Thursday, December 13, 2012

Musings from the Minibus 3

Well, we haven't moved, so I'm still driving.  A lot.  Which leaves me some time to ponder the things I see and have weird conversations with my children.

************** 1 **************

My aversion to stuff may have affected my children.  This morning on the way to school, Turken asked me if he would be able to keep the gifts he gets for Christmas.
Me:  Of course, Honey.  Why wouldn't you?
Turken:  I get to keep them?
Me:  Yes.  Where else would they go?
Turken:  We don't have to take them to that place we go to drop stuff off?
Me:  Um, do you mean Goodwill?
Turken:  Yeah.  Do we have to take my gifts to Goodwill?
Me in my head: Not right away.

********************* 2 **************

A few days ago, we noticed some major activity off to the side of the road at an intersection we pass every day.  We had a conversation about what the workers might be doing.  Our hope was that they were putting up some elaborate Christmas decorations.  Not once did we consider the end result to be this:

The name of the family?
The name of the neighborhood?
Someone been to Hollywood recently?
The pine tree behind each letter really gives it that "We'd really rather not like to see this monstrosity from our back porch" look.  Too bad they forgot to plant one behind the "d".
I only wish that the photo could show you just how huge these letters are, (They have to be at least 15 feet tall.) but it's kinda hard to take a photo that does the scene any justice when one is traveling at 45 mph. 

I have no thoughts except, "Why?"  Just tell me why!  I am very tempted to knock on the front door of that house to get some answers.  It just baffles me.  I hate to be baffled. 

Especially when I have to be reminded of my bafflement at least 4, if not 8 times a day.

Would it be so hard to give us a bit more information?


to let us know that Ashwood is in fact the name of the neighborhood.  Without such clues, I come up with my own explainations.

Perhaps it is the homeowner's name.  Regardless, he'll never be able to sell his house with that in the backyard.  He might as well change his name to Ashwood.

I wondered if there were a bunch of trees called ashwood to which they wanted to bring awareness.  Nope.  I looked it up. does not recognize the word.

Which leaves me with only one other conclusion.

Only a redneck would find something this tacky to be a good idea.  I should know.  I'm part redneck.

***************** 3 ***************

I was filling up the van, taking a gander at the ads hanging around the pump.  The van holds about 25 gallons of gas, so there was plenty of time for my mind to wander and ponder.

This kept my attention for a while.

Sorry for the crookedness.  I was just a touch self-conscious about taking a photo of an ad at the pump at a gas station on a very busy intersection near school where anyone, including the principal, could see me, seeing as how everyone knows our very large van.  Anything for my blog, though, right? 


I do not drink coffee.  Never have, never will.  The smell of coffee sent me running for the bathroom to vomit when I was pregnant with Phoenix.  However, I do know a thing or two on the subject.

The ad says, "finest Arabica coffee beans from Columbia".

Doesn't Columbia pretty much have a lock on coffee beans?  And really, I want to know the name of one Speedway coffee drinker who has any idea what "Arabica" means.  And would a single drinker know what the alternative to Arabica would be? 

The ad also says, "brewed to perfection". 

Whose perfection?  I know a whole lot of coffee drinkers, and no two have the same opinion on what the perfect coffee tastes like.

The ad also says, "ground fresh exclusively for Speedway". 

So many questions on this one.  Like who grinds it?  Aren't all beans ground fresh when they are ground?  How long ago that happened is what coffee drinkers want to know, right?  I would bet my new stove that the teenager behind the counter isn't grinding those lovely Arabica beans.  And the "exclusively for Speedway" part gives it away anyway.  They're telling us that they aren't the ones grinding the coffee beans, so how fresh can it be?

Why does Speedway use the fancy words and gimmicks to sell coffee?  When the coffee probably isn't much different (if at all) than the coffee they served 20 years ago?  They do it because they want us to think that for 99 cents we too can be cool and sound cool when we say, "I stopped to get my freshly ground Arabica coffee beans from Columbia".

Except it apparently isn't working for them.  The sign also says, "without the wait".  If their coffee was all that good, wouldn't there be a line?

FYI, I looked it up, 'cause I'm a nerd.  80% of coffee worldwide is Arabica.  Almost every one of those beans comes from South or Central America.  Which is where Columbia is.  Just sayin.  Speedway ain't no bigshot.

****************** 4 ******************

I am a ridiculous and I can't help myself.

When I pay for gas, I use gift cards that I pre-purchased at school (our on-going fundraiser).  I don't care how much I used or how much is left on the card.  I just know that it takes two trips to the gas station to use it up. 

What I am trying to say is, I don't need a receipt.  I don't care about a receipt.  I don't care about how much money is still on the card.

And yet, I stand next to my van, in the cold and rain, to push the "Receipt yes/no?" button.

Who does that?

No, really.  Who?  I need to know that I am not the only one who has to freeze her butt off to make sure that button gets pushed.  What the heck do I think is going to happen if I just leave?  Well, at the very least, the inside teller will have to get involved.  At the worst, the computer will completely malfunction, waiting and waiting for me to simply not be rude.  I feel like it is giving me a high-five and I'm leaving it hangin'.

So, every single time, I wait and freeze and get wet.  But that computer gets its high-five.

******************* 5 ***************

Driving around in December, I get jealous.  I so want to be a person who dresses her car like a reindeer for Christmas.

Auto Outfits Reindeer
I wouldn't mind a cute little car, too, but that's a whole different story.

Those antlers just scream "I am so fun.  Life of the party, right here, folks!"

Unfortunately, the van will never be antlered-up.

Do you see a problem with the positioning of the antlers?

Yeah, that person can never go through a drive-thru.  I don't care if it's an ATM or a fast-food window, a set-up like that doesn't work.  The moment you roll the window down, those anlters drop off.  

Which, I guess, is no big deal for those people who can remember that the things are on the car.  All he'd have to do is catch the antlers before they fall.

However, I would never remember.  I would be at the order window, roll down the window, and my antler would drop in the slush puddle between the van and the speaker.  I'd have to tell the person in the speaker to hold on, seeing as I'd have to retrieve my antler.  That would confuse the heck out of her, but I wouldn't be able to explain.  The people in line behind me would be laughing and/or swearing at me to hurry the heck up, so I'd be all self-conscious and throw the filthy, wet antler into the backseat, where I would inevitably hit one of the kids in the face.  Probably Cuckoo, who has very little sense of humor when it comes to such things.  My problems would only go south from there.

Don't doubt me.  The first time the Colts went to the Super Bowl, we got a flag to put on the window to show our support.

I know of what I speak.

So, reader, got any musings from your own drive around town?

Have a lovely day!


  1. I really want to put those fake eyelashes on my car's headlights! I know, I know, it's tacky, but I drive a silver/pink Nissan Micra, I think I'm entitled!

    1. What are you waiting for? Get those eyelashes already!

  2. I AM the driver with the antlers and big red nose on my Toyota Sequoia. I put them on the day after Thanksgiving and it makes me so happy I can't even stand it. Of course going through drive-thrus is a hassle, but tis the season!! Oh, and Ashwood looks too fancy schmancy for this here redneck!!!

  3. Can't wait for the follow up post on the Ashwood mystery...

  4. Your conversation with Turken makes me think of my own right here!
    Keep us posted on that wacky sign. Ashwood...?

    1. Are we creating hoarders with our desire to avoid clutter?

  5. I double dare you to go and ask about the sign...

    1. If it was a double dog dare with a cherry on top...

  6. Across from the golf course, or so? Fancy condos, believe it not - name of the neighborhood.


Thank you for taking the time to tell me what you're thinking!