Using Gift-Giving to Teach Empathy

A big part of parenting is getting children to realize the entire world does not think like them, feel like them, or revolve around them. It is imperative to teach children to think of others and to be able to put themselves in someone else's shoes. Gift-giving has been very helpful in teaching this concept to my kids.

In this busy world we live in, giving gift cards has become the norm. While giving gift cards is easy and usually well-received, it completely takes away the chance for a child to learn. He misses out on using what he knows of the other person to make a good gift choice. He's not getting the chance to make the receiver feel special. What are the best gifts you've received? I'm going to bet they weren't gift cards.

I have discovered that being a good gift-giver is a learned skill. ((And some people never learn it.) So we have to teach our kids how to do that, too.

Kids + Christmas + a dollar store = a marvelous annual tool in the instruction of empathy and good gift-giving. 

The dollar store (NOT Dollar General. Things cost more than a dollar there.) is the perfect place to let kids loose to choose presents. Since everything in the store costs the same, it doesn't have to become a budgeting lesson, with the child having to worry about a set amount to spend. It is all about being creative and finding something the gift receiver will like. And since it's only a dollar per gift, kids can get plenty of practice, buying gifts for all siblings and both parents. It only costs $42 for all 6 of our kids to shop. Plus, the store isn't huge, so the kids don't get too overwhelmed with choices.

If you ever decide to do this, be prepared before walking into the store. Make sure your child(ren) hear more than once that this will be a shopping trip for them to buy things for other people. No one will be buying a gift for himself. Make a list of people for whom gifts will be purchased, emphasizing the fact that the child's own name is not on that list. If you have two (or more) small children, it helps to have another adult with you.

When arriving at the store, I suggest you start looking for a gift for an adult, far away from the toy aisles. Get the child in the frame of mind of shopping for someone else without the temptation of seeing all of the things he himself would like.

Questions to be asking while at the store...

What do you think Dad would like?

Why? How would he use it?

What kinds of things does Mom like to do? Can you find a gift that has something to do with that?

Is there something Sister needs? Have you heard her say she could use something?

If a child is having difficulty answering the questions, be more specific. Ask something like, "Grandma likes to bake. Can you find something she could use in the kitchen?"

If a child picks up something that is more for himself than for the receiver, ask leading questions.

Why would Brother like that? Does it seem like it would be more for someone your age instead of his? How about we look at ______, since he likes to ______".

For the kids, half the fun is sneaking around the store, making sure their siblings and parents don't see what they are buying. Having two adults is very handy for this. When it's time to buy a gift for you, hand the little one off to the other adult.

You may be surprised at how well your child does. I am always amazed at how observant the kids are and their ability to find something the receiver would actually like and use.

The best indicator I have of the success of these shopping trips?

On Christmas morning each and every year, the kids choose to open the dollar store gifts from each other before they open the gifts from us or from Santa.

What sorts of things do you do/have you done to encourage kids to put themselves in other people's shoes?

This post was written as part of the A-Z Challenge, where participants write every day of April, with the posts corresponding with the letter of the day.

Have a lovely day!