Interviews With the Pig Wranglers

********** Wednesday morning, as the kids ate breakfast ************

Christine:  So Buttercup, tell me.  When did you realize that something had gone terribly wrong outside last night?

Buttercup:  When Dad called me.

C:  What was the first thing you saw?

B:  A pig out of the barn.

C:  And what was it doing?

B:  Just looking at Dad.

C:  Why did he call you outside?  What did he want you to do?

B:  He yelled at me to grab the barn fence.  He used it to corral the pig back to the barn.  He also yelled at me to get the barn door open.

C:  And Giant, why didn't you go out, too?  Perhaps with a camera?

G:  I didn't know what was going on.  Dad called her, and she went.

C:  Did Dad sound panicky?

B:  Yes.

G:  I don't know.  I couldn't hear him.

C:  How did you not hear him?

G:  She was the one who answered the phone.

C:  Hold up.  He didn't come to the door and yell into the house?  He actually called from the yard on his cell phone?

G:  Yes.

********* The night before ****************

Christine (on the phone):  Hi, Honey.  Just wanted to make sure someone fed the pigs, since Phoenix isn't home.

H (breathing hard):  Yeah, they got fed, but not the way you're thinking.

C:  What?

H:  When I got home, there were two pigs in the orchard.

C:  Aah!  How?

H:  They busted through the barn wall.  I have to go.  I'll tell you about it when you get home.

************** An hour later, Christine pulls up to the house, where she sees her husband rolling a large piece of tree stump down the hill and putting it in front of the barn door.  This conversation takes place in the front yard. ************

C:  What happened?

H:  I put the little kids to bed, then came outside to make sure the pigs had water.  I walked around the house, and when I got right about there, (points to the "garage") I saw a pig on its way to the garden.  I then saw another one under a tree in the orchard.

C:  Where were the dogs?

H:  I realized they hadn't figured out the breech of security, so I found Roy and tied him up.  Hershey followed me.

C:  How'd she do when she saw the pigs?

H:  She immediately hopped on one, but stopped when I told her to.

C:  How did you get them back in the barn?

H:  Well, the first one just ran back in when it saw me, and that is how I figured out their escape route.  The second one ran up to me, just to say hello.  He then went back to digging around the yard.  I used one of the barn slats the pigs knocked out to try and corral the pig, but it wasn't working.  I basically just scared it around to the other side of the barn, far away from the hole in the wall.  I told Buttercup to get the barn door open and guard it so the others didn't get out.  Finally, I just grabbed the pig by the hind legs and drug it back in.

C:  You drug it???

H:  Yes, and it didn't like it one bit.  It was flailing and squealing something awful.

C:  So the barn is now fixed?

H:  Yes.

C:  And the tree stump by the barn door?

H:  Extra precaution.

**************** After breakfast this morning, a walk around the scene *************

The hasty repair job on the barn

"Extra precautions"

**************** and drawings *************

First indication that something is amiss.

Confirmation that yes, something is just not right.  (Don't ask me why this pig looks like his parents were an odd pig/elephant mix.)

Shocking, really that this tactic didn't work.

Pig Wrangler Extraordinaire.

*********** Du, du, duuuuuu **************

The pigs are planning their next escape.  There is a big trench dug out right next to the fence.  A pig posse has never done this before, so after last night, worry has set in.

Christine is a fake farmer, mother of 6.  Sadly, she was at a soccer game with her third oldest when the above event occurred.  Besides the disappointment she felt in not being a part of this new pig adventure, she is mostly appalled with her children.  She was heard to yell, "How in the name of all that is good, did not a single one of you think to grab a camera when this all went down???   Have you not learned anything from me?????" 

Have a lovely day!