Thursday, July 10, 2014

This Post Took Two Days to Write as I Drifted In and Out of Consciousness. Enjoy.

"You are a bad driver!"

It's just one of the uncharacteristicly not nice things I said to my poor, doting husband in my drugged stupor on our drive home from surgery.

I was layed out in the back seat of his car, wickedly loopy.  Apparently, I get chatty when I'm wickedly loopy.

I also told him that "I love pudding.  CHOCOLATE pudding!"  I'm told that Bryan then said something about Bill Cosby.  I replied, "I think I know who that is."

As Bryan drove, I would moan and groan every couple of minutes.  He asked if the bumps hurt my knee.  "No!  Every time you hit a bump, my head bounces off then back on the window!  My head hurts!"

Quickly followed by...

"Oh!  Bill Cosby is a comedian!"

I guess some things don't change when I'm drugged.

I wasn't allowed to eat any solid foods for 24 hours, so when Bryan went into the pharmacy to get my meds, he looked for some chocolate pudding for me.  I was left in the back of the car.

By myself.

For hours.

I think.

I remember alternating between sleeping and wondering what in the world was taking him so long.

Out loud.

I vaguely remember looking out the window he had partially rolled down for me (not all the way, seeing as how my head was leaning back on it.) and calling out, "What is taking so long??"

Then sleeping.

Then calling out again, "Where are you??"

Then sleeping again.

I can only imagine what the customers going in and out of the store were thinking about the situation.  (One of my clues that he was in there a long time...other customers were going in and out.)

Finally, finally, we were on our way again and made it all the way home.

The kids came out to greet me, not because they missed me, but they were eager to see what sort of hilarious stupor I was in.

I did not disappoint.

It took me 15 minutes to get to the front porch from the car using my crutches.  I was convinced that I was going to fall.  At one point I quoted one of the dolls Buttercup used to own.  It was a doll that could stand up, but at one point would lose its balance and yell, "Woooaahh!  Catch me, Mommy!"

As I thought I was falling, I hollered, "Wooaah!  Catch me, Mommy!" and panicked, letting go of the crutches and grabbing hold of Phoenix, practically taking us both down.

So it felt like.

Apparently, Bryan had a death grip on me from behind and I never lost my balance at all.

As I came to the front door, Bryan warned me of the little bump going into the house.  He said, "Watch out for the threshold."

I stopped, completely confused.

"That's called a threshold?"

After I cleared that hurdle, I had to stop and scratch my nose.

According to the children, I said, "This anesthesia is making my nose itch.  Or giving me boogers," as I scratched and rubbed my nose to death.

Since arriving home, I haven't left the couch except to go to the bathroom.

I drift in and out of sleep with astonishing speed.

To illustrate, a photo Bryan couldn't resist taking...

I was eating my first cup of much-anticipated pudding...


when I passed out cold.

I woke up sometime later, still holding the pudding and the spoon, to finish eating as if nothing odd had happened.

I've been icing my knee.

And doing the exercises as best I can.

The first time I went to the bathroom unaided, I fell.

Thankfully, I had chosen to get "the block" before I left OrthoIndy.  (Chosen in this case used very loosely.  I couldn't focus on much of anything at the time, and was pretty much led to the decision by Bryan and the anesthesiologist.)

They were the two worst shots I have ever had in my life, but they meant my leg was completely numb for 24 hours.

I fell hard enough to bend the metal bars in my brace, but I never felt a thing.

Even my pride wasn't hurt too bad, seeing as how I had managed to get my pants back up before I fell.

I was allowed to take the dressing off yesterday.

Wanna see?

If not, scroll by real fast.



I wrote that "yes" on my leg before surgery.

They gave me the marker and told me to.

The rest was all them.

Once I was mostly coherent at home, Bryan recounted the conversation I had supposedly had with the doctor.  I supposedly at graham crackers, too.

I remember none of it.

The one meniscus tear wasn't repaired.  He just cut off a flap of tissue.

The other meniscus tear was sutured back together.

The ACL was a torn-up mess.  He had a lot of cleaning up to do before he fixed it.

And guess how he fixed it.

With donor tissue.

I'm still too groggy to really think that through, but I'm awake enough to be blown away by the information.

I'll be writing a thank you to the family once I'm less medicated.

Alrighty.

I think I've said all I need to say at this point.

I know many of you have been praying for me and wondering how the surgery went.

Thank you.  It is amazing how calming it was to know people were praying for me.

I'm going back to sleep now.

Have a lovely day!














43 comments:

  1. Oof. You've been done in. Here's to fast healing now that the messy work of surgery is over!

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  2. You do know what they mean by donor tissue, right?
    Some time I will tell you a couple of anesthesia stories.
    GET BETTER!

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    1. As a matter of fact I do. It was a human donor. There was a card in my discharge papers with an address for me to send the thank you card if I wanted to write one.

      Can't wait! Knowing the trouble you get into sober, I can only imagine the things you say on anesthesia. :)

      I'm trying!

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  3. So glad you came through your surgery okay, I hope your knee heals fast now and you get better real soon.

    I love how you woke up and finished the chocolate pudding as if you'd never been to sleep - AND you managed to stay awake long enough to read the latest page of my blog and post a comment :)

    Sleep is supposed to be a good cure for many things, well if that's the case then you sleep away as much as you like, you deserve it :)

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    1. Thanks!

      No need to waste a perfectly good cup of pudding. :)

      Daytime TV is not good, so I've been sitting with my iPad much of the day, reading every post I can find. It takes me about 20 minutes to read one, but I'm reading them. If you get a comment, you are super special. Those take some serious concentration. :)

      I am sleeping whenever the mood strikes, day and night.

      Delete
  4. My goodness. I am glad you are home recovering! I feel terrible laughing knowing you are still healing, but you sure are hilarious. Napping through pudding...not everyone can pull that off.

    No more falling! Get better soon.

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    1. Me, too! I am glad you laughed. Don't feel bad in the least. I am laughing right along with you.

      Thank you!

      Delete
  5. Glad you are among the mostly conscious at this point! Best wishes with the recovery. Loved the photo when I first saw it on instagram and figured one of the kids has snapped it...not Bryan :)!

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    1. I can always count on Bryan to take stupid photos of me. The kids are less consistent. :)

      Thank you for the well wishes.

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  6. I am impressed that you have been leaving lucid comments on my blog! Rest up and heal well. Glad you wrote "yes" on the correct leg! :-)

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    1. It took me almost half an hour to read and comment, but I have plenty of time. :)

      Don't think I didn't double check the yes with Bryan to make sure.

      Delete
  7. Well you wrote a really great post for someone that's under the influence. I'm glad the surgery went well, I'm just sorry it took you a week to get home.

    Have a terrific day and get well soon. ☺

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    Replies
    1. Thanks!

      Ha! It certainly seemed like a week.

      Delete
  8. Ay-Chihuahua!! If I lived closer...I would've been running out to greet you too. You know...to see how you were. ;)

    Take care and here's to a speedy recovery.

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    Replies
    1. I have no doubt you'd be there for me...in some capacity. :)

      Thank you!

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  9. Please thank Bryan for the picture...that is awesome. :)

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  10. (there is so much in here that I liked, have to pick one, in case attention-span is still diminished),

    "That's called a threshold?"

    excellent!
    (here does Bryan have a blog? if not, he should…there's got to be 5 or 6 Posts in this week alone! lol)

    Remember: staying still and/or moving slowly is a temporary condition…

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    Replies
    1. I don't know what you could possibly mean about attentio

      I was completely baffled by the word threshold. Perhaps because no one has actually used the word since the 1800s.

      If he wasn't completely swamped with work, he would have written a post. He might have even had fun doing it. Too bad, though, he just doesn't have the time.

      The first two days were bad (for my kids) but I've mellowed out a bit. And they've stepped it up a bit. All will be well. I won't lose my gourd. I won't lose my gourd...

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  11. Replies
    1. Ha! Which part? The stitches? Surely you aren't grossed out by that, Mr. Ex-fisherman.

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  12. Ohhh! OH O! *cringes* OW! Yowser...yipes you poor sod! Gee they sure messed you up good. I'm glad you got to write on yourself but WOW!

    I hope your super-duper painkillers are working reeeeallly good. I'll be sending all the 'block the nerve ending' prayers I know how to say. Or I'll invent some. Whatever. Yowch!

    Thanks for being such a good sport (in the moments you were awake) and sharing how loopy you were. That sounds hilarious, and I would have loved to have seen it. But don't fall again, cos I think it will hurt more next time :(

    Have lots of pudding, get lots of rest, and I hope you heal really quickly x

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    1. Well, in their defense, I kinda did the messing up first. :)

      The painkillers are helping tremendously. I've only had one day of much pain, thank heavens. Thanks for prayers of continued comfort, though.

      You would have had a field day with loopy me, no doubt about it.

      Thank you!

      Delete
  13. That looks great!!!! Especially seeing as you already fell on it once! Good for you, Puddin'!
    xo and prayers too... zoe and skips

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    Replies
    1. :) You can always make me smile, Zoe. Thanks to you and Skip!

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  14. So glad it went so well! I think I need to hear more details from these conversations.

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    1. I'm sure there is more, but I'm afraid to ask. :)

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  15. Sounds like everyone is having a blast at your expense; entertain them right? How did you leave a comment on my blog so early this morning- did you know you wrote about Bill Cosby? Nah just kidding ha! Glad it went well, make sure you rest, try not to fall. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

    :)

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    1. Isn't that how it always is? It seems Mom always gets to be the one everyone rallies around to joke about.
      Ha! I think I remember leaving a comment on your post, but I don't think I mentioned Bill. :)

      Thank you!

      Delete
  16. OH bless your HEART!!!!! Praying for healing and recovery to be smooth and FAST!!! Too funny... YOU. ;)

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  17. Semi-medical advice: find the old movie 'Little Shop of Horrors'* and watch it... on your 'television'

    * this must be the original version with Jonathon Haze, the lovely Jackie Joseph and (a very young) Jack Nicholson... the remake with Rick Moranis and Steve Martin will make your other knee break....

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    1. I don't think I have the attention span for an entire movie, but I'll see what I can do. :)

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  18. *deadpan* I'm so glad I signed up to get your blog on my email... I just got notification of this post...OH YAY!

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    1. Wow. Glad you like me so much you follow me two different ways! :)

      Delete
  19. On the up side of this is that your knee will be like brand new with all kinds of range of motion and stuff; after the PT. I hope your recovery is fast. And you are doing great so far.

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    1. That's what I'm hoping for! Not that it never caused me any problems before...maybe they put something bionic in there.

      Thank you!

      Delete
  20. LOL!!!! That's hilarious!!! Hope your leg feels better though!

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  21. You have definitely had thoughts and prayers your way for success and healing. Glad you came through OK. Now, for the fun, right? Anesthesia stories and behavior are fabulous. When I woke from my wisdom tooth surgery in high school, I apparently hit on the doctor, cracked up all the way to the car, and then got home and cried about a teddy bear before passing out for like a day. After Zilla's C-section, so I'm told, I woke up swearing like a drunken sailor and then got upset that my Mother In Law might hear me swearing in such a manner and started swearing about that. I have no conscious recollection of this. Ah, good times...
    I have to ask, though, because I think I have clearly missed something...why the "Yes" written by you on your leg?

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    1. Oh my word. You are a mess under anesthesia! Makes me feel a whole lot better! :)

      The Yes was a check to make sure they operated on the correct leg.

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  22. Welcome to the donor club! My left arm (upper part) has a fibula donor bone it... I had a non-cancerous tumor that ate the bone up there from the inside out... they had to wait till I stopped growing and than fixed it. I don't have many funny stories from coming off of being knocked out... mostly because I get really really sick from it, however the last time they had it under control enough to where I did not get sick for a couple hours after my scope so when a cute doctor/ med student walked by I said " He is cute, he can come to my beside anytime!" The person who was with me said she was glad that part of me was still working. :) Also the passed out pudding picture is so funny! Kudios to you for posing it!

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Thank you for taking the time to tell me what you're thinking!