Sunday, January 11, 2015

The Monkey in My Ear

A howler monkey screams in my ear each morning when it's time for us to wake up.

You need to know this in order to understand this story.

I did not put the alarm on howler monkey setting.  Bryan did a couple of weeks ago when I was out of town.

He was afraid he would sleep through the lovely, calm music setting it was on.

The first morning after my return, when the howler monkey went off at 6:00 am, my head shot off the pillow and my arms automatically began flailing, shooting blind but just wanting to make that horrific sound stop.

Once my heart began beating at a normal rate, I thought to myself, "For the love of all that is holy, make sure you change that before morning".  

I didn't remember to change it until 6:00 am once again was upon us and the howler monkey came alive in my ear.

"*%#@!" said I, once my arms stopped their swinging.  I got up to get the kids ready for school, repeating to myself, "Change that alarm to the normal volume as soon as the kids leave!"

And again, I forgot until 6:00 am, when my heart shot out of my chest and I flew up to catch it.

Because my lack of memory is completely reliable, you should have been able to predict that the alarm is still at howler monkey setting.

Now to the actual story...

On Sunday, Phoenix had a volleyball tournament in Louisville, Kentucky.  Since Bryan was in Texas with Star, and I had other places to be at home, I found a mom of one of Phoenix's teammates to take him.

She was going to pick him up at 6:10 am.

Which meant I had to set the alarm for 5:40.  In the A.M.

A ridiculous time for an alarm to be set, for sure.

Especially on a weekend.  

Double especially on a weekend when Bryan wasn't home, so I was up super late.

Triple especially when one kid needed a drink at 12:30 and one had a nightmare at 3:30.

So, as scheduled, at 5:40 am, the howler monkey took to scaring the beetlejuice out of me.

In my rattled state, I slammed my hand on the alarm.

I threw the blankets off of me and stood at the side of my bed.

I took one step towards making my way around the bed.

To my surprise, I didn't make it.

My legs went out from under me, and down to the ground I went.

I sat on the floor, back against the mattress, thinking, "How the hell did I get down here?"

(Howler monkeys bring out my inner sailor apparently.)

I wasn't in pain.

I was just confused as to how I had gotten into such a position.

I pulled myself back up to a standing position, using the bed as a brace.

That's when I realized what was wrong.

Apparently, my left thigh didn't hear the howler monkey.

It was still asleep.

My left thigh.



How does one's thigh, and ONLY one's thigh, fall asleep?

Of course, I will never know.  When one is woken by a howler monkey in one's ear, one doesn't take note of the way one was sleeping when awoken.

Was I on my stomach?  On my side?  Was my leg hanging over the edge of the bed?

It will forever be a mystery.

All I know is that my left thigh was asleep and I had to get Phoenix out of bed and ready by 6:05.

Because the mom who was picking him up is always quite prompt.

I hobbled along, holding on to the bed frame, the dresser, the door, the chair, the wall.  

Whatever was handy, really.

It wasn't until later that I noticed the pain.

My left knee (not the one I ripped apart playing soccer) hurt whenever my pajama pants touched it.

I lifted my pant leg.

Full disclosure:  This was taken 16 hours after the incident.  After the scratch scabbed over and some of the swelling around the scratch went down.

At least now I have a reminder.  

When the blankets hit my leg, I'll feel the pain and think, "Silence the monkey!"  

And then I'll laugh.

Because, honestly, who says that?

Have a lovely day!


  1. OUCH! Yikes that looks painful. And I thought the Herald Trumpets setting on my phone alarm was bad. Howler Monkey is definitely worse.
    Feel better!
    Oh, and FRIST!

    1. It is a touch painful when lightly touched. It is really painful when a 5 year old jumps on my lap. And it looks worse today, of course.

      Herald trumpets aren't anything to sneeze at!


  2. So wait: the scratch/bruise is from falling? Or it somehow affected the unconscious thigh? That's another odd thing to say--unconscious thigh. Silence the monkey!
    By the way, already feeling better. Amoxicillin for the win!

    1. Yes, when I fell I guess my knee hit Bryan's dresser. I didn't know it at the time, seeing as how that area of my body was asleep and I was confused by it all.

      Yay! Glad you are on the mend. I expect a wonderful TToT this week. :)

  3. Replies
    1. I am on my iPad, so can't view that right this second, but when I do, and if that is a video of a howler monkey, you will be in trouble.

    2. Hahahahahaha!!! Not only are you not in trouble, that made me laugh. I was trying to think of a song to go with this post, but I couldn't come up with one. Thank you!

  4. LOL The sad thing is, I can totally see myself forgetting to change the volume on the alarm for a very long time! It's all the kid's fault. They ruined my memory! I'm glad you are ok, albeit a little bruised!

    1. Oh, it is completely the kids' fault. With the birth of each one, more brain cells are lost.

      Thank you!

  5. I'm sorry but I am cracking up. In solidarity because I could totally see this happening to me. AND That I still wouldn't remember to change the alarm setting

    1. I'm glad you're laughing. I'd feel like a complete moron if you weren't, 'cause I thought the entire situation was hilarious once I recovered. :)

      Things are always funnier when you can relate to them or see yourself doing it. Glad I'm not alone. :)

  6. I think I'd find a way to get even with my hubby. Really. I know he meant well, but the results kind of suck. I'm also happy it wasn't your bad knee that you hurt. That wouldn't have been good at all.

    Have a fabulous day. :)

    1. Oh, it would have been horrible if it was my bad knee. I cringe at the thought!

  7. This is so freaking hilarious!!!! I could picture you waking to that with arms flying and sliding off the bed and tumbling to the ground... and then pulling yourself up and through the room and hallway- much like I have been doing for a month. I wish there was a video cam in your room... wouldn't that have been a HOOT???????

    But really- sorry you got hurt!!!

    1. Oh, I've been watching your FB updates and feeling your pain. After the debacle with my knee, I know the hobble well. I even broke our bathroom sink when I leaned on it for support.

      My mom said the same thing about a video. It would have been hilarious. I'd have been an internet sensation! :)


  8. I can only imagine that you will receive countless texts later today, all advising: "Silence the monkey!"

    1. Ha! Fortunately, there aren't that many people who both read the blog AND know my cell number. :)

  9. Silence the monkey...needs to be on a t-shirt...or some sort of tensor bandage for unconscious thighs hee hee.
    My husband puts his phone on some stupid clown honking thing. Creepy as hell.
    Makes me punch him in the left kidney.
    Sort of effective as a snooze button.

    1. It would make a GREAT t-shirt. Why don't you get on that? :)

      Ha! If the alarm was on Bryan's side of the bed, he'd be punched on a daily basis. Probably why it's on my side.

  10. Ouch! silence the monkey is a great line - I'm going to use it too - when hubby's alarm goes off in the AM; 1 hour and 1/2 before he has to get up - hope you're feeling better soon! :)

    1. Ooooohhh, that would drive me batty!! I have a really hard time going back to sleep once the alarm goes off. Bryan would have to have his own room if he wanted the alarm to go off before he needed to be out of bed. Feel free to use the line as much as you want!

      Thank you!

  11. Good GRIEF! I hope you've sorted your monkey out by NOW! Poor knee! :(

  12. ....thank god for the blogosphere (and the virtual people), if this were the 1960s, you might not be able to tell the story until someone, say a clergyman (on Sundays) or a Teacher (at PTA) or the checkout person at the crowded supermarket asked you, "Whatever happened to your leg?"
    ... ( I've lived in the (the story) would have played differently! lol)

  13. Ouch! I am so sorry that happened to you. And I promise I am not laughing. I really, really do.

  14. I just read this one to Keith, he gave a short laugh! Glad you are now real to him so when I talk about you, he knows you are real not a part of my imagination. Because even with my imagination I would never have a friend who says "Silence the Monkey"


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