The Polar Vortex, Part Deux. It Isn't Completely Miserable

I have no doubt you have heard plenty of complaining and whining and "I'm so blankety-blank sick of this blankety-blank cold and this blankety-blank snow!"-ing.  Much of it on this blog.  Well, there will be no more of that nonsense!  Yes, it's mind-numbingly cold.  Yes, it's stupidly windy.  Yes, the snow has gone waaay past the point of pretty.  For Pete's sake, it's winter.  We just need to suck it up and get over our cold selves.  Embrace the vortex!  To help you along with this, because I know many of you are going to need a lot of help with this, I have come up with...

Sure, the button thing isn't exactly easy to read, but it's an improvement from past attempts!

1.  There are opportunities for plenty of exercise.  The obvious is the shoveling, and when you live out in the middle of nowhere, there is plenty of it.  A polar vortex is a constant battle between the shoveler and the ferocious wind blowing all the snow onto the newly shoveled areas.  So far, the score is PolarVortex-134, Coop Family-0.  That is a whole mess of exercise!  But don't forget the other, less obvious exercise opportunities, like the "push a shopping cart through the snow- and slush-covered parking lot to your car parked 300 yards away because you chose to grocery shop at the same time as the rest of storm-fearing humanity did".  And I'd be remiss if I failed to mention the muscle-toning which occurs during the "clench those gluteus maximus/upper thigh/kegel muscles as your van slides all willy-nilly through intersections and around turns".  Plenty of ways to build muscle and work up a good sweat.

2.  The snow being blown through the cracks in the storm windows by the ferocious wind makes the cobwebs between the inside window and the storm window so very, very pretty.

3.  There is remarkable satisfaction from the sight of your teens, who believe proper outerwear to be cumbersome and ugly and exceptionally uncool, shivering their barelegged, coatless keisters off.

4.  The number of science experiments to do in the sub-zero cold are limitless.  Our favorites so far are the popular Throw Boiling Water in the Air and See What Happens trick and the less-known How Long Does It Take for Saliva to Freeze on Your Teeth? trial.  (The answer today was .002 seconds.  Smiling outside is frowned upon.)

 5.  You have a better chance of not stepping in dog poop when you do have to go outside.  Even if your dogs are like mine, who prefer to poop in the less-deep snow on the walkway to the house, you should be able to avoid the poo bombs.  Brown shows up really, really well on the snow.  On a related note, you will also be able to tell if your dog is dehydrated or not.  (This one's kinda subtle. Don't eat the yellow snow?)

6.  You will get a better understanding of scenes from your favorite books.  There is one book I remember reading long ago, where the pioneer family had to tie a rope connecting the back door to the barn so they wouldn't get lost on their way back and forth during the storms.  Last night, coming into the house from the car, I was wishing for such a rope.  The wind was blowing so hard, the snow was actually going back up into the air, causing a white-out that tried to take me off my course to the front door.  In short, pioneers were tough cookies.

7.  You get plenty of use out of all those clothes hanging in your closet/stuffed in your drawers.  In order to stay warm, layering is required.  Getting to wear three or four shirts at one time really helps in the cost/use formula.

8.  Those extra pounds you put on during the holidays are being put to good use keeping your organs nice and cozy.  Just like the pipes in your home, the "pipes" in your belly need to be insulated from the cold.  Just imagine how ugly it would be if your internal organs froze and burst!

9.  Each day is a new adventure.  Will school be closed?  Will there be a 2 hour delay?  Will the car start?  Will I be able to find the driveway?  How many lights will I slide through?  Will I be able to make it through another day with the kids underfoot?  Will we have enough ingredients to make French toast?  It all makes life interesting.  And blogworthy.

10.  It makes the one sunshiny day of 33 degrees feel like you are on a vacation in Florida.  Who doesn't like to vacation in Florida?  Break out the beach toys, sunscreen and the flip-flops, and enjoy the fresh air.  Or just take a jog around the neighborhood and get really muddy.  Either one.

My kids, not my neighborhood.

To all my friends and family living through this ridiculous weather, stay warm and keep those spirits up.  Spring will come eventually.  To all my friends and family living in the south, having to endure *gasp* 30 degree temperatures, grab a blanket.  You'll be fine.

Have a lovely day!

****News flash! ****

It was just announced that I have been nominated for a Sheenazing Award in the funniest blog category.

      The Sheenazing Blogger Awards get their name from Venerable Fulton J. Sheen, who was amazing at using the newest forms of media to communicate the beauty of the Catholic Church and his love of Christ to the world. They are a fun way to celebrate the excellence of the Catholic blogosphere and honor Venerable 

 It's quite exciting, even though the chance of me winning against these rock stars of blogging is slim to none.  You may know many of the other ladies nominated in all categories, so head on over to A Knotted Life and vote for your favorites!

Now, for real, have a lovely day!