Thursday, December 20, 2012

In Which I Vomit Randomness All Over You

Sorry for the gross image in the title.  I have a cold.  I'm in a gross mood.

A cold is a tiresome inconvenience when one is trying to get a whole long list of things done six, five, and four days before Christmas.

You know what else doesn't help?  Lack of sleep.  For some reason the past two nights I've woken up somewhere between 1 and 2.  Not a big deal if one can roll over and fall back to sleep.  Big deal if you can't.

Do you know what won't help one get back to sleep?  Calculating how much sleep you've gotten, then saying, "If I go to sleep right now, I'll get 3 more hours".  Pressure to fall asleep rarely helps one fall asleep.

I'm not all doom and gloom and gross, though.  Some bright spots have come my way.

I may not have many Christmas decorations out this year, but I do have one new one, thanks to my friend Jen at Overholt8.  She made a lovely Christmas banner for our home.

She makes all sorts of lovely things.   You can even purchase them. 

I would give you more information about how to purchase them, but I can't at the moment.  While I was at the boys' basketball game, Hubby found Jen's business card and gave it to Buttercup, as she has a business card collection.

I asked Buttercup to get it for me before she left for school, but, surprisingly (That's a joke.) she forgot. 

The child will leave her wet towel on the wood floor in her room, her clothes scattered hither and yon, her other possessions strewn about the house, but the one thing that I need, she puts away.  And I don't know her secret business card hiding place.

So, if you would like to see some more of Jen's work, go to her blog and leave her a message/comment.  I'm sure she'll get back to you.

Oh, did you notice where my new banner is hanging?  Why yes, that is the doorway to my new kitchen. 

Which leads me to...the counter tops will be here earlier than expected.  Friday morning to be exact.  And the plumber will hook everything up Friday afternoon. 

Sweet mama, I am going to have a kitchen this weekend!!!!!  Happy dance time!! 

You know what else makes me happy?

I drive a 12-passenger van.  A lot.  Gas prices going back below $3 makes me happy dance some more.

You all need to thank your lucky stars that I can't take a video of myself.  I am not a pretty happy dancer.  Especially when I have a cold.  Movement seems to make the snot run freely.

I've found that it is very helpful to have a child with size 13 feet.  If I have to run out to the car for something, I can just stick my feet in his tied-up shoes.  Even with my hands full of stuff.

It is a bit difficult to drive a 12-passenger van when one has some sort of neck/back spasm limiting one's ability to rotate one's head.  Kinda need that motion in order to check for oncoming cars. 

I don't know exactly why my neck is doing this to me, but I'm guessing it may have something to do with this sign:

Remember how I think it is one of the dumbest signs ever erected?

Seems I'm not the only one.

I did one violent double-take when I drove by and saw this:

Hubby thinks the homeowners association read my blog and said, "Take it down!  The lady from the coop is making fun of us!" 

Who knows.  Can't wait to see what they do next, though. 

For my birthday last month, my friend in Japan sent me a bunch of products made there.  She put Post-it's on each item to let me know what was inside, seeing as how I don't read Japanese.

One of the items was a giant travel package of Kleenex for my purse.  I stuck it in my purse, because that is what it was for.

A week later I was watching Phoenix play a game of basketball.  One of his teammates got hit in the nose and immediately began bleeding all over the place.  I gave his mom my package of Kleenex to help clean him up.  In her haste, she ripped the package open. (A shame, since I can't now take a photo of it.)

It was a giant package, as I said, so there were still some left.   I have since been carrying the Kleenex in a sandwich baggie in my purse. 

As I stated above, I have a cold.  We were out and about on day 1 of the cold, so I was very glad to have that package of Kleenex in my purse.  Snot was about to drip off my lip, so I grabbed one. 

Let's just say, it wasn't quite enough.

It was the most useless Kleenex I have ever seen.   It was far worse than the cheapest, non-lotioned, cardboardesque facial tissue gracing the shelves of any store in America.   No wonder people were scrambling for paper towels for the kid's nose instead of just using my Kleenex.

I thought, "Do Japanese people not get snotty noses?  Do they never have to honk out a great big glob of mucus?"  Apparently not, judging by the quality of their Kleenex.

Tonight, I was talking with my friend in Japan.  I told her that the Kleenex she sent me were unable to handle American-sized nose-blows.  They're basically useless, unless it is an emergency situation and you have nothing else to dab at your nose.

That's when she remembered to tell me, "I bought some for myself when I bought yours.  I have since been told that they aren't Kleenex.  They are hand warmer pouches."

Come again?

"Yeah, they put little bead things in the pouches, warm them up, then put them in their gloves or something." 

I pulled my emergency-only Japanese Kleenex out of my purse to give them a closer inspection. 

It's official.  I'm a moron.

And I am terrified to open and eat the thing she labeled candy.

You may go clean the vomit off of you now.

Have a lovely day!


  1. Hand warming pouches? What the....

    Re: insomnia, I always find that the old 'reverse psychollege' is worth a try and when I wake up, try to tell myself to stay awake and not go back to sleep. Usually takes less than 10 mins to be sound-o again.

    Hope your cold disappears in time for you to really enjoy having a fully functioning new kitchen - it looks great and I totally have kitchen envy.

    (Hope the weird sign people do read your blog and were utterly chagrined at their silly sign!)

    1. I will certainly try the sleeping trick next time. At three in the morning, I'll try anything.
      I will be fine, just hope the kids don't get it for our trip. That would be no fun.
      As for kitchen envy, you'll get a better kitchen someday. I can't even describe the horror of a kitchen we had when we were only 2 years into our marriage. Hopefully, you'll get a nicer one in less than the 18 years it took me.


  2. "In Which I Sneeze Randomness All Over You" maybe? Thanks to you I will be thinking of bodily fluids all day ;)

    1. Ha! I hit publish, then went to take a shower. In the shower I thought, Why did I say vomit? The whole post was about my nose?
      And you're welcome.

  3. Say it isn't so????? Ashwood no longer has the big ass sign???? Please tell me they are goin' Biggah and Bettah baby!!!!

    1. I know!! Can you even believe it?? Less than two weeks after putting it up, they took it down. I'll be sure to let you know what they do next.

  4. When I visited Japan a few years ago, I noticed people standing on street corners, handing out packets of kleenex, with advertising logos printed on the plastic. It's a fairly common marketing technique there. But my kleenex packets didn't contain hand warmers. Everyone in Japan seems to carry kleenex because the bathrooms are either super-wonderful washlets, or just traditional holes in the floor, where you need to provide everything yourself, including toilet paper.

    1. I had heard about the Japanese facilities. I always forget that not everyone lives like we do here in America. I need to travel more.
      My friend now needs to send me both hand warmers and Kleenex so I can compare the packaging and see if I can tell the difference.

  5. HA! Holy cultural confusion!
    I'm still wondering what the deal was with that sign.
    And I like your banner.

    1. There seems to be a lot of that cultural confusion in both directions. She also sent me a T-shirt that had a picture of the American flag and the words "Star and Stips" on it.


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