I stink at this working out thing. No, really. I literally stink. Tell me. When do people who work out shower?? For my entire life, I have showered first thing in the morning. Even when the babies were coming every year, I made sure to take a shower before the kids woke up every single morning. It's the only time of day when I CAN take a shower. While it seems mighty ridiculous, I still take a shower at 6:30 in the morning. Even when I'm going to the gym at 9:00. And then I go through my day smelling worse than Pepe le Pew.
Swim days are better. Chlorine is a clean smell.
Unfortunately, there have been some snafus with the swimming, too. Which is amazing, seeing as how I've only been swimming one day so far. Probably should have thought through the lift weights then swim plan.
Choosing to wiggle my way into my new Speedo in the gym's locker room after lifting instead of at home was a mistake. The locker room is not the ideal place to realize that I never did use that razor hanging in my shower. (I said I showered every day. Never said anything about shaving every day!) Too bad Speedos don't come with those cute little skirts to cover up such graphic lapses in memory. Or leggings. Or sleeves. The only thing going my way was the fact that the average age of the 5 people in the pool area was 70. Without their glasses, they probably didn't realize anything was amiss. Right?
If only the indignity I endured that morning ended there.
If only.
You know how when you dry off with a towel, you aren't really all the way dry? Your skin still has moisture that the towel can't soak up. It's why people like to wear robes when getting out of the shower. It gives a body time to get rid of that last bit of moisture before putting clothes on. Otherwise, the moisture has a tendency to grab hold of the clothes as they are put on.
A little FYI: It really likes to grab hold of tight-fitting things. Take, oh I don't know...say...sports bras. By design, they are a bit snug. Getting a sports bra over one's head can be a bit ungraceful even when the person is bone dry. When a person still has that little bit of moisture that the towel didn't soak up on her person, getting a sports bra on looks a lot like shoving a wet cat through a funnel. Not that anyone should or would shove a wet cat through a funnel. It's just the best visual I could come up with to describe the horror that was me getting dressed.
Three times, People. Three times I tried to get that sports bra on the appropriate part of my body. Three times it got stuck at my armpits. My arms were all akimbo, trying desperately to reach the bottom of the bra to unroll it and pull it down. Three times I had to jiggle, wiggle, and tear my way back out of the sports bra to try a different tactic. Except there is no other tactic.
I finally just gave up and put my nice, loose T-shirt on and threw the bra in my bag.
I guess there is one benefit to being a size Almost A. With a jacket on, no one knows the difference.
So far, the only benefit I see to actually working out is being able to walk around town in my pajamas.
In the past 10 years, I have been sleeping in sweats or yoga pants. Only people who have slept at my house have seen them.
Until December, when I first wore them for the purpose God and Nike intended.
Have mercy, those things are comfortable!
In conclusion, working out is going just fine. My knee is improving by leaps and bounds. (For real! I can actually hop a bit!) I have gotten past the "Good heavens, I am a super-duper, out of shape wimp!" phase and am currently residing in the "Look! I can hang at level 3 on the ellipticle for 10 whole minutes!" phase.
Baby steps, but steps nonetheless.
Do you have any embarrassing work out stories to tell? Please?
Have a lovely day!
Hilarious, Christine. Because I have lived this. What is with those sports bras anyway? Cram the girls into something that gives you the shape off a sack of flour...if you can get it on at all, that is. Just awful.
ReplyDeleteI could never not shower after working out because I end up just sweat soaked from head to toe. Run a quick errand post workout? No freaking way. The smart answer I guess is get up at buttcrack of dawn o'clock, work out, shower, go about my day. Pfft. Not gonna happen. So I am practicing the art of doing morning dropoff at at school sans shower and getting the exercise and shower later. The upside to all of this is total privacy and all the hot water to myself!
Might as well just call sports bras Spanx for the girls.
DeleteMy routine is 30 minutes of lifting then 25 minutes of cardio. I sweat, but not too badly. I'm not a fan of working out that hard. :) If only I could work out and shower later. I live 20 minutes from the gym, and only have a short window of time when Cuckoo is at school to get the workout in. Except for that short amount of time, from 6:00 am to 10:00 pm, I am shuttling, feeding, or calming children.
Please allow me a sincere 'lol'… (hey being secondary Frist certainly should convey some… allowances).
ReplyDeleteOf course, being from Y Chromia, there are certain… parts of your narrative that I cannot simply say 'lol!! ain't it the way' or 'god! I know! how do we put up with'….
… ok, so…. I got it! "...a lot like shoving a wet cat through a funnel." that line I totally liked and can, in contrast with about 96% of the rest of you post, steal to use myself.
I cannot tell you how impressed I am that you stuck it out and read this entire post. I figured all male readers (you and my dad) would head for the more masculine parts of the internet before you got a third of the way through this.
DeleteAs a reward, I give you permission to use the line as much as you want. :)
I am too jealous of the "almost A" and the cute, stretchy little sports bra to think of any embarrassing workout stories. My sports bra has 4 hooks in the back, PLUS hooks on the shoulder straps to prevent slippage. The arm strength it takes to get it fastened constitutes a workout in itself. When I do a shoulder stand in yoga, this bra is the only thing that prevents me from smothering myself in my own cleavage. In my next life? I want to be able to wear a bra that just pulls on over my head. So. Jealous.
ReplyDeleteAnd, yes, exercising only with people older than you is definitely the way to go.
Thank you for linking the post. I didn't know you back then, and that is hilarious. Plus, it explains a lot about this comment. :)
DeleteWhile you have trouble finding a bra big enough to fit and hold, I have to hunt down bras that aren't padded and aren't bigger than my chest. We Almost As have to worry about our bras denting in. It has happened that I've had to try to inconspicuously pop it back out.
And, I've always wanted a cleavage.
Ah, girl problems...
I work out at home so I've no stories to tell. Weights and the treadmill. Nothing exciting to see here.
ReplyDeleteYour life really is most interesting. All of your life.
Have a fabulous day. ☺
The perfect setup!
DeleteIt isn't boring, that's for sure. :) Glad you enjoy reading about it.
no I can't... I laughed so hard; the shaving, the sports bra, your over 70 companions, I have in the past only shaved one leg ...totally forgetting the rest - I totally get the damp body thing, I think I once pulled a muscle trying to adjust those stupid clear plastic bra straps...aya ya ya what we go through
ReplyDeleteAs for showering when I did go to the gym, eons ago (before kids) I would shower after the workout then go to work.
Despite everything I applaud you for going -
Awesome!!!
:)
Glad you found it all amusing. I was laughing as I wrote about it. :)
DeleteYou forgot to shave a leg? Awesome.
Oh, those plastic bra strap things!! Great idea lost in the execution.
I had thought about showering at the gym, but I just don't have enough time. I have a limited amount of time to work out and get some errands done before preschool lets out. Oh well. Next year I'll have more time and can figure it all out.
Thanks!
I actually snorted on this one. Perhaps even more than once. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure why I bother working out either. The only thing that seems to be happening is my muffin top has progressed to a full fledged donut ring. WTH!?!?!? People say oh but you must feel better. No. No I do not feel better. Who cares about "cardio". I would feel better if my pants fit better. :P
Yippee! :)
DeleteNO JOKE! I have a muffin top for the first time in my life, and after a month of working out, I swear it has gotten even bigger! WTH indeed! I don't feel better, either. I most certainly don't have more energy. Maybe I just need to give it more time. You'll know when I have decided.
Shoving a wet cat through a tunnel may very well be the best imagery ever! We got the kids a mini trampoline so they could get some winter wiggles out indoors this year. Turns out they want nothing to do with it, but I've taken to jogging on it in front of the TV. Good combo. And I don't have to change in front of anyone.
ReplyDeleteAnd it really was how I looked. Which is so sad, isn't it?
DeleteOH! We have had a couple of those trampolines! My kids have always liked them. They are great for exercise. Actually, when I was a kid, my mom had one to use for workouts. I would use it myself, but all that bouncing seems to induce spontaneous peeing.
I was laughing as I wrote it, so I'm glad you found it amusing as well. :)
ReplyDeletePunching yourself is most certainly an embarrassing moment. What is a sports vest and why were you in the dark?
You are echoing all of my workout woes right now, I swear someday I'll dislocate a shoulder trying to get out of a sweaty sports bra!
ReplyDeleteNo joke! Why do they have to be so difficult?
DeleteIt seems like any change in the family schedule results in me having to readjust my exercise schedule. When the kids were all in grade school or older, I could hit the gym right after school drop-off, then go home and shower and get on with my day. When I started homeschooling some, the routine changed a bit.
ReplyDeleteMy routine now is to get on the treadmill at home in the morning, then shower. Of course, sometimes I get distracted and run later than I intended (or not at all!) This morning, though, reading this post motivated me to just turn off the computer and get on the treadmill. Thanks! I got my 5K done.
Sports bras are ridiculous, aren't they?
It's true about the family schedules dictating workout schedules. Their practices are set times, while my workouts are not.
DeleteYou are welcome!
Yes, yes they are.
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ReplyDeleteI workout at home, so I have no funny stories to tell. It's less embarassing that wayl
ReplyDeleteAnd, I think I have the wrong sized sports bras because I never struggle to put them on.. Maybe mine are all too big? Now, I need to go figure that out. LOL Your description was hilarious!!!
True. Anything you do that would be embarrassing is away from strangers' eyes.
DeleteThe one I was wearing on this particular day was an extra-tight, extra-long one that is always a pain to get on, even when I'm dry. The only sports bras that don't cause a problem are the ones I've had forever and are fraying and loose. Perhaps you should check into that. :)
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ReplyDeleteWhoops, had to delete the last one because I put baby boy's name in it. Haha!! I need sleep...
ReplyDeleteAnyway: I remember first working out after I had the Littlest Farmer. Someone should really put a warning label on nursing women's bosoms.
On the first jumping jack - KA-BOOM to the face!! I did not expect that.
It's a new concept to hide his name. You'll get used to it. ;)
DeleteHahahahaha!! The way you wrote that, and the image it paints, is cracking me up! I know of this phenomenon, but haven't experienced it. Even when nursing, my chest is of less than normal size. :(
This is why I work out in the evening and shower before bed during the week. I simply CANNOT during the week do morning work outs. The whole shower thing is the lame reason. You're the first person I ever heard say it, though, so I feel better.
ReplyDeleteMy sports bra is an engineering marvel. LOL. I bet after the second try you were sweating more than if you were lifting. BTW I take two showers on my work out days. I've heard there are those wipey things you can carry in your gym bag to be fresh as a flower after the workout. I can guarantee those 70 year olds did NOT see any inappropriate unshaven areas. And - you worked out. So there, smell this. lol
ReplyDeletePeeling out of my wet sports bra after a workout is certainly difficult, but I come home to shower! Love that your knee is getting so much better. It takes a lot to be able to hop!
ReplyDeleteLOL! I've got several workout stories on my blog. I can't thing if there's anything super embarrassing though other than getting on a machine that I made myself do five minutes though I thought I was going to die. It's looked like the elliptical but it was quite different. I have a phobia about new machines at the gym. As for the sports bra, I don't even let my husband see me get in an out of it. I can imagine is looks quite un-sexy. With all the hair yanking and stuff trying to get it over my head and over my boobs, I've found it much easier to step in a squeeze over my butt. It's less painful. The last time I shaved my legs it was warm in the bathroom because it was warm outside. I took that opportunity to shave since there were no goosebumps to shave over. That was probably two months ago.
ReplyDeleteI do swim aerobics twice a week, and I so get the 'my skin's not completely dry, but the clothes must go on' thing. I take my gym bag into a bathroom stall and get dressed in there, instead of the locker room. That way, everyone else is spared all the shimmying that takes place to get parts situated. I've come to love the swimming class, and yes, the best part is that all the participants are probably over 60! I'm sure YOU look like the spring chicken. Hang in there. It will be great therapy for your knee. (I started because of my ankle injury.)
ReplyDelete