Monday, March 17, 2014

I Cried at Church, and COW's Name Isn't Really COW

Standing at the end of the pew during Mass yesterday, I got quite teary.  At one point I looked down the pew at my family, and the emotions just hit me.  Everything is changing so fast.  Time is marching on, and I'm not ready.  In three short years, Phoenix will be getting ready to move on to college.  Every single year, another of my babies will begin the transition to move on to independence.  Without me.

And there, at the other end of the pew, stood Bryan*.

I know it's not the PC thing to say, but he is my life.  My world.  My every good thing.  I look at him, and all that I feel is a surge of wonder and love and fullness and love and happiness and love and grace and love.  And I start to cry, because all of that feeling has to come out, and in the middle of Mass, that's really the only appropriate way.  While I'm sure everyone would appreciate the sentiment, they probably wouldn't appreciate me running around the church screaming "I love this man completelyyyyyyyyyyyy!" before I tackled him for a lengthy hug and kiss.

This summer, we will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary.  Include our 7 years of dating, and it adds up to well over half our lives.  We were babies ourselves when we met.  So much has changed.  So much has happened.  How can I not consider him my life?

When we first started dating, neither one of us even had a driver's license.

My 16th birthday.  Although, by my outfit, you'd think it was Christmas.

Who would have guessed that 27 years later, we'd spend more time in the car, driving our 6 kids all over God's green earth, than anywhere else?

Back in our early years, we were living an active lifestyle.  Just about every waking moment we were playing tennis or running or hiking or swimming or biking or skiing.  Anything that got us moving.



Now, we are active, but not in a "stay fit" sort of way.  More in a "this kid needs new shoes" sort of way.  Or a "we need to fix the barn door that fell off" sort of way.  We look forward to simply falling asleep on the couch together after the kids have finally gone to bed.

We were huge nerds (only saved by our athletic ability) and dressed the part.  We wore whatever our parents thought looked good.

Our first dance together. 
Now, I buy all of our clothes.  We're much more fashionable, despite what our children think.

Before we were married, we tested our relationship.  We didn't want to stay together out of habit.  We went to different colleges on purpose. We were still a couple, but it was a long-distance one.  We wanted to "find ourselves" before we made the commitment to marriage.  While we talked daily and saw each other every month or two, we made choices independently and lived different lives.


Today, there is no testing.  There is no finding ourselves independently.  We consult each other on everything and make decisions together.  While we do enjoy doing things separately every once in a while, we want nothing more than to spend time together.  

When we were young, our lives were filled with big celebrations and big unknowns.  Graduations and weddings and moving out into the great big world without our parents was the normal for us and our friends.  We went to many big parties in such a short amount of time with all of our favorite people in the world.

Hey Shawnna!  Look familiar?  :)
I can't tell you the last time I went to a big celebration with a big group of friends.  Now, our lives are filled with little moments.  Little snippets of fun.  Short bursts of celebrating.  We're in a comfortable, comforting routine.  Even the unexpected, like finding a bat circling over your bed as you slept, is somehow part of the routine.  

Not counting those seven months when we lived in Bermuda, we were broke.  Bryan was in law school, at a university which didn't let law students work during the school year.  I was the sole breadwinner in a town that didn't have any open teaching positions.  We lived in a roach-infested, cinder block, 4th floor, no elevator apartment.  That first year, I was subbing during the day and decorating cakes at Kroger during the evenings and weekends. We were poor, with a capital P-O-O-R.

Our itty bitty tree, sitting on a box.  Notice the handmade ornaments, including the cardboard and tin foil star on top.  Yes, we were still horribly out of fashion, too.  Couldn't afford new clothes!  And how about that orange chair?  We had hand-me-down furniture from his aunt.  For many, many years we lived in perpetual "ode to the 70s" mode.

Fortunately, the gamble to leave his job in Bermuda to attend law school paid off.  We are no longer poor.  We are financially secure.  Our kids may think we're still broke, based on the things they don't get, but we're not.  

Back then, we were nomads.  In our first five years of marriage, we lived in 5 different cities in 2 different states and 2 different countries.  We were adventurous, going wherever the wind and opportunities took us.

Graduation from law school.  I was waaaay pregnant with Phoenix.
We have lived here at the farm for almost 9 years.  At this point, we're prepared to stay here another 16 more.  Moving is the last thing we want to do.  Moving is a lot of work, and we're not really in the business of finding more work to do.

When we were young, we had no idea how to work together to raise children.  I was quite comfortable with babies and kids, seeing as how I'd been taking care of them since I was 11.  However, Bryan had only been in charge of a child once in his life.  His youngest brother.  And Bryan tied his brother into a playpen so he could play video games without interruption.

Oh my word, how is that tiny baby now taller than his dad?!?!
Now, we are pros at taking care of little kids together.  When you have a system for nighttime vomit, you have arrived at pro status.  And I can say, Bryan has never tied one of our kids up in order to get things done.  He may have thought it, but he's never done it. 

We are by no means done changing and growing together.  Many big things are in our future.  In twenty years, I will be able to write another post about how different things are compared to now.  The only thing I know for certain is that Bryan will have even less hair. 

And we will have chased at least 20 animals back to their pens or out of our house.

Oh, and I will have shed a whole lot more tears. 

Guaranteed.

I'm linking this up with Stasha's Monday Listicles, theme of "10 Things That Are Not the Same", suggested by my friend Julia.

*  And his real name is revealed!!  I couldn't write this post about him using anything but the name I've called him for 27 years.

Have a lovely day!

57 comments:

  1. You two sound like hubby and I. We both feel the same about each other. It's a wonderful thing.

    Thanks for the smiles.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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    1. You're welcome. It is a wonderful thing to be married to someone you feel so much love for.

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  2. I love this! What a beautiful picture of love, marriage, kids the whole deal! amen! God is good!

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  3. Oh, what a heartfelt post! There's PC, and there's plain ole C, and I'm squarely in the camp of C when it comes to strong husband-wife marriages. You always demonstrate such love for your husband and children. I found myself walking down my own memory lane as I read your reflections.

    Since you mentioned COW, and the fact he has another name, I've got to ask a question. In all the time I've read your blog, I've never stumbled across the meaning of "COW." I know your kids picked names from the chicken catalog, and I knew COW referred to your husband. I'm assuming that COW is an acronym, but could you please, please tell what it stands for?

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    1. I'm glad the post took you back through your years together, too.

      Hahaha!! You are one of my most faithful readers, yet you don't know the story!?!? Ha! I once asked him what he wanted to be called in the blog. I offered him the chicken catalog and said he could pick one if he wanted. He chuckled and said, "Just call me Cock of the Walk". That was too long, so I shortened it. I think he regrets that flippant answer. :)

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    2. I don't know how I missed the story. I thought it might be something along those lines. LOL.

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  4. What a neat way to see change over the course of time. A very blessed family, indeed!

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  5. Awww, this is SWEET! I have a Brian, too, but with an i. He is, however, also losing his hair. We're at seven years, but I hope to feel as in love with him in 13 years as you do with your Bryan.

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    1. My dad and grandma still have trouble getting the "y" right. Well, my grandma does, then she confuses my dad. Which means I make fun of my dad about it all the time.
      Keep working at it. Every time we've gone through a rough patch, we've come out with a stronger marriage on the other side. Marriage goes through cycles. You have to stick through the difficult to reap the rewards of the wonderful. It's completely worth it.

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  6. I LOVE LOVE LOVE all the photos you included!!

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    1. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I do, too. :)

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  7. I LOVE this post! Isn't it so funny how things changed. And this, "Our kids may think we're still broke, based on the things they don't get, but we're not." Yup. Our kids feel the same way! I keep telling them it builds character, though I'm not sure they agree.

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    1. I'm glad. Never, ever, was the life we have now even a consideration back when we got married.
      I fully expect our kids to be furious with us when they are grown and find out how much money we saved instead of spending on them. Here's to all 13 of our kids seeing and agreeing with our wisdom someday! :)

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  8. Happy soon-Anniversary!! I don't know what it is about churches, but when we were at our friend's wedding last year, with our girls as the glower girls, I admit, I had to try really hard not to start bawling. Watching our little babies not being little babies any more, looking so solemn.. Time just flies and all I want is to scream STOP!!! As if time as listening..

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    1. Oh, I was the same way when Buttercup was in my sister's wedding. And when my kids got their first communion. And when they performed in school plays. And when they played in the 8th grade vs teacher volleyball game. Yeah, pretty much all the time, not just in church.
      Sadly, it doesn't stop. But fortunately, there are good things about time moving along. Each age has its own good points.

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  9. No wonder you cried. Absolutely beautiful-perfect-wonderful-scrumptious story the two of you have. In spite of all the ups and downs, to still feel that is incredible :)

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    1. Thanks. You are still in the very early pages of your story. You'll come to see that working through the downs makes the ups so much higher. And better. And longer lasting.

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  10. What a beautiful story. It is beautifully written too! We just celebrated 25 years in November and our only baby is sixteen years old and driving herself to school, and everywhere else, these days. I still get teary at the front door watching her drive away.

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    1. Thank you! While I really, really want our oldest to get on the driving bandwagon, I'm sure I will be the teary mom waving from the house just like you.
      Congratulations on your 25th Anniversary!

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  11. I love this trek down memory lane. Your story is so similar to mine. My hubby and I met at 19 and he just graduated from medical school last summer. We have two small children and will celebrate our 9 year wedding anniversary in July. I love that you prove a marriage can make it through being P-O-O-R (we had those days, too!) and coming out the other side with financial security and well-adjusted kids. We're almost a year into REAL paychecks and we're still pinching ourselves that we've been at this for almost 12 years together. Thanks for the happy post with all the fabulous photos!

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    1. Thank you! Good heavens, medical school while having children! That's not easy! Marriage when poor isn't always easy. Fortunately, we are both on the same page when it comes to finances. We didn't like being poor, but we were OK with not having much of anything. More debt was a way worse option.
      Yay for finally seeing REAL paychecks. Hopefully they aren't eaten up by student loans. :/
      When you count out the actual years, it can be shocking. Congratulations on your 9 years!

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  12. YES, no tying but has he ever used duct tape? Just kidding... THis of course has triggered every reader to go back through the changes in their relationship with spouse and children... It is amazing the transitions and cycles that happen naturally and those that we just have to survive... This was really , really lovely, Christine... made me teary too... Hope, Happiness... for many many more years...

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    1. Ha! Once again, I can't say he's never thought about it... :)
      I hope it does trigger thoughts of readers' own stories. I love when that happens. I hope some of you tell me about them.
      You are so right. There are cycles to relationships, and some parts of the cycle are so hard. Surviving and working hard will get us through to the really good parts.
      Shoot, your comment got me all teary. You're a good egg, Zoe. (See what I did? Are you girls laying any yet?)

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    2. I got the YOLK.... ha... Im such a dork! They are scratching up a storm and all of a sudden an egg glut has hit! We went from maybe a dozen or two a week to three or four and I suspect it will keep increasing once the snow is out of the outer coup and they have more room and sun!

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    3. So, instead of chicken and noodles, omelets for dinner. Glad the girls have gotten back on track.

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  13. Congratulations....20 years... no 27 years you both grew up with one another - hubby and i will be celebrating are 30th anniversary this year in September, and we know each for 32 years. He is the only person that I have known the longest outside my family - we married quite young I was not born yet and he was barely walking and in diapers LOL!!!!! Well that is what our maturity levels seemed like. How we survived I have no idea, yet we did - he is my north, my calm and my friend!!!! Blessings to you and your husband!!!!!!

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    1. Congratulations on 30 years!
      Hahaha! We used to write letters to each other in school, and we still have some. Reading those really shows just how immature we really could be. Good gravy, we were children!
      I love hearing about good, strong, long-lasting marriages. Blessings to you as well.

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  14. This is really beautiful, Christine. Enjoyed reading it and it made me consider slowing down more often. I sometimes look at my kids and want them to stop growing, yet still grow. I just don't want them to go away someday and not be part of my physical everyday life. Painful. Thanks for sharing and loved the photos.

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    1. Aw, thanks, Kate. You are spot on. I want them to grow, for their sake, so they can live life and experience life. However, being completely selfish, I want them to stay young, needing me and wanting to be with me. Ugh.

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  15. Aww I love your story. It is so sweet!! I love how you started out dirt-poor too lol - gives me hope! Ben is about to take on more college after our baby is born and things are gonna be tight for a little while, but I know it will be so worth it. :)

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    1. Always hope! Everyone should start out dirt poor and work their way out. Builds character and wisdom. :)

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  16. I certainly understand how you feel about your husband because I feel the same about mine. We will celebrate 35-years this summer, but we dated for almost 3-years. We married young, too. It's hard to see your kids grow and move on, but at some point the transition will be a big welcome. Not so much because they are gone, but more of a celebration for the people they grew into being and where the road will now take you. What a lovely post honoring your lives of togetherness! This is truly a beautiful read. ;)

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    1. Congratulations on 35 years!
      I hear the transition will be easier once it is upon us. I hope I can be selfless instead of selfish and be happy to see them growing and experiencing life on their own.
      Thank you!

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  17. very cool*


    *in the language of my people in Y Chromia, that means, what a touching and charming description of a relationship that illustrates what relationships (including marriages) are meant to be, a joining of two lives that results in a life that is more than the sum of the two, I feel fortunate to have made your acquaintance

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    1. Aw, Clark. Getting all mushy and full of feelings. Thank you.

      You said it just right. "a joining of two lives that results in a life that is more than the sum of the two". And not just because the joining meant the birth of 6 more people. :)

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  18. That's some "listicle"!! You and Bryan look like sibs in your graduation photo. Can definitely see the resemblance of you and Bryan in Buttercup and Phoenix :)!

    Great love story! Sentiment instead of snark :).

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    1. I know. Much deeper than I usually do for listicles.

      Ha! That is funny you said that! People used to ask us all the time if we were siblings. Not siblings, but we are 5th cousins.

      Thank you!

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  19. This is so great. Happy,happy anniversary! I love that your love for your husband brings you to tears. I love marriages that honor God and commitment. You are a great witness to the world!

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    1. Thank you! It means a lot, knowing what a great witness you are.

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  20. SO lovely ! felt so good reading this Christine. Am jst sitting and imaginign how my life wud be after 20years
    LOADS OF LOVE UR way
    god bless
    love ur family
    happy annvrsry

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    1. Thank you! I so enjoy it when something I write gets people thinking. :)

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  21. Oh my word....you have melted my cynical, old heart. *sniff* I can feel the love and seeing the two of you through the years....priceless.

    Thanks for sharing your family with us! D

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    1. Did your heart grow three sizes this day? :) Those photos are priceless, for sure. Except when our kids want to make fun of us.

      You are welcome!

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  22. how beautiful, Love this post. What a beautiful life. Hubby and I will be married 13 years but in total 20 years together and I'm only 38...wow! you sure did make me think.

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    1. Thank you. Congrats on the longevity of your marriage! It seems like just yesterday we were celebrating 13 years. :)

      I'm glad it got you thinking. I love it when a post does that.

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  23. This is literally the most touching thing I've read in a long time. And he looks like a Bryan! I adore the photos of you two over the years...wow! So so sweet.

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    1. Aw, thanks Beth. I can't imagine him with any other name. :)

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  24. Bryan is not going to stick in my memory - COW it is. But love the reveal, the story and the pics. I think it's wonderful that you all went to separate schools and survived. I called my HS boyfriend in October of my freshman year and basically said, "Yeah this isn't going to work." And of course that isn't the man I married ;-)

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  25. I think it's great how much you love him--what a long adventure you've had together--obviously meant to live "happily ever after!"

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  26. I cannot begin to tell you how much I love this post. You really were babies when you met. Can you imagine Phoenix might already know his wife right now? Gahhh! The pictures of y'all are just precious. That picture of the two of you at Bryan's graduation? I think I had that same maternity jumper! It was my "dressy" outfit.

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  27. Congrats you lovebirds. It's so refreshing to read a real love story that lasts for decades. I love it!

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  28. I am incredibly late to this post! I have had it in my feed forever and just read it today. This is so beautiful and touching. What a life the two of you have built together. The smiles on your faces in each of these pictures says a million words and I say thank you for sharing this part of your lives with us! I love this...from start to finish! Now, THIS is a love story :)

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  29. I missed this one the first time around, and I'm so glad I followed your TToT link to it now. It's such an amazing testament to real love and how it changes and grows with time. Papa Bear has always told me that love grows a little bit each day, and in the almost six years we've been together now I've learned that this is true. Like you, I can't imagine my life without him. This whole post of your was just the most beautiful read. Please make copies and tuck them away for your children and then grandchildren to treasure! It is so obvious that your finding each other was part of God's big plan for your lives... cheers to you for making it work, and for raising up some wonderful kids together!

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Thank you for taking the time to tell me what you're thinking!