food on which to dine.  I am very grateful that COW trapped it before it could invite its friends for a party.

4.  I probably mentioned this before, but I'm so glad to have kids old enough and responsible enough to babysit.  Both Star and Giant had basketball games on the same night at the same time at two different schools.  Knowing we wouldn't get home until way after the little boys' bedtimes, we left Buttercup home to put them to bed.  I am so grateful that she is not only good at taking care of them, but doesn't mind doing it.

5.  I am thankful to have found a new doctor and have an appointment scheduled for next week.  The blood tests will be taken and another thing will be checked off my to-do list.

6.  I am thankful for my boots.  I have worn them just about every single day since 2014 started.  Bass should start selling them as anti-vortex boots.  The best part is that I bought them 2 or 3 years ago for $20.

7.  I am thankful for Star's ability to do a science fair project on his own.  Have I mentioned I strongly dislike science fairs?  As in I'd rather have 25 vials of blood taken out of my earlobe than help with another science fair. This year, Star has to do one, and I've barely noticed.  He's found times to test his subjects without any help.  The only thing he's asked from me is the purchase of a tri-fold board.  My pleasure, Favorite Child.

8.  I am thankful for handwritten notes by children just learning how to read and write.  Turken, knowing he's not allowed to interrupt me when I'm on the phone, has begun writing notes and handing them to me.  This is the most recent one...

He's trying to ask if he can put his shoes on to start getting ready to leave.

Cuckoo doesn't have the benefit of age and the ability to read, but he is quite good at spelling words phonetically for a 4 year old.  Today, he was drawing pictures of people and putting their names over the heads.  He spelled "Matthew" exactly the way he says it.  "MAFWU"  Learning to write phonetically is quite difficult when you have yet to master speech.

9.  I am thankful for our mud room.   If you will recall, one year ago we did a gigantic kitchen remodel and added on a mud room.  This addition has changed my life.  I look at my mudroom, with the muddy boots and the thawing chicken waterer and the mud and chicken poo and chicken feathers drug in with it and think, "Good heavens, all of this used to come directly into my kitchen!  How did I live like that?!?!?!"

10.  I am thankful for helpful folks who will drop anything to rescue a damsel in distress.  (Oh hush, I can to be a damsel!)  When I originally wrote this post, I had written, "I'm thankful our cars have started every morning despite the cold."  Yeah, I had to change that, seeing as how it is no longer true.  Cuckoo and I climbed in the van to pick Turken up from kindergarten, only to find that the battery was frozen.  A neighbor came over immediately to jump my car and a friend grabbed Turken from school for me.  A problem that could have been a huge pain in my rear was solved in 15 minutes.

11.  I am thankful for my book club.  We were finally able to get together Friday night after months of not getting together, We even got to see the one book club member who moved to Japan thanks to the magic of modern technology and facetime.  We had read a wonderful book (The Orphan Train) but didn't discuss it for a single minute.  We just spent 4 hours catching up and laughing and enjoying each other's company.

12.  I am thankful for all of you wonderful people who voted and showed support for me.  My ego is going to have to be taken down a notch after all the nice things you said about the blog and all the nice things you did to make sure I got lots of votes. Melody (the one who nominated me) said some of my posts have made her laugh so hard, the orange juice she was drinking came out of her nose.  While I'm glad I can make people laugh, I am very sorry if I have caused anyone pain.  Orange juice out the nose does not sound pleasant.  (If you have no idea what I'm talking about, go here.)  Yes, Mom and Dad, you are allowed to vote, too.

Your turn.  What happy things happened for you this week?

Have a lovely day!

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The Polar Vortex, Part Deux. It Isn't Completely Miserable

I have no doubt you have heard plenty of complaining and whining and "I'm so blankety-blank sick of this blankety-blank cold and this blankety-blank snow!"-ing.  Much of it on this blog.  Well, there will be no more of that nonsense!  Yes, it's mind-numbingly cold.  Yes, it's stupidly windy.  Yes, the snow has gone waaay past the point of pretty.  For Pete's sake, it's winter.  We just need to suck it up and get over our cold selves.  Embrace the vortex!  To help you along with this, because I know many of you are going to need a lot of help with this, I have come up with...

Sure, the button thing isn't exactly easy to read, but it's an improvement from past attempts!

1.  There are opportunities for plenty of exercise.  The obvious is the shoveling, and when you live out in the middle of nowhere, there is plenty of it.  A polar vortex is a constant battle between the shoveler and the ferocious wind blowing all the snow onto the newly shoveled areas.  So far, the score is PolarVortex-134, Coop Family-0.  That is a whole mess of exercise!  But don't forget the other, less obvious exercise opportunities, like the "push a shopping cart through the snow- and slush-covered parking lot to your car parked 300 yards away because you chose to grocery shop at the same time as the rest of storm-fearing humanity did".  And I'd be remiss if I failed to mention the muscle-toning which occurs during the "clench those gluteus maximus/upper thigh/kegel muscles as your van slides all willy-nilly through intersections and around turns".  Plenty of ways to build muscle and work up a good sweat.

2.  The snow being blown through the cracks in the storm windows by the ferocious wind makes the cobwebs between the inside window and the storm window so very, very pretty.

3.  There is remarkable satisfaction from the sight of your teens, who believe proper outerwear to be cumbersome and ugly and exceptionally uncool, shivering their barelegged, coatless keisters off.

4.  The number of science experiments to do in the sub-zero cold are limitless.  Our favorites so far are the popular Throw Boiling Water in the Air and See What Happens trick and the less-known How Long Does It Take for Saliva to Freeze on Your Teeth? trial.  (The answer today was .002 seconds.  Smiling outside is frowned upon.)

 5.  You have a better chance of not stepping in dog poop when you do have to go outside.  Even if your dogs are like mine, who prefer to poop in the less-deep snow on the walkway to the house, you should be able to avoid the poo bombs.  Brown shows up really, really well on the snow.  On a related note, you will also be able to tell if your dog is dehydrated or not.  (This one's kinda subtle. Don't eat the yellow snow?)

6.  You will get a better understanding of scenes from your favorite books.  There is one book I remember reading long ago, where the pioneer family had to tie a rope connecting the back door to the barn so they wouldn't get lost on their way back and forth during the storms.  Last night, coming into the house from the car, I was wishing for such a rope.  The wind was blowing so hard, the snow was actually going back up into the air, causing a white-out that tried to take me off my course to the front door.  In short, pioneers were tough cookies.

7.  You get plenty of use out of all those clothes hanging in your closet/stuffed in your drawers.  In order to stay warm, layering is required.  Getting to wear three or four shirts at one time really helps in the cost/use formula.

8.  Those extra pounds you put on during the holidays are being put to good use keeping your organs nice and cozy.  Just like the pipes in your home, the "pipes" in your belly need to be insulated from the cold.  Just imagine how ugly it would be if your internal organs froze and burst!

9.  Each day is a new adventure.  Will school be closed?  Will there be a 2 hour delay?  Will the car start?  Will I be able to find the driveway?  How many lights will I slide through?  Will I be able to make it through another day with the kids underfoot?  Will we have enough ingredients to make French toast?  It all makes life interesting.  And blogworthy.

10.  It makes the one sunshiny day of 33 degrees feel like you are on a vacation in Florida.  Who doesn't like to vacation in Florida?  Break out the beach toys, sunscreen and the flip-flops, and enjoy the fresh air.  Or just take a jog around the neighborhood and get really muddy.  Either one.

My kids, not my neighborhood.

To all my friends and family living through this ridiculous weather, stay warm and keep those spirits up.  Spring will come eventually.  To all my friends and family living in the south, having to endure *gasp* 30 degree temperatures, grab a blanket.  You'll be fine.

Have a lovely day!

****News flash! ****

It was just announced that I have been nominated for a Sheenazing Award in the funniest blog category.

      The Sheenazing Blogger Awards get their name from Venerable Fulton J. Sheen, who was amazing at using the newest forms of media to communicate the beauty of the Catholic Church and his love of Christ to the world. They are a fun way to celebrate the excellence of the Catholic blogosphere and honor Venerable 

 It's quite exciting, even though the chance of me winning against these rock stars of blogging is slim to none.  You may know many of the other ladies nominated in all categories, so head on over to A Knotted Life and vote for your favorites!

Now, for real, have a lovely day!

Monkey Business

We're going to get sippy cups!

I think those might be napkins stuck inside regular cups.

There will be 2 cakes!

Um, that's just a photo.  It is not reality.

I just want Claire to come.  No one else.

Well, that would be called a date, not a party, and you're too young for that.  We have to invite other people.

I don't want Turken.  He'll just do what I do.

Too bad.  Your brother will be coming.

But it's MY party.

Not if you're going to be unkind it won't.

Have you talked to the person about when the party will be yet?

No.  It's not open yet.

Do you know where it is?

Yes, basically.

How do you know?

There's a map on the back of the brochure.

There's two maps.

We're going to the top one.

Do they both have the same things?

Yes.

Even the throne?

Yes.

And I'll get two cakes?

No.  Just one.

How do you know?

Because I'll be bringing it.  They only give us the ice cream.

How long will we be there?

Two hours.

Two whole hours???

Yes.

When are we going?

I don't know.  I haven't called them to schedule it yet.

Call them.

I can't until we make sure your friends can go.

I only want Claire.

We've been through this.

It says "Be a Monkey".

Yes, it does.

Know how I know?

No, I don't.

Phoenix told me.

That was nice of him.

I'm going to bring my monkey to the party.

Absolutely, yes, you are.

.........................................................................................................................

One little dollar raffle ticket with Cuckoo's name on it was placed in the basket in front of the local bounce house birthday party package.

That one little dollar raffle ticket was chosen as the winner.

That one little winning raffle ticket is the cause of my headache.

The only time Cuckoo has stopped talking about this party is when he is asleep.

There is just one big problem.

Cuckoo's birthday isn't until the end of August.

I cannot talk about and be excited for a bounce house party for 7 months straight.

For the first time in the Coop's history, we will celebrate a half birthday.

Yes, February sounds like a great month for a party.

And that deranged-sounding monkey that screeches instead of ooh-ooh-ah-ahs?  Cuckoo will most certainly be bringing it to the party.   It will be the perfect place to "accidentally" lose it.

Have a lovely day!

Don't Ever Say I Don't Listen to My Readers

Children of the World,

When someone is in the kitchen making a meal for you, leave her the heck alone!

Heed this warning, or you, too, will have eggshells for dinner.

To everyone on my case during the TTOT...happy now?

Have a lovely day!

I'm Old, But I'm Alive, TToT Week 31

I am grateful for what I am and have. 

My thanksgiving is perpetual... 

O how I laugh when I think of my vague indefinite riches. 

No run on my bank can drain it 

for my wealth is not possession but enjoyment.

Henry David Thoreau

My thankfuls for the week:

1.  The moon and snow have saved my life.  It's too long and boring to explain our house's floor plan.  Suffice it to say, if that moon wasn't out, and the snow wasn't there to reflect it, I would have killed myself on one of my many walks to the little boys' room or down the stairs in the pitch black of the night.

On a related note, as soon as the wind dies down and the snow stops, COW will be on a 30-ft. ladder to replace the front porch light bulbs.

2.  Buttercup and Phoenix finally have pants to wear to school.  Buttercup hasn't grown out of hers as much as she's destroyed them.  She was down to one pair that fit and didn't have a gigantic hole in them. We got to the mall and found some new ones for her pretty easily. Phoenix has completely outgrown the pants I bought him on the first day of school, to the point where even he was self-conscious about how short they were.  I was finally able to find some online at The Gap.  Let's hope these last him through the end of the year.

3.  I was able to keep my cool this week, despite severe antagonizing by my tired, grouchy children who are not the least bit happy about having to get up at 6:00 each morning after 3 weeks of not getting up at 6:00 each morning.

4.  My house is getting cleaned up and out, thanks to Lisa's post about removing distractions and working on decluttering for a mere 15 minutes each day.  It is amazing how doing little bits each day adds up to great big things over time.

5.  All five kids had great report cards.  I'm especially happy with Star's.  It seems watching his older siblings lose their minds during their 7th grade years, when they decided doing homework wasn't all that important, as long as they did well on tests, made an impression.  The boy has not lost his mind, and has even done better than he did in 6th grade.

6.  My kids really like to read.  Sure, it comes with a gigantic price tag in the form of library fines, but all of that reading is a huge contributor to those great report cards.

7.  The big kids will wrestle with the little kids.  When the big kids were the little kids and we lived in our old house, we had a big family room with not one piece of furniture in it.  Each night, that is where we spent our time, wrestling and just having fun being silly.  Now, COW and I are old.  Wrestling with us isn't what it used to be.  As I type this, I can hear Phoenix, Buttercup, Turken, and Cuckoo in the other room, giggling up a storm, wrestling and beating the tar out of each other.

8.  I am alive.  On Thursday, we had some more snow.  There wasn't much, but the roads were pretty well covered. On the drive to pick Turken up from school, I was taking my time, driving cautiously.  The light turned yellow, so I slowed down.  By the time it turned red, I should have had more than enough time to stop.  Unfortunately, the weight of the van and the slickness of the road combined to prevent me from doing so.  I slid 25 yards and right on through the intersection.   Thank God there were no cars coming.

9.  I got to spend some fun time with Bible study friends on Friday afternoon.  We always have lots of fun, many times laughing so hard we have to wipe tears away.  An odd thing about the group, though, is the age difference.  (It came up today (don't ask how) that I am the only one who is old enough to remember Luke and Laura's wedding.)  With these women, I get to share some tricks of the mom trade.  They seem to find all this weird knowledge and odd tips floating around in my head to be useful.  Today's lesson was on keeping kids' socks and underwear straight.  (Each child (and adult, now that the kids are as big as us.) has his/her own brand of white socks and his/her own brand of underwear.  Sorting is as simple as tossing each brand into its own pile and handing to the owner.)

10.  My family finally understands and follows the rules around here.  Take tonight for instance.  I was quickly putting a salad together, and jazzing it up with carrots, cucumbers and hard-boiled eggs.  There was lots of noise and commotion all around, with people setting the table and talking to me.  At one point, Giant gasped as he saw what I was doing.  There, in the salad, were the egg shells from the hard-boiled egg I was peeling.  I was dropping them right on top of the lettuce instead of the compost bucket.

Immediately, COW and 4 kids started yelling, "Blog post!  Get the camera!"  Someone grabbed me so I couldn't clean up the mess, another grabbed the camera and got the photographic evidence.

I couldn't have been more proud, even though I was the one getting called out.  Crossing my fingers they now remember to do this when COW does something dumb.

Your turn!

Have a lovely day!

OOOOHHHHH!!!!  Hold up!!  Once again, we have another announcement.  Dear Joy will no longer be able to co-host, so we are happy to have Lisa (the one from the decluttering up above) as our new co-host.

Welcome, welcome!

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What Do the Contents of Your Bathroom Cabinet Say about You?

Let's play a game.

A stranger has to put a bio together about you, but the only clues he has to work with are the contents of your bathroom cabinet.  What would he have to say about you?

According to my bathroom cabinet, I am a new mother with lots of facial hair.  I am a vain woman, concerned about the appearance of my curly hair and the color of my lips.  I have ridiculously dry skin and eat lots of salad and broccoli. I hate to wear shoes, and choose to go barefoot as often as possible.  I travel.  A lot.  I am concerned about running out of soap, but not toilet paper.  I get bad cramps.

I can explain the 2 curling irons, a straightener, hair dryer, and 8 bottles/cans of hair product.  I have crazy curly hair and a penchant for getting mullets.

I can explain the 28 itty bitty bottles of shampoo and conditioner and 11 itty bitty bars of soap.  COW is stingy, making sure to abscond with the items every time he stays in a hotel, yet not stingy enough to actually use the items he insists on taking once we are home.

I can explain the 10 toothbrushes and 15 dental floss samples.  I always keep toothbrushes on hand for kids who spontaneously spend the night, and all 8 of us have recently been to the dentist.  Our dentist gives out lots of samples, and we keep them to take with us on trips.

I can explain the many bottles of lotion and foot products.  I'm a teacher.  Lotion is a common gift for teachers, (My candles are kept somewhere else.) but I have only one brand of lotion that works for me.  The gifts never get used.

I can explain the lipsticks and lip glosses.  Ok, some of them.  Some of them looked good when I saw them at the store, but not on my lips once I got home.  I can't explain the empty lip gloss containers.

I certainly can't explain the nursing pads and 2 squirt bottles for postpartum "cleansing".  And on a related note, how long is a woman considered "postpartum"?  Four years?

There is a rice bag thing that someone once made for me (mumble mumble years ago) that has never been used.

There is a home-wax kit (for all those annoying chin hairs that have started popping up) that I've purchased but haven't used.  There isn't a microwave in my bathroom and there's no privacy downstairs. Imagine the questions I'd have to dodge from Cuckoo and Turken if they saw me screaming and crying in pain after putting wax from the microwave on my face, then violently ripping it off.

There are nine bars of soap, because I buy in bulk.  They will last forever, because some of my kids seem to forget to actually wash with soap.

I wish I could say my dresser would be a better place to look for clues about me.  Alas, it's not.  According to my sock drawer, I work in an office which requires hose.  Blue is my suit color of choice, going by the number of pairs of blue hose I have.

Last night COW asked if I was pregnant.  Red flags were going off, thinking I was nesting, since each day he has come home from work to find a themed bag of trash waiting to go out.

No, Dear.  I'm not nesting.  I'm just tired of being surrounded by clutter and stuff we no longer need.

Each day, I choose one thing to conquer.  The first thing I did was clean off my dresser.  It had become the "Place to Drop All Things I Don't Feel Like Putting Away Right Now" as well as the "Leave Mom a Funny Note in the Dust" spot.  No more!  It is clean and shiny and tidy.

My wallet was next.  Eight appointment reminder cards were in there, all having to do with someone's teeth.  So was a paper with the phone numbers COW was to call when I went into the hospital to give birth to Cuckoo.  Two expired insurance cards and 15 expired coupons from Dick's Sporting Goods were removed.  Oh, and 1 Borders card, since Borders closed about 3 years ago.

Today, I'm thinking I will conquer the linen closet.  And then put a lock on it, so kids can't get in and mess it up.

Little bits of time conquering little areas of clutter.

Thank you, LIsa, for the idea.  It's working like a charm.

Do you have hidden (or not-so-hidden) spots of clutter that could use a cleaning out?  What might someone find there, and what is your story of how it got there?

Have a lovely day!