Monday, May 5, 2014

My Mom Suggested I Stop Blogging...

Not because she doesn't like reading it and seeing the photos of her grandkids, but because she thinks having a blog has tempted Fate into overloading me with plenty of blog fodder.  I didn't agree with her until just now, this evening, as I sit and finish the post I started 10 hours ago.

To illustrate her point, I give you the story of my Monday.

One, single, unbelievable day.

It will take at least three posts to tell you what happened.

I'm not even kidding.

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I slammed the ripped, torn, chewed, and otherwise shredded wires on the counter saying, "Will driving without these cause harm to my family or the general public driving on the open road around us?"

The Ford service guy simply looked at me with a "Please explain" look upon his face.

"Well, see, I had just told my 4 year old to get his shoes on.  We were making an unexpected trip to Tractor Supply to buy some needles and syringes, seeing as how my 4 pigs I got 3 short weeks ago have come down with a case of pneumonia.  As I put my shoes on, I heard the dogs giving their "I'm going to get you!" bark.  The sound came from the vicinity of my van.  I knew immediately that I was not going to like what I saw when I got to them.

I was right.  As I got close to the scene, I heard the sound of an animal squealing and scurrying around the undercarriage of my van.  For the sake of this conversation, we'll call the animal a squirrel.  The squirrel was "in" my van, and the dogs were trying their best to save the van.  By ripping it to shreds.  These wires were all over the ground."

The Ford service guy slowly picked up a wire piece with a grin upon his face.  As he inspected the piece, turning it this way and that, the grin became a full on smile.  As he picked up another piece, he could hold it back no longer.  With a chuckle, he asked, "Are any dash lights on?"

"Um, just about all of them.  And there is an incessant blaring of an alarm.  For every 5 minutes of quiet, there is one minute of (as my 4 year old said, "Mom!  Mom!  It sounds like the car is saying) 'larm alert!  'larm alert!  It is rather annoying."

Before the service guy could say, "We'll take it and have a look," the guy who took my call 15 minutes prior came into the room.  He barely managed to contain his guffaw as he commented, "Ah, the squirrel attack."

So I told them, "Oh, and I can't guarantee that it was a squirrel, nor that it actually ran out of its hiding place under the van.  You may want to protect your face when you look up."

Cuckoo and I then spent 2 hours playing Uno, cancelling a dentist appointment, and getting a ride for Turken after kindergarten.  We also walked to the only restaurant which didn't require a walk of Cuckoo death across 6 lanes of major road.  Steak - n- Shake.

I had a steak(burger).  And a shake.

Duh.

Side note:  The way to get kids to be grateful for things is to never give them anything.  When Cuckoo found out he was going to be allowed to take home the paper hat, the paper car, the placemat, and the 2 little crayons, he was happier than he ever was at Christmas.  "I get to take ALL of this home?!?!?!"



After lunch, we walked back to Ford, where the service guy wasn't laughing anymore.  I think he actually felt bad when he broke the news about the four hours of work and almost $600 it would take to get the van fixed.

Probably not as bad as me, though.

I had to go back to my original question.  "But if I drive it, will it be dangerous?  I don't really have 4 more hours to stay here.  You know, 6 kids and 4 pigs with pneumonia and all."

I got the all clear to drive away, but made an appointment on Wednesday for the repairs.

We won't miss the appointment.

They couldn't turn that blasted alarm off, so it comes back on screaming, "Fix your van!  Right now!  Fix your van!  Right now!"  every five minutes.  It is almost as annoying as Turken hollering, "I hate that noise!  Oh, I hate that noise!" the entire time, every time, that alarm continues to beep.




Now, about those sick pigs...

I'll have plenty of time to write the post on Tuesday.   You'll find out why in Post 3.

Have a lovely day!

37 comments:

  1. I hope you don't have plenty of time to write because you no longer have pigs to care for, ailing or otherwise....

    And a squirrel did all THAT? Was he planning to sell the copper?

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    1. Crud. I forgot to make that clear in the post! The dogs did most of it, trying to get to the squirrel.

      Delete
  2. In my case, blog fodder does not stop coming because I stopped writing about it. The difference between you and me is my blog fodder isn't very funny. But, then, maybe you didn't think it was so funny while it was happening either, eh? :)
    Anxiously awaiting upcoming "to be continued" posts. ...

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Ack. Funny or not (and you are funny) I miss your posts. :)
      Um, no it wasn't funny for at least 20 minutes. :)

      Delete
  3. Oh my GOSH!!! And I thought life was CRAY CRAY around here!!! Bless your HEART!!!!!!! You are cracking me UP!! And at the same time, I feel ya hun. I feel ya. Don't ya just wish it would all just immediately GO AWAY!!!! Poor pigs. Poor car. Poor YOU. Ugh.

    And one big long SIGH.....

    Hang in there? (yes, with a question mark, cause, ya know- the pigs, the car, the kids, the blog, life...)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Some things, like illness and stupid dogs, yes. Get rid of them at any time.
      I'm trying to hang in there, but today, I'm just hanging. You'll see... :)

      Delete
  4. Awesome. That is all. Just awesome. :)

    And your mom may be right...I think you are tempting the blog fodder gods.

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    1. Thanks.

      So it would seem. Either that, or I have royally ticked him off.

      Delete
  5. OMG. So sorry about the van! I can't even laugh because how annoying that it's going to be so expensive and that you have to listen to the dang alarm every few seconds!! UGH. Also? With pigs and vans and kids, I think the fodder would happen anyway. Just an opinion.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. You and me both, sister.
      I did remind my mom that we had plenty of stories well before I started a blog.

      Delete
  6. (not laughing)

    but, if it helps... your opening lines: "... she thinks having a blog has tempted Fate into overloading me with plenty of blog fodder.
    had me thinking, 'yow, totally zen opening line!'

    ...then I read the rest of the Post.
    no, you cannot give up writing Posts.

    lines like: "...dogs giving their "I'm going to get you!" bark." very nice. Having always had dogs, I totally could hear that...now, that they managed to eat their way into an area with wires (I assume it was under the dashboard), is pretty impressive canine protection work.

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    1. Thanks, Clark!
      The wires were not from under the dashboard, but were from the back side of the van. Around the back brakes.

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    2. oh! I can't imagine why you would be concerned then!

      lol

      Delete
  7. Oh wow. I'm sorry about the van! I can't even imagine how annoying that must be. I agree with the others though that with kids, pigs, dogs and vans the blog fodder would happen anyway and without the outlet of writing about it, it might just start getting you down. At least writing about it can be somewhat cathartic and help you to look at the funny side of things as well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Think of the most annoyed you've ever been. It's about 10 times more. :)

      I reminded my mom that plenty of things happened before I ever started a blog. Now I just get to make more people laugh and/or commiserate with me.

      Delete
  8. I'm speechless. Can't wait to read the rest, and yet at the same time, I'm afraid.....

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    1. Can't say I was speechless. I might have let a few swear words out when I saw the destruction. :)

      Delete
  9. "Ah, the squirrel attack" I love it! I can't wait to hear about the pigs! Seems like you had quite the day and I hope you don't listen to your mom!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. It was a day to go down in (as my sister-in-law said) crap history.

      I rarely listen to my mom. :)

      Delete
  10. I'm not laughing either - really. Anxiously awaiting part two. That's some serious blog fodder. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I'm working on it. Drawings and drugs are involved, so it's taking longer than I anticipated.

      Delete
  11. At least your son got bring home some really neat things LOL!...Seriously, this city gal cannot relate; I freak out with chipmunks ...but you handled it well. I don't think I could go back in the van...hey that's me - hope it gets all fixed tomorrow alarm and all - and the rest of the week goes smoother and no alarms go off. :)

    Marisa

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Ha! He's still playing with them, too. :)
      I was a tad worried that the squirrel would dart out and up my leg when I got near the van.
      It's going in to get fixed today, thankfully. I can't take much more of the beeping.

      Delete
  12. Oh no, sorry about the van. I hate car issues. But yes, when things come up, it is blog fodder. I've had people ask me, "Does all this really happen to you?" Yes. Unfortunately. (Or maybe fortunately, as it gives me something to write about..)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Somehow the principal at the kids' school found out about the blog. She asked one of my kids if I exaggerate when I tell the stories. He answered, "No, that's really how it happens."
      I have to blog. It would be a waste not to!

      Delete
  13. I cannot believe this is only a small part of your day!! Wow. I hate to laugh, but it's pretty hysterical. I love that Cuckoo was so excited about the paper hat and such from the restaurant.

    Awaiting part II.......

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Me either. I'm used to chaos, but even this day went above and beyond my expectations.
      Laugh away. :)

      I'm working on it!

      Delete
  14. I have to admit I would be excited about the paper car and hat too! I can so relate here but will refrain because sometimes you just got have your thunder when things go this bad!!! Bless your van toting, piggy stickin' heart my dear!

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    1. Thanks Zoe! You can relate to the van being ripped apart?? Do tell!

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    2. well actually it just blew up into a ball of flame....

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    3. Yikes! Hopefully, you weren't anywhere near it.

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  15. Oh, no! When I told you I was looking forward to funny pig stories, by no stretch of the imagination did I picture this, too! Don't stop blogging, but I really don't mind reading "boring" posts from you. (Of course, by "boring" I mean nice posts that don't involve disaster of one sort or another.)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. At this point, I'm wondering if I'll ever get to write a boring post again. The fodder just keeps on coming.

      Delete
  16. The pigs are sick ALREADY!!!! Can't wait to read all about it. I...I...mean....gosh golly darn it all! :(

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Already. I know. Apparently, it's quite common in newly weaned pigs.

      Delete
  17. Well, I really don't want to laugh because, well, the chaos, the four hours and the $600. However, I get the visual of the squirrel/dog throwdown and it kind of makes me chuckle. But only for a moment.
    Sorry to hear about the sick pigs.
    Do not stop blogging. (Sorry, Mom!)

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  18. I haven't read the other two parts yet, but you had me laughing in this one. I had a day. One single day, when the blasted seat belt alarm would NOT shut off. Not even with the seat belt properly plugged in. It was a LONG day in the van.

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Thank you for taking the time to tell me what you're thinking!